Sex.

Sex- the word was just to get your attention, now read what I have to say. 😛

pay taxes and get them Mis-Used.

Although I wasn’t really gone for long*, I missed the laptop. Oh, the things one gets used to on a vacation albeit for studying are disastrous once taken away.

This post isn’t about sex but about something related- Power.

Anyway, I’ll quit beating around the bush and come straight to the point. I returned from college (in Burdwan) today, in a State Transport bus. There was this VIP crossing  over from Calcutta and heading to some place. I would call it trespassing, but that would be wrong.
The bus had to halt in one tiny margin of the road and three-quarters of the road was left wide open AND VACANT for those 5 measly cars to whoosh past. We were stuck on that highway for at least 30 extra minutes. I know that it is a small price to pay, but what about all the ‘time is money’ philosophy we are fed with ever since we’re in grade school?

What has made these people the Very Important People they are? US! The aam junta or the mango people, as some celebrity had stated in some movie. (i think it was saif) And when they have to go to a district, in their white AC ambassadors; we the people, the ones who gave them that very power, have to sweat it out in the heat and then later apply Nycil on our prickly rashes. *hating it*
What justice and what a way to thank us. All for what? For giving us interviews on TV shows from which a certain-somebody can walk out just because s/he can.

Power is addictive. Power is maddening. Power gets to you and hits you harder than a kick with cocaine. But power without respect is the worst of its kind. One has to earn the respect and carry the onus of that power carefully and responsibly. Without proper judgement and without the correct balance between enjoying the perks and that of knowing the limits, one can fall off track with the heady initial hit. Today, while waiting for on the highway, all that I realised was that why should anyone be treated specially?
Yes ShahRukh Khan stood up for his daughter at Wankhade. So what?  I personally know of a handful of dads who do just that every single day. Just because he is the SRK, his life gets highlighted?
Just because someone became a CM doesn’t give her the rights to label other people as cadres of the opposition. I mean, yes it is a democracy if she can say what she wants to, can we not ASK what we want to? Everyone is so caught up with who raped whom in IPL, people forgot about the rest of country, let alone the world.

I agree, the ones we vote for have the very important duty of running the administration of our state/ country and they should be given their due importance but not at the cost of the public’s time, money and sweat (literally). Our parents pay the taxes and the government makes Birth Anniversary advertisements for legends. they are already legends, pay homage to them in front of their monuments, which have already been built out of the taxes WE pay or will pay. Instead of blowing OUR money into painting stuff blue, why doesn’t the government just say that it is in its manic phase of neurotics and we, the people, will accept it like we accept all Bipolar. Right?

I digressed. Power. Evil power and good power. We all know who wins in the end but isn’t there a sick sense of pleasure in being the bad guy? Haven’t you ever hurt someone purposely, just to get a kick out of it? I have. And I’m not proud of it..but it was good while it lasted.

Even the cases of Rape and sexual abuse that we so lovingly gulped down in the last two weeks of the Show Satyamev Jayate, are an example of gender Powerplay. males are stronger, more powerful than Females. Yeah, right. And the apes evoleved from human beings.


Power is always handed over but respect is always earned, never passed down. Aim for the latter and the former will follow through.

And i just remembered a joke.
Masochist: Hurt me.
Sadist: No!

Who has power now, eh?

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Stretch. Stand up.

Till where can you stretch? No, I do not mean ‘stretch’ in the true sense of the word like elasti-girl stretch..because that would just be perverted and cheap!

Not her!

By ‘stretch I mean- what is your limit? Have you set any standards or are you floundering about this big beautiful world till you get to a point in life where you can look at yourself and say ‘Eh, not bad’? Are you okay with being dependent on people around you? Even if those people are your closest, truest buddies, would you pile on to them for every little thing in your life or would you rather open a dictionary to look up the word P-R-I-D-E?
God, Almighty, Allah; whatever name, has given you two arms, a pair of feet, a head with a brain in it and a heart. Use that heart to get yourself to feel something. I’m going to hint at: ego. Yes, everybody says that an ego is a terrible thing to have. And we all know one fact (thanks to House MD): Everybody Lies. To me, Ego is nothing but Self Respect. Weigh things out proportionately and nothing in life is bad. Jealousy is good too, it’ll make you perform better if you know what I mean 😉

Anyway, I digressed.
Ego. Ego is good. Ego is necessary. Without an ego, you don’t really know who you are or where you draw the line for someone. For instance, how much would you let a friend support you? Yes, I said friend. Omg, now don’t jump up and say ‘But he is a friend so he is SUPPOSED to help me out’ or ‘She is a sister, more than a friend, she loves me’. Trust me, after a point, you need to frikkin’ stand up on your two feet and look down at the world with contempt. Contempt because, the world gave you a friend who halts your growth. If you have no one, then you have noone to either push you up..or pull you down. Friends are great to share, enjoy, vent, bla bla bla. But when a friend becomes a means to get what you otherwise wouldnt be able to get on your own, then you must rethink your so called friendship. Yeah, friends become family after a point but they can never replace your family.

