The X-YZ of things.

I am bitter and not feeling very bright at the moment, so pardon the hatred. This is almost exclusively for a particular set of people in the world and that is, surprise surprise, the ex. It could be an ex boyfriend or a girlfriend or heck, even a friend. It is human tendency to do two of the things that I will write about here, post an ‘end’ to the said relationship.
First, you would want to claw back to the person (assuming that you re the one who was dumped, obviously)
Second, you would bad mouth that person or, listen to others talk bull about them.

Let’s go serially:
The clawing back phenomenon is very common. Obviously, they were an important part of your life and without them it feels empty and you want to fill their void only with their presence. Everything that you would have taken for granted suddenly becomes about them. I read a comic strip on Facebook a while back which went something like this-
Person A-“Yes! I am finally over her. I can live now”
Friend- “Great! Hey, want some water?”

Yes I know It would look better with the comic strip, but I can not seem to find it. Blah.

Anyway, the point is, the feeling is normal. You would do everything in you power to get them to like you again. It is not your fault. It happened to me too when I was dumped, long long ago. I was heart-broken and sad and whatnot. At one point in time, I assumed that person to be someone without whom I would not be able to live, but look at me now; living and all. Ha!
But there are some of you who take this to a whole new level. Don’t play the sympathy card with their friend(s). Yes, the sad part is ‘you still love them’ despite the fact that they ‘mutilated’ your heart and stomped on it, repeatedly. Don’t do that. It isn’t healthy, not for your ego or for the friendship. Just because they took the call of ending the relationship does not mean they aren’t hurting. It does not mean they have a stone cold heart.

The usual protocol after a break up is to not talk for a couple of months, preferably years. Maintain it. Only because a person was your everynight-phone-companion, does not mean they will remain so for life. While dating, people say a lot of things
– I will always love you
– I will watch our grandchildren grow old with you
– Let’s go to switzerland
– Buy a dog
-Laser tag is a sad sport
Making lists is fun (…but I digress)

But don’t hold it against them when the break up does happen. I mean seriously, are you new to the dating world? People say things. It doesn’t mean they did not mean it while they said it! So don’t play the sympathy card. Don’t try to rope in all of their friends on to your side. Remember, a break up always has two people involved. The one to call it quits may have started the process earlier but they need their friends too.


The second:
And if you DO end up playing the fool by pretending to be the one who is the victim, like they announced war on your tiny heart, grow up. The first rule to move on is accepting the fact that you need to. Pretending to be ‘fine’ and acting ‘cool’ is not helping anyone.
Also, learn to differentiate between those who really want your good and those who just want to laugh at you behind your back while you grieve. Let me tell you my story. Long back, when I broke up with this guy, I was in regular contact with one of his friends. After the break up, the guy had only sad, sad things to tell me about the said boy. He filled me in with snippets of false news that made me pity my ex. The friend told me all about his grades in school (they were low) and  spats with teachers (thee were many), popularity (hated by all class mates) and simultaneously, the friend kept praising himself (high grades, and I assumed he was a teacher’s pet and student of the year). At that age, the three criteria that were mentioned to me were important aspects of a student’s life, the fact that a boy once dated was flunking grades disturbed me. Two months later I came to know how the friend was really trying to make me fall for him. Every word that he uttered about the ex was a tweaked version of the truth, a lie actually.

^the moral there is don’t believe everything people have to say. Also, don’t go on spreading rumours and make the poor -ex an anomaly to the social structure. Respect the privacy. Understand the dynamics of the people. By telling everyone that you love them despite the horrendous way they treated you and describing how you JUST know they never loved you, makes them the bad person . What have they actually done? Broken up with you and not spoken? THAT is the crime you are holding them responsible for and therefore that makes them heartless? Then yes, maybe they’re guilty in YOUR court of law. I have done it myself too, when I was new to this world. But now, I have matured. And I hope you do too.


Sex- the word was just to get your attention, now read what I have to say. 😛

pay taxes and get them Mis-Used.

Although I wasn’t really gone for long*, I missed the laptop. Oh, the things one gets used to on a vacation albeit for studying are disastrous once taken away.

This post isn’t about sex but about something related- Power.

Anyway, I’ll quit beating around the bush and come straight to the point. I returned from college (in Burdwan) today, in a State Transport bus. There was this VIP crossing  over from Calcutta and heading to some place. I would call it trespassing, but that would be wrong.
The bus had to halt in one tiny margin of the road and three-quarters of the road was left wide open AND VACANT for those 5 measly cars to whoosh past. We were stuck on that highway for at least 30 extra minutes. I know that it is a small price to pay, but what about all the ‘time is money’ philosophy we are fed with ever since we’re in grade school?

