Dig boy, dig!

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Don't doubt yourself. Just change to grow.

I’ve often seen myself to crouch in like tortoise when I face strong people. I don’t mean people who are physically strong..it is the mind that I fear.
Such people are not found everywhere. One needs to dig into the world and run in circles which present these people. They aren’t born this way, circumstances have made them strong both mentally and spiritually. They know what they want and they know exactly who they are. They know black from white, right from wrong and past from present. They know all this because they have seen the greys and uncorrected truth.

Uncorrected truth. Can truth really be corrected? Is it not supposed to be unadulterated? But what of we add on to the truth..not correcting it but simply adding to it? Does it change the truth or merely add another layer to it?
In our country, a female is worshipped in the form of goddesses and the same female is made to serve tea and massage her husbands dirty feet. Which truth am I to believe? Both of them are equally true and stark, at that. If I change the latter it would still remain the truth? But with a change does it remain the same truth or is it a new truth that I have formed by the alteration? If I do change the latter, in a hypothetical utopic world (sadly) it would be eradicated, and then what would remain of the truth that used to exist?

This is just one example. And with so many truths and so many variations of one truth, what am I supposed to believe and how am I to decide? Who tells me if my choice is the right choice? Who decides which is the right choice?

I am faced with options and I am exposed to media which burst out opinions and views and temperaments at me day in and day out. The people..the strong people that I was talking about initially have also made their choices from these very sources and from life. How am I supposed to form my view about an event that hasn’t occured with me yet? How should I decide if I am a feminist, or let’s say a theist or an athiest?

I have my set of beliefs which are constantly questioned and ground and refined and battered and bruised. I am questioned and bombarded with how I am to believe in someone else’s belief. Everyone guards their set of views so closely and so strictly. I am correct and you should listen to me as well. I have worked hard to develop these beliefs..this truth..
Should I listen to them? I want to make my own truth but I am not sure where to begin. Do I like the colour pink? Do I want the world to be under dictatorship? Does god exist? The kind of people I fear do not have any indifference towards anything. They have a view about everything. Open to change, but rarely do they change. They have an answer for everything. They have an opinion.

I want to be able to make a point and stand by it but I often lack the confidence to hold my own. Yes most of you will feel that I already have a strong character but that is because you yourself are as confused as I am..I can defend myself before you. And you believe my truth as easily as you would believe theirs.
But I make, in front of them, desparate attempts at hiding my naive attempts to formulate a truth system for myself.

Let me state the example of how I formed one of my beliefs. There is a God. I made my theorem about the existence of God from an interesting class that I attended. Started believing in the existence of God once I learnt how amazingly intricate yet astonishingly similar each and every human body is. Every bone and every detail is similar in each of us and yet we are all different. Every chemical physical and biological change or reaction the happens in and around us is proof of the existence of God. Science, he most vehiment opposed of God is ironically, the only proof of Its presence. I believe. (I have the entire write up which shall be posted later)

But such life altering experiences are rare and happen at times which are least expected. Should I wait for an event to occur and wait for the formation of beliefs or should I make mine on the basis or the few experiences that I have already have and hold on to an opinion that may or may not be entirely correct?

This brings me to an opinion being correct and incorrect. Yes. Every aspect of life has a correct and incorrect..but your opinion is yours. It may or may not be correct. You may or may not decide to change it once you learn the difference and are enlightened about it.
Strong people scare me. They are so obstinate about their views and opinions that even after knowing what IS correct they choose to rebel and believe in their truth rather than the whole truth. The truth however, is often tinted by the rules of society. So what am I to believe? Should I blindly believe the strong ones and follow them, should I accept the rules of the society or should I wait indefinitely for an event which may or may not occur so that I am strong enough to make my own belief?

I like to think of myself as malleable. Neither too rigid about what I think nor too flaccid. I have an opinion about everything and will defend it till I can but I am open to change. But that’s just till I can call myself strong. Till then, I’ve decided to do what the picture says..

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from the bettermanprojects

I may not agree with what you say but I will defend till death, your right to say it

Here’s to a lot of questions and being open ended. Here’s to options. And here’s to opinions.

Here’s to me. And you. And a coexisting world.
-stay with me.

Categorization

As I walked down from my building and onto the maze of pavemented alleys that lead to the main exit of the colony, I realised something astonishing. I was headed to the friendly neighbourhood store to buy some brown bread. I have been studying quite a lot for my upcoming final exams and a sandwich has become my best friend and the patent evening snack. No no, it is amazing, the number of variations you can manufacture with two slices of bread, some cheese and salad. Or maybe the peanut butter and nutella variation?

Anyway. That wasn’t the epiphany I was talking about in the beginning. What I realised was, that while I walked the distance from my elevator till the main gate I crossed the path of a few individuals and a few groups and as I passed them, my mind went into it’s usual ‘categorizing’ mode and then, day dreaming. 6 mins and 38 seconds of a journey..yes I timed myself.

The first two people I came across were housewives. Aunty, as I called them if I ever needed to get their attention. Its funny really. In a crowded hall full of the so-called aunties, when you want to call out to just one, you say the same old aunty and exactly that one will turn around and look at you. Its as if they gain some secret wisdom on becoming an aunty to know when they are being referred to.
So these two aunties weren’t one of my favourites in the colony. I dint know one of them and the other one was just not my kinda person. Don’t get me wrong..they both cook amazing food but bleh, I don’t really care about the food as long I have my grand mom 😄

Then I met a friend of mine. Actually, the sister of a friend of mine so technically a friend of mine as well. She’s super witty. She wears shorts. You’ll know why I said this later. We said hello. I categorised into ‘like’ and moved on. Oh and I tried to scare her by saying Bow but that was a major fail.