A few days back, this friend of mine was telling me how lucky she is to have been able to live with a family which she got to choose and a family which so SO loving and so much cooler than most others. That she ‘got’ to choose to live with them and that she’s one of the lucky few. I’ll tell you one thing; my family is not perfect by any means.. I mean i could find a trillion things that I’d love to change, alter, add, do away with but never, in my wildest dreams, would I choose some other family over mine. It maybe broken but it is MINE and I will guard its integrity till life leaves me.

Draw a line. Live above it.

Respect yourself. Respect what your family has (or hasn’t) provided you with. Fill in those blanks that stare gapingly at you. Get off your sweet ass and do something about it instead of leaning on people. You have a spine, use it and stand straight.

One day, the world will know you for who you are and not for who you were with.

Break free if it's a facade.

Politics. Rape. Movies and Much More.

Yes, so about that ‘scene’ I was talking about wrt my college? There is a whole political scenario brewing in my college. I can’t say that I am not drawn to it. You know how I am- I get all worked up and swatantravadi neta-ish on smallest of issues. I know what I stand for. I stand for what is correct, I stand for integrity. And this reminds me- EVERYBODY SHOULD WATCH SCENT OF A WOMAN PRONTO! I couldn’t resist but to do something about it so I got caught up. What did I do? I can’t tell you now. I know it is a spoiler but I did something and if I do reveal it, alien forces might come here and abduct me. Cool right? Haha, no not really. I might just get killed or raped, ’cause rape is the new murder.

The aiens be-come!

Which brings me to my next topic. Rape. #didyouhear what the Delhi Police had to say about rape victims? My god the audacity these people have is mind-blowing. ‘Girls induce rape by kids by wearing transparent clothes‘ Whatshit?
Yes sir, us girls, we only look for random drunk boys to get horny with. No, we do not have boyfriends we only get sloshed with boys who we KNOW would screw with us, an I mean screw literally. Our families suck too; Loose mothers= Loose daughters, acc. to the Police. Oh! and I almost forgot that we purposely get into the cars of potential rapists to make headlines. You see, we have no other work.

Seriously, Delhi Police?!

I was discussing movies with a friend of mine ( i caught up with SO many good ones this week). I realised that if one hasn’t seen a particular good movie, or say hasn’t heard of a famous soundtrack we instantly relegate that person to a group in our head. It’s almost like the SC ST OBC system in our constitution. ‘you do not know this thus you belong to such-and-such group’. It’s like a system. The mind keeps grouping everyone. Classifying. categorising. Racism is in our head. haha! How can we even dream of getting away from it? That is how humans function. All hail the black and white domain.
Hmm, ‘relegate‘. Nice word. 😛

'Why So Serious?'

And i came across this great quote:

All things truly wicked start from an innocence

Classic, aint it? I came across this on Criminal Minds. You watch? Put it on your things to do list asap. I watch it for the quotes and the mysteries too, but more for the end than the story. Anyway, as the quote says- anything wicked stems from innocence. What does raping stem from? Tell me once and i shall remove that feeding innocence at once. Give me those superpowers and I will hunt those rapists down like these people on the show!

What’s th plan for the weekend?

-stay with me?

Bolted doors of the sleepless nights.

I just finished watching Iti Mrinalini. And there isn’t one happy even in that movie. Don’t misunderstand me, it is a beautiful ‘chhobi but I cannot understand how there can be so much sadness, sorrow, melancholy in one person’s life.

I mean, how much can one person take? Is there any sorrow that we cannot overcome? Is there any loss we cannot forget? Is there any void that cannot be replaced? Does ‘loss’ mean anything, really?
Nothing that we lose is irreplaceable. You’re here, right now. Tomorrow is a new day; you may not exist. How many people will miss you? Yes, there will be tears, yes there will be a few days where people are stunned, shocked, PTSD-ing. But what after that?

Life.Goes.On.

To paraphrase from the Film ( and I am taking huge creative liberties here , while paraphrasing)
We merely believe that we control our fate. That we are superhumans who can write destiny, who control the future, who manipulate the truth. We don’t. All that we do is play as a pawn in the larger scheme of things. Everything is planned. Everything is pre decided. We’re an illusion of our own creation.We are not who we want to be; we are who we had to be.

I have not really been through any such terrible event in life which would force me to re-think my life. I hope that’s a good thing. I have had a the usual heart break warfare and the family melodrama, but isn’t all that what constitutes life and, well, growing up? I like those parts as much as I like the parts with ice cream and candies in them. If there is no bad, then how would I know what’s good eh! I missed studying in a college in Calcutta by one rank. ONE. It’s a hard loss, but there is nothing so miserable about it. And that’s the closest example I can get out of mu life, right now..till now.