What has made these people the Very Important People they are? US! The aam junta or the mango people, as some celebrity had stated in some movie. (i think it was saif) And when they have to go to a district, in their white AC ambassadors; we the people, the ones who gave them that very power, have to sweat it out in the heat and then later apply Nycil on our prickly rashes. *hating it*
What justice and what a way to thank us. All for what? For giving us interviews on TV shows from which a certain-somebody can walk out just because s/he can.

Power is addictive. Power is maddening. Power gets to you and hits you harder than a kick with cocaine. But power without respect is the worst of its kind. One has to earn the respect and carry the onus of that power carefully and responsibly. Without proper judgement and without the correct balance between enjoying the perks and that of knowing the limits, one can fall off track with the heady initial hit. Today, while waiting for on the highway, all that I realised was that why should anyone be treated specially?
Yes ShahRukh Khan stood up for his daughter at Wankhade. So what?  I personally know of a handful of dads who do just that every single day. Just because he is the SRK, his life gets highlighted?
Just because someone became a CM doesn’t give her the rights to label other people as cadres of the opposition. I mean, yes it is a democracy if she can say what she wants to, can we not ASK what we want to? Everyone is so caught up with who raped whom in IPL, people forgot about the rest of country, let alone the world.

I agree, the ones we vote for have the very important duty of running the administration of our state/ country and they should be given their due importance but not at the cost of the public’s time, money and sweat (literally). Our parents pay the taxes and the government makes Birth Anniversary advertisements for legends. they are already legends, pay homage to them in front of their monuments, which have already been built out of the taxes WE pay or will pay. Instead of blowing OUR money into painting stuff blue, why doesn’t the government just say that it is in its manic phase of neurotics and we, the people, will accept it like we accept all Bipolar. Right?

I digressed. Power. Evil power and good power. We all know who wins in the end but isn’t there a sick sense of pleasure in being the bad guy? Haven’t you ever hurt someone purposely, just to get a kick out of it? I have. And I’m not proud of it..but it was good while it lasted.

Even the cases of Rape and sexual abuse that we so lovingly gulped down in the last two weeks of the Show Satyamev Jayate, are an example of gender Powerplay. males are stronger, more powerful than Females. Yeah, right. And the apes evoleved from human beings.

Power is always handed over but respect is always earned, never passed down. Aim for the latter and the former will follow through.

And i just remembered a joke.
Masochist: Hurt me.
Sadist: No!

Who has power now, eh?

Politics. Rape. Movies and Much More.

Yes, so about that ‘scene’ I was talking about wrt my college? There is a whole political scenario brewing in my college. I can’t say that I am not drawn to it. You know how I am- I get all worked up and swatantravadi neta-ish on smallest of issues. I know what I stand for. I stand for what is correct, I stand for integrity. And this reminds me- EVERYBODY SHOULD WATCH SCENT OF A WOMAN PRONTO! I couldn’t resist but to do something about it so I got caught up. What did I do? I can’t tell you now. I know it is a spoiler but I did something and if I do reveal it, alien forces might come here and abduct me. Cool right? Haha, no not really. I might just get killed or raped, ’cause rape is the new murder.

The aiens be-come!

Which brings me to my next topic. Rape. #didyouhear what the Delhi Police had to say about rape victims? My god the audacity these people have is mind-blowing. ‘Girls induce rape by kids by wearing transparent clothes‘ Whatshit?
Yes sir, us girls, we only look for random drunk boys to get horny with. No, we do not have boyfriends we only get sloshed with boys who we KNOW would screw with us, an I mean screw literally. Our families suck too; Loose mothers= Loose daughters, acc. to the Police. Oh! and I almost forgot that we purposely get into the cars of potential rapists to make headlines. You see, we have no other work.

Seriously, Delhi Police?!

I was discussing movies with a friend of mine ( i caught up with SO many good ones this week). I realised that if one hasn’t seen a particular good movie, or say hasn’t heard of a famous soundtrack we instantly relegate that person to a group in our head. It’s almost like the SC ST OBC system in our constitution. ‘you do not know this thus you belong to such-and-such group’. It’s like a system. The mind keeps grouping everyone. Classifying. categorising. Racism is in our head. haha! How can we even dream of getting away from it? That is how humans function. All hail the black and white domain.
Hmm, ‘relegate‘. Nice word. 😛

'Why So Serious?'

And i came across this great quote:

All things truly wicked start from an innocence

Classic, aint it? I came across this on Criminal Minds. You watch? Put it on your things to do list asap. I watch it for the quotes and the mysteries too, but more for the end than the story. Anyway, as the quote says- anything wicked stems from innocence. What does raping stem from? Tell me once and i shall remove that feeding innocence at once. Give me those superpowers and I will hunt those rapists down like these people on the show!

What’s th plan for the weekend?

-stay with me?

Advice 101

Not like you need my advice, but never hurts to take something for free, eh?

