Mann Ki Baat

There are moments when you catch yourself humming a song and that song isn’t something you’d generally hum, so you zone out and try to remember why your brain might be willing to recollect a song- word by word- when you don’t even remember thinking about it for half a dozen years and you don’t generally remember things you did yesterday, let alone remember song lyrics. And then, like a bolt of lightning on a summer afternoon, it hits you; it’s the song he had sent to you as a random instant message on some fateful evening as a part of a mundane conversation. You rue the day he had put that memory into your head. Why, Lord why? *silent wales*

Why do people choose to leave, or why do we decide to disown a few people along the way to what we think is our nirvana? I had made this decision for myself (and the other involved party, obviously) on more than one occasion. Thankfully (?) they came back more because they knew I’m stupid and I didn’t really want them banished from my life. But, they were my friends. MY people. They were the safe net I used to free fall into and what else was I to do when they burnt me as I fell?

But this guy, these guys, who waltz into our lives and make us believe that fairytales exist are the very guys who also make us remember that tragedies have always been bestsellers. So, no. I refuse to succumb to humming a song lent to my brain by someone who isn’t welcome. If only I could command my mind. Heyyy, isn’t that how it is supposed to be in the first place?!

Go away intruder, I say! Shoo Shoo Shoo from my mind. These ear buggers are a nuisance. Now that I know why the song was stuck in my head, I googled how to get rid of it and apparently I now have to listen to the entire song because the human brain replays anything it finds incomplete. Is that why break ups are so hard?! ..because we are hard wired to remain in agony if something ends prematurely? Oh lord, is that bad news for me, or what?

Time to listen to a terrible song sung by someone who isn’t even a singer by profession. Hurray, not.
Later x

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I wish it were this easy-peasy. Also, break*

I promise..

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..and watch them twinkle

When I said them, I had meant them. I don’t lie. I didn’t lie. And I miss you. I miss the nights we spent dreaming about the could-be and should-be. And about the day dreams we shared and the nightmares that made us huddle together. I miss the touch of your hand when the warm tears flowed down my cheeks and the sound of your laughter. I miss sounding gay and dancing around after being drunk on 2 pegs, like that’s even possible. I miss planning to watch movies with you. I miss not ending up watching them, afterall. I miss hoping to be with you. I miss the thrill of not knowing whether you’re coming.

I miss you. Drinking coffee and making cookies. And planning to make the coffee. And the cookies. And I miss completing the unfinished movies with you while trashing Harry Potter. I miss waiting for you to text first. I miss making you recharge my number. I miss making myself scold you.

I miss listening to lyrics and thinking about you. I miss confusing you about posts on my blog. And feeling irritated when you simply don’t understand stuff. And then I see your cute bespectacled face and melt. I miss talking like your lesbian lover. I miss loving you, like, in a non-sexual way. Or maybe, sexual too ๐Ÿ˜›

I don’t know who this post is about. There are glimpses of many friendships and relationships. Go figure.

And there have been many affairs
Many times I’ve thought to leave
But I bite my lip and turn around
Cause you’re the warmest thing I’ve ever found
– You’re in My Heart/ Rod Stewart.

Boys, I tell you.

There is a college right beside my room in the place that I live in while attending college. Raj college. And it is blaring out songs at full volume because of its fest. And I can’t study. The thyroid isn’t half as interesting when a not-so-melodious singer sings remix Hindi songs. And my roommate is out, she’s watching her professor perform some surgery and the other flat mate is a boy, so expecting him to be a little considerate and be there with me while I get bored even after telling him so is useless because he is sleeping and because he is a boy.

Q: Are all boys like this?
A: Yes.
Q: Men too?
A: Yes!

Take any boy you know, however mature, they are irresponsible and irritating and sing weird un-tunely songs proclaiming themselves to be the king of the world. Sorry, I got carried away by the songs being played. But either way, boys live in a pseudointellectual world of their own where the world is all chilled out at relaxed and no work needs to be done in time. They have their own schedule and own timetable, completely ignorant of the other half of the world; females, and therefore oblivious to the harrassment we have to face simply because they decide something isn’t as important as the PS3.

All humans with penis are the same at the basic level. Some may understand more than the rest, some might care more than the others but the problems remain the same. The mature ones aren’t good looking. The handsome mature ones aren’t your age. The ones that are your age are short heighted. The tall ones are too tall and the absolutely perfect ones don’t exist. Well, some do but who cares cause they aren’t available in the first place.

Boys don’t know how to converse. They don’t know how to talk. Hell, they don’t even know language. Very few know how to write. And even fewer know how to interpret.

Bleh. I hate the songs that are playing and I am VERY irritated and I’m lashing out on men. No, they’re actually nice things and deserve to be treated with care and fed biscuits and patted from time to time. There essential to the human race and did I say I hate the songs?

I’m hating them more because I am alone and my roomie is a spoil sport sometimes and doesn’t dance with me when I want to. The party and the fun always happens when she is in the mood. I’m sure, when she comes back she’ll not be super enthusiastic about it when I ask her if we should get up on the bed and dance our killer moves. All she’ll say would be- ‘No I have to study cause sir will ask questions tomorrow’ and I will have to go to the other room so that she can study in peace and I’ll be technically alone again ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
Only if she is in the mood to have fun, we have fun and I hate it. Urgh!