So what IS miserable? In relative terms, nothing is. Every sorrow, every tear, every frown is only justified in extremely personal and completely individualistic terms. My sorrow is mine, not yours so don’t pretend to empathise. You cannot. The world is full of problems- no drinking water, global warming, Mamta Banerjee [ 😛 ] so I don’t hold my problems in prime importance. Someone told me that the sorrow in the world never reduces the pain, instead it increases the magnitude. I disagree. Pain is pain to only the one/ ones who’re feeling it. And by ‘feeling’ I mean truly going through it all. Trust me, none of us want to go through the no-drinking-water sorta pain. We;re all oh! so delicate. We’re not meant to feel that kinda loss or lack. We’re delicate. Our sorrow isn’t what someone else will be able to fathom just like we wont understand anyone else’s. So do me a favour- the next time someone says ‘I am sad’, just sit next to that person and wait for him/ her to calm down. You do NOT know what is going on so stfu!

We all ‘move on’. We all ‘get over it’. Everyone is born with that inbuilt mechanism to cope with loss. Every orphan grows. Every mother can survive. Every family re-builds their roots…it’s just with reluctance, that everyone carries on. And that reluctance to carry on, to live, to forgive or forget is what ultimately makes us human.

To live, is human.
To love, is human.
Everyone lives, perfectly.
Everyone can love, in their own flawed way.

Life is an absolute. It is singular.

You will be wronged, this world is a bitch.. but never forget the love that you get.

-stay tangled.
xoxo

 

The Uprising.

There was not a sound around him. Silently, un-steadily he walked ahead.
He was alone. He was loved, don’t get me wrong, but alone.

How much are you willing to trade for something so special that it’s not possible to own? Something which is elusive, not material. Something that is touch-and-you-lost-it. Something that you’ve wanted for a long long time. Something that you later realise, wasn’t worth it at all, that it was too glorious for you to have asked for it. Something so magical that it shouldn’t even exist?

Have you ever asked something simple and received the most extraordinary blessing and then realised what a curse it was?

He wanted to be a man.
Instead, he was made a legend

Have you felt that?

There have been times where I have closed my eyes and furiously prayed to God, to anyone for better health, for better grades, for better people… more often than not, I have been granted my demands, my whims. More often than not, I regretted asking for them. Now, I have the best of friends, the best 0f grades and a health to envy (touch wood) and I have an excess of expectations. Everyone expects me to perform, to raise the bar.

I have raised the bar.. the ‘up’ rising? I’ve raised it so high that I am struggling to get there. What if I don’t top this year? What if I fail at another relationship? What if i die? What if I shame my parents? I’ve raised it so high that now, it is difficult to fathom it’s reach. I’m trying to do as much as I can. I was made into something elusive when all I wanted was to just be a good daughter, a good friend, a good partner, a good student. No, I did not want stardom! No, I did not want to stand out. because now, people take my uprising for granted, to put it crudely.

I wanted to be a man, metaphorically. I was made into who I am. I love the way I am..
but,
Just let me close my eyes, and sleep, in peace. don’t expect. What if I fail to deliver? What if i screw up? What if I hurt you, again?
…what if?

The Continuation of Blog Blabber

Y’know how sometimes you just know? That’s exactly what happened to me, now. Epiphany struck. (oh, check out a blog called The Epiphany of Spontaneity)
I was digressing. Coming back; there are times or moments in your life where intuition strikes SO hard that you know something will happen, that you start apprehending the course of action of people, events, animals…dust, anything!
In my case, though, it is exactly the oppostie. I could predict what will not happen. Somehow, I knew that I will not travel the world with my bff.
This is wrong, to discuss all of this online, but who reads this anyway, eh? 😛

So she’s a sweetheart, my bff. She is studying in one of the elite Delhi (and Indian) colleges. She’s smart, talented, pretty, funny, bla bla you get the drift. But then she has her own life and I have developed my own. Yeah, college does that. Don’t get me wron, I still love her as much but we, as people, are changing (read: evolving). Both of us are become more of what we were. I, more intelligent and she, more blonde. Haha. Okay, jokes apart, we’re both realising that we need to accept the changes. And one of which is, that I don’t see myself travelling the world with her. Well, yeah that’s all I could foresee but how many of you can even do that?