1. Never, ever have a bowl full of kheer before you are travelling. Otherwise, there will be consequences.

2. Follow #1.

Well that’s about it. I suffered tremendously because of this friend I have who absolutely loves Kheer and travelled with me for around 40 minutes in my car continuously torturing me with incredibly smelly and suspiciously silent farts. Farts, yes I said it. ‘Passing gas’ for those who’re a bit more elitist 😛

Until later,
– stay less foul smelling.

Feel; un-feel.

there are times in your life where you wish. just wish.

and right now, i am sad. yes, sad and upset and i need to vent. i look forward to moments where i can look at someone, point my fingers and say ‘ha! gotcha fuckface’ but now that i have that time, that moment, i just wanna close my eyes and wish it never really happened. i am supposed to feel elated, overjoyed, surpassed with smiles and tears together. but i dont. i just feel vacant and hollow. it’s like someone put their hands inside me and ripped my soul off my body. and is dangling that very lifeless soul in front of me.

now that i know how measured life can get, and to know that i was right about those, er, measurements, i should feel blessed that i have the most precise knowledge about how much to anticipate. but no! i feel cursed. cursed because i know i wished upon this. no wonder they say ‘be careful what you wish for, you might just get it’
(my bff just called and i ignored her call. something is wrong with me)
anyway, i feel morose. tears are brimming up to that final edge but this is the first time i have been able to blink them back. i have finally conquered the art of gulping sorrow and pretending to be happy. well, not really. i still suck at pretending. nevertheless, i mastered something. i should feel proud, right? I DO NOT. i want to hug myself and doggy and sleep. i want a boy who understands me. and i want to feed laxatives to my ex.

i feel vengeful and mortified to be feeling this way. my head is splitting, as if i have a hundred hangovers simultaneously. i don’t like to feel this way. and i feel guilty. and helpless. (i normally feel helpless when a lot of work is due- like studies or lab work and the deadline is around, but i guess life isn’t simple once you turn 19 cuz yes, i have academics pending but wth i am in college!). then WHY am i feeling all this.

trust me. i’d give an arm and a leg to keep my mum from flying to pune tonight. i would give my enitre body to erase the last few days and just write them myself. but these reasons are not why i am feeling this way. these reasons aren’t reason enough.
…or are they?


Timberlake. Read: What goes around comes back around.
The song? That.

Life has a weird way of coming a full circle. Things will fan out in a way where the good get rewarded and where the ugly get punished.

Be it now or even 6 years 4 days later, that guy who dumped you will get dumped. Be it now or weeks later, the one who wronged you will be given it back, and given it back good and *phat* in his face. Life maybe cruel, but it is just. The world turns and revolves in mysterious ways. The stars align in magnificent ways. Things happen and always happen for the better.

Trust me when I say that because I’ve seen how just destiny is. I’ve seen it for a fact today. I can’t divulge what or how cause it’s not about me but trust me it’s true. Y’know how The Secret goes on about ‘think good things and they’ll happen when you’re ready’? Well you’re only *ready* to get those happy things when the universe is ready to give them to you. And the universe takes its own sweet time BUT it will give you what you deserve. Not what you want, but what you deserve.

Close your eyes and think of something bad that had happened to you. Think of that person and forgive him/her. The world will take care of it after that. But when something does happen to that person in the end, should you feel guilty? I mean, isn’t he getting punished because of the things he did to you? So technically, he is hurt because of you. He is suffering because of the wrong he did to YOU. So his condition has got something to do with you. And similarly, if you are say, punished for the bitchy things you have done, should the doee feel bad when the doer is hammered down by ”life”?

Small gray areas down there, eh?
Now close your eyes and think of something magical and pretty like stars and sparkles. close your eyes and sleep with the happy thought 🙂

Burn it up a notch.

First of all- Happy birthday, Kurt Donald Cobain. I do not understand your pain or for that matter, your music. I fail to understand why you would write songs like Pat Smear or Heart Shaped Boxes.. But then, maybe you are WAY out of my league to fathom. Maybe I am not meant to understand you. Maybe that’s why they call you a ‘genius’.

Lets take a lesson from this man. Lets learn to be a genius. Pff, not really. Just learn to value life. Everyone has pain, everyone suffers, everyone wants to die at some point in time but DON’T. Nothing matters more than life. So just stoping smoking! Nothing is so miserably wrong with your life that you have to be an addict. You aren’t the only one with probles, so stfu and drop the whole my-life-is-shit routine.
Take a break. If you’re so stressed, then go to Bali. (woohoo!)
And if you’re addicted, go to a rehab or something. (seriousy)

Quit, in the name of God, cuz no one is gaining a pound of good health from your smoke. You pollute. You dirty the roads. You make others cough. Plus, I am allergic. See? So many reasons to quit. 🙂

And if you cant quit, atleast smoke in a closed room with no windows so that the ozone lives. And, use a lighter- stop cutting trees down for matchsticks.