– crossed. tangled. whatever.

Memoirs of a Memory with a Song.

Don’t you just detest it when a perfectly brilliant song is ruined because some jack-ass halfway around the globe decided to make a memory with you precisely when that song was playing and then BAM! three months later he isn’t there and the perfectly brilliant song is pooped. Yknow, there are categories of songs- the mediocre, the good and then, there are the brilliant.

The mediocre are the ones which find their way into your playlist because
– someone gave them to you via bluetooth
-a dude shared his playlist with you to get you to listen to grunge rock
-a break up
-PMS
-by mistake
-really sad sitcoms which make you think ‘wow that song is brilliant’ and then you download it and listen to it on repeat for 567 hours and then, by the end of it you are ready to puke.
-initially a brilliant track which slips to the mediocre because of *surprise surprise* the MEMORIES.

The good ones are good primarily because they are cult classics, I mean, Pink Floyd will never become mediocre because a d-bag decided to ruin it for you. NO! You always come back to life after Pink Floyd, literally. And then is John Mayer and Coldplay and ABBA (and ronan keating). And Death Cab For Cutie (at least some of their songs. I don’t know why they decided to sing for Twilight- the Meet me on the equinox). Some songs never die. I mean, yeah whatever some guy might ruin one or two of those ‘classic’ songs but forgive them. They know not what it means to dance to ‘I will follow you into the dark’. Word of advice, limit these classics to those you know will NOT let you down. Ever. EVER. Like best friends or parents or children. That way, no one can ruin good songs for you. ๐Ÿ™‚

^that is a really cute rendition of I Have A Dream, ABBA. Watch it :’)

Then come the brilliant ones. These are comprised mainly by The biggies themselves, each of us have our personal favourites and I wont name mine but you would which songs figure in your list of brilliant, wouldn’t you? The ones which you always listen to, anytime all the time. Like I could listen to Fix You for-evvvver and never get tired of it and I would not let anyone ruin that song for me. No one is allowed to dedicate it to me. No one is allowed to expect it from me. This is MY song. and will remain so because it is too precious for me. The words are too personal. If this song is dedicated to me by someone I love and then he breaks my heart (or whatever) then these very words will prick me and make me bleed. So I wont let anyone burst my bubble. And if you really love me, you wont dedicate this to me.
You could, however, dedicate a ‘Baara maheene mein baara tareeko se’ to me because that song is already hopeless. It means all that you want a love song to and then too it doesn’t stand a chance of getting ruined with a memory because the song already is at the lowest level of music. Seriously. LOWEST.

^Don’t watch this if you aren’t ‘READY’

Now, it isn’t just sad memories that attach themselves to songs. there are songs to which you have joys and birthdays related to. There are songs which make you smile no matter what. there are those songs to which you danced on your first night stay or the song you sang to your BFF after the epic fight or a song you dedicated to your mom on mother’s day. Some songs become good from the mediocre scale because of the memories so never underestimate those underdogs, you!

^Like this one, that I’d love to sing- fights or no fights, we are stuck with each other Pie. Oh, Happy Birthday! ๐Ÿ˜€

But getting back to the sad stuff (because sad things always appeal more, sadists we are),
I missed out one more category of songs. they are the happy songs which mean nothing. Or sad ones, the blues, which say absolutely nothing to you. Yknow, the kind to which you were introduced to because someone dedicated them to you. The conversation goes like:
Random person who knows you- ‘Hey, this is a nice song and I, in my right senses dedicate this absolutely nonchalant piece of music to you!’
You- ‘Oh, alright gracious man/woman/person, I shall listen to it right away’
And then you and that person become really good friends, lovers, pals, siblings, online facebook open relationship partners,ย whatever, and slowly you drift away BUT the song still remains on your iPod/Walkman/Really awesome phone like SGIII. And while you’re on a long journey the song begins to play and you remember that friendship (or affair) and just…smile. No bitterness, no joy either but just a memory that does not affect your emotion.
Like, right now, I am listening to ‘Addicted’ by Enrique. No, don’t judge me it is aย really nice song okay, whatever.ย And ย this song has become rotten by all the so-called dedication but still it has managed to remain on my playlist and I have no memory associated with it whatsoever. None!

So, lesson to be learnt is just one:

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.

Don’t fight the memories and don’t fight the world from making them for you. If some guy, in his mushy weakness dedicates ‘Perfect two’ by Auburn to you, just smile and listen to the song. And then, remember the song. Memories are a part of life. We wouldn’t stay up at night if it wasnt for those wretched memories and future-planning. Happy or sad, songs and memories are intricate and you can’t argue over the fact that a little bit of heartache makes the songs even more beautiful, ’cause lets face it- even though you categorise them as mediocre because of the sourness attached to them, they are still there on your playlist, aren’t they?

Let life play itself out. ๐Ÿ™‚

A final treat for you-

-entangle.