Also, I lost my hard disk. I hate the digital world. Digital photographs, digital books, hell one day there will be downloadable food. I did not lose much, thanks to my backing up the back up too but it is the reponsibility that counts. ‘I’ lost it. To be fair, I squarely remember where I had kept it and when I went there to search for it, it had vanished. I think one of my two roomies must’ve taken it home, either by mistake or maybe not.. I know I’m abitch to doubt them but one tends to do that when no other option is left viable.
a) who would steal a hard disk, and by who I mean the maids, house help, etc
b) only they knew about the hard disk
c) even my pharma copy ‘vanished’ mysteriously like that.
I’m upset. 😦

Until the next time,
-stay secure.

The more the messier.

Or as the popular saying goes, more the merrier. I certainly don’t think so. My god, have you seen the chaos that always follows a hoard of people gushing in to help you? It is like a sea of blood hungry maniacs just waiting to pound you down by the sheer burden of their body weight!
Too much description, I know 😛

I have, therefore, reached the conclusion that being alone is better. Alone is good. Alone is happy. You have only yourself to deal with, to blame, to celebrate. Being alone makes you realise things which are far more important than the latest Oscar fashion fad, no offence to those who followed that. Being alone makes you realise how much potential you actually have. Imagine a world sans help. Yes, it would be a difficult life but wouldn’t it be more fulfilling? What you work for is ultimately what you earn. You, literally, are your own boss.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that one shouldn’t have friends. All I am harping on, is that it is always good to know what one is capable of. Know how much you can stretch yourself. Be Elasti-girl and test your limits. Keep one foot on one peak and streeeeetch till the next one, or as far as you can. No,not really,dumbo but yes,metaphorically.
Then, you can always go back to mingling and being ordinary.

If you don’t try, you will never get there. You have the whole world inside of you. Don’t let company ruin it. Don’t let the ordinariness of people just make you ‘exist’. Live!

Do your work ON YOUR OWN. Let someone guide you through it, but don’t let that person ‘do’ it. You only lose if you let that happen.

You, are your own hero. you.are.god.

-stay tangled (:

The Indigo Sheep.


When the eyes are closed, we lose touch with the world outside. But what is that endears us so much? It is not like we won’t survive if we don’t know what’s happening around us. Yet, when the windows to the world, our eyes are closed, we feel lost. We feel out of sync with the world. Each colour we see, each petal we feel, every move we make is only after a careful visual selection. It has been very correctly said, a man who can explain the meaning of ‘colours’ to a man blind since birth, is the greatest teacher of all. Despite being aware of this dependence, how many times do we stop to think about how would it be if the world was made of only one single colour, only one shade of it- black? Darkness would have been our true companion.

 Not just merely ‘looking’ at things. It is about looking at things with the correct perspective, a perspective that would enable us to see the future with clarity, with a purpose. The very fact that none of us stop to think and thank these tiny things that actually make life what it is shows how little time we have for ourselves. I heard that the gift of life is Life itself so living it should also be done with panache and style. Vision, tastes, touch- these are what make us see and be the world we are in. 

The people we meet, the friends we make, the fights we try to stop, the coffee we savour, the songs we sing and the music we hear…the things we write, the words we speak, the dresses we wear,all of it will become unimportant if did not possess these small little ‘gifts’.. Think about it. When will we get our priorities straight? When will we value the olfactory over the perfume?! The world has become overly materialistic, too dependent on tangible things. It is just sad that we fail to believe in ourselves and what we already have that we chase after the things we don’t have. Love and friendships are merely used as words to please people. 

Those people who can provide us with a sense of pleasure or security. We are never content with what we have; perhaps it is just human nature. But then, it is human to err (and even more human to blame it on others!) Words seem to fail me at these moments. Till then, make the best out of what you have.

“It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s life. Have the time of your life!”

Enjoy, breathe, look, feel and ultimately you will realise your own power. The power bestowed upon you. The decision to harness it is totally left up to you and your rationality. Perhaps you would choose to be different, but most will be happy to be the white sheep in the herd of white sheep. Some will be the black sheep…but I? I will be the indigo one. 

Different. 

Decided. 

Determined.


Why is it that I see everything with two perspectives? One with which the world views it, and one with which it ‘could’ be viewed with? When i look into a man’s eyes, i don’t just see the tiredness in them. I see so much more. I see his broken dreams resurfacing, trying their best to get a glimpse of what they could have been. I see the love he has for his family and children, I see his helplessness. I see him fighting for what is correct, for what he believes. I see his joy and pride. I see his anger and frustration.  I see what he has tried to bury for the past so many years.  I see what he has been hiding from the world. Perhaps, I imagine too much, but don’t all of us have broken rainbows and fallen egos, tumultuous joys and happiness, frustration and anger harbouring within us. Yet we choose to remain poignant and perfect before the make-belief world we live in. Trust me;

Crying alone is better than laughing with people who pretend to like you. 

Being with them is even more punishing! Break away from the normal. Stay up at night, listen to the dogs bark and hear the birds awaken. Do something you have not done. 

Try. To. Live. 😀