Grow up! And live.

And just FYI- this is what was thought of Cobain’s ultimate death, his ‘nirvana’ so to say:

I think that he committed suicide. I don’t think there’s a smoking gun. And I think there’s only one way you can explain a lot of things around his death. Not that he was murdered, but that there was just a lack of caring for him. I just think that Courtney had moved on, and he was expendable.


Everyone has dreams. Everyone wants to live those dreams out. But very few count-on-your-fingers-amount have actually done it. How many people are you aware of, who followed their dreams; went against their families (though not necessarily) and then lived the life they WANTED to?

They are your dreams.
Dont talk out loud about them. Dont discuss them day in and day out with anyone. No, not even with your closest friend.
Learn to protect your dreams. They are yours. Totally, completely, utterly yours to fulfil. And you have the power to shape them, to design them and to make build the path that’ll lead you to them. So protect them.

This world is nasty. Everyone hates. People are spiteful and envious.

They will envy you, for your dream is unique.
They will despise you in their hearts, for they couldn’t dare to dream
your dream.
They will never do it to your face, which makes it worse.

Don’t share your dream. Protect it like you’d protect a candle’s flame on a stormy night.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, build a wall and make a bubble for your dreams. Then, wake up and achieve them.

Don’t let anyone come in between you and that ONE dream that makes
you stay up at night. If your mind wants it badly enough then you heart
will find a way to make it happen. Don’t let anything hinder you.

Every problem you encounter and obstacle you cross over will only make the dream more elusive, more attractive and worth its while. All those people who never believed in your dreams should propel you closer and closer to what YOU believe in- and you believe that

Make everyday a step towards that goal. Do something that makes you proud. Move closer to that dream Don’t just exist. Be the dream you want.

Believe. And one day it will be yours.
-to achieving. Cheers!


p.s- The Better Man Projects – this blog made me (read: inspired me to) write this post. Evan Sanders, thank you 🙂

Why Marriages Fail.

I fail to understand a few things which everyone else seems to be pretty comfortable with. Maybe I just AM socially weird. Social rebel. Just a rebel.

This post is about marriage. No, not the marriage and why its not supposed to be ‘the’ deal breaker for me *thats for another post, sometime*.

This one is going to be about why marriage is such a big deal. I’ll tell you why. Because, in India, it is seen as something permanent. And permanence scares everyone. Permanence doesnt see nationality, reason or event. It’s the same reason why one would think twice before a getting inked on the face with a big fat dragon tattoo!

I don’t understand why it has to be the beginning of a new phase. Yes it is impotant. Yes you marry the one you always want to be with. But what if it doesn’t fan out the way you had day-dreamed it to? Marriage is just a very long term relationship which is recognised by the law, to come to think of it.

So just like we ‘break up’ why can’t we break off a marriage? Why does a divorced person have a separate tag? If you’re posting for a matrimonial advert, will you mention being dumped by your boyfriend? No. But a divorced man or lady will have to mention this baggage. Baggage- mark my words.
Sad, eh?
The Indian society has to accept the tiny fact that marriages fail. That people are not meant to always be together. That this pressure causes lives to be lost. That marriage isn’t supposed to about permanence but about the present!
Maybe then, the fear of marriage, of being committed for as long as one wants the forever to be will fade.
Maybe then, I will want to get married.
Maybe then, they will know what marriage truly means.


I now pronounce you man and . . .

To do or not to do?

I am the kinda student who likes going to class. Somehow, it has been ingrained in my head that if I don’t attend class I will fail. Yes, fail.
So I was in class today- totally drowsy, hadn’t slept much as I was over the phone with someone and the professor starts off with Morpheus.

Morpheus is the Greek God of dreams. And the drug morphine, is named after him. Quite apt and creative no? So she went on and on and on AND ON about how its addictive and not supposed to be given/ taken without caution *don’t tell me I dint tell you*

The more she said ‘it is NOT’, the more I felt like going into the hospital and putting myself on an i.v morphine. It’s just this whole desire to deny authority.

It’s like- kar bhi lenge toh hoga kya? Every dote has an antidote. 😛
Hasn’t it happened to you? When mommy says not to touch those cookies you reach out and gobble them all up at midnight. Don’t things become more magical when they’re prohibited? They become so much more than what they actually are; they become an object of desire and something you HAVE to, just have to, acquire.
Maybe that’s why they named it after the God of Dreams.

Don’t we all have dreams which we HAVE to acheive by hook or by crook? Negation makes it all the more fun!

I got to go have dinner now. Plus my brain is muddled up cuz of extra sleeping. AND one of my friends might get groped on today *so not cool when guys do that*

-stay wimme.

P.s- this picture was sent to me by a friend, a very close one- notice the prohibitions?