Then when I walked a bit more, inching towards the main gate I came across a girl who we all know unlIke thw two aunties. Hmm. She, clad in the shortest of shorts and a black tee, said hello to me and I returned the gesture by smiling wide. I wondered when I’d be able to wear shorts which are shorter than ever. The closest I’ve gotten to wearing tiny shorts was when I went to watch The Avengers and I met this school friend of mine who almost reprimanded me for wearing them. In his words, he was scandalized. I wonder what he would feel if he saw her 😛

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that’s me in them shorts. hmm.

So this girl went off waltzing away with her open hair and I drifted off into thinking how I’d be behaving if I left my hair open in the heat and humidity. I saluted her in my mind for carrying it off. Hell I tie my hair in parties as well. No wonder she has a boyfriend and I don’t. That is the secret! 😛

Next up. I reached the gate. And saw brother-sister waiting, probably for a bus or a rickshaw. I said Hey to the ‘bro’ but he didn’t acknowledge it. I felt annoyed. He was growing fatter by the day. How dare he ignore me? I crossed the road and I heard ‘sis’ call out to me. At least I think she called out. I didn’t turn back around because there were cars coming at me from all around and I was holding on to my dear life. Crossing roads is a talent that one has to fine tune with age and time. These two were suddenly categorized into the how dare they ignore me category.

Following that I said hello to the Saha brothers’ shop and purchased brown bread, two batteries and three packets of little hearts. Dont you just love them sugary buttery delights?

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I crossed the road and reached the colony again. This time I noticed a group of old aunties. A very large group. This is basically the older version of the ones I met in the first paragraph, only, they were less busy and their kids were way better off right now then we are. I dint feel like categorizing them owing to the fact that I did not know them. And the fact that they might just cook me good food. Highly unlikely but still.

I went into my building. Saw the security guard. Nodded. Classified as ‘work’. Went into the elevator and came home. I saw mamma. Categorized into family. And then made my sandwich, ate it and started studying again.
And I realised I had to blog this.

I have wayyy too many folders and classes in my head.

-stay tangled. “;,::,@,,”-”’@*#
(That’s a failed attempt at drawing a tangled wire)

Rebirth

So. I had a bad day or two. But whenever I have been having a bad day and someone asks me ‘Hey Sweta how are you?’ I have a standard answer- ‘Not good, but ask me again tomorrow :)’. And this usually works. A nights sleep and some coffee and conversations, particularly with my mother, cheer me up and do that for a sufficient span of time.

I have therefore, returned to my previous ‘bubbly character’ and am determined to keep this up. College will go on, friends will change. Well, so does the weather, right?

I am in burdwan now and i was terriblly upset in the morning while leaving.. but when i returned to burdwan i was given the good news of my roomie not shifting into hostel cuz the conditions are un-liveable!! And then i showed her my phone, and she and i jumped like kids while exploring the features. Then we walked back to college and stopped to eat puchka. Btw, try the Italian capuccino flavoured ice cream that Cream Bell offers and while you’re at it try the Sacchi aam as well.. it is way better than the Kwality walls’ fruttare.
I saw her laugh and i forgot all about being sad. NOW dyu understand why she means so much to me?!

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After that we tied up a friends bag to the college gate and ran as fast as we could. Er, cycled not ran. Haha. Today was a fun day in college. Weather was great and company was even better!

Then i met this realllllllly senior dentist friend of mine. Dada, really and he’s been blessed with a son. The son is so cute!! And their puppy dog has grown majestic like any other German shephard. Loved to be a part of their joy and i forgot about my temporary miseries.

I am happy with where i am. Come on, university rank holder, college topper, why the hell should i be upset? I have far outnumbered the downs in my life by the ups. I am happy because i deserve to be. Everyone has gloomy days and the gloomy ones make u realise the worth of your sunshine-y ones. 😀

And in other news, my final exams are knocking on the door. Need to buckle up and study study study. Kyuki 3rd year mein party party paaarrttyyyy!!

Oh. So my roomie and i made mac pasta today.
Oktatabai!

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105. Thank You.

Yesterday was World Music Day! How many of you crooned your favourite songs all day long? I did not. I downloaded this really nice song and heard it for the better part of the day.

And with it being Music Day and all, LSA made quite a bang with the announcement of the students’ council. I am not going to comment on the whos and hows of the whys. I’ll just say All The Best to those who got selected and a Screw Them, to those who didn’t. a friend of mine is leaving in a few days, like in a month but I’ll be having my exams soon so I need stuff prepared for her. I was song searching and that is when I found that song. Well, to be precise I found it via Castle. Don’t you just love Castle? And finally, in Season 4 those two beautiful people kiss and acknowledge their love. I, so happy that I, write galat english!

I had thought of finishing off this post with more stuff written and less jabber before the Germany vs Greece match in EURO 2012. Who’re you supporting? I am all ut for Germany! Watch the matches for the sport not for the men! There’s more to football. Trust me, I am a die-hard cricket fan but there is something in Football that gets you hooked to it.

Go GERMAAAANYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! :*

Also, the work I am doing with the company as corporate content writer, well my boss was pleased with my first write-in. So yay! I have suddenly been getting a lot of appreciation for my writing. Did I tell you all that I participated in a competition by Random-House? it is a short story writing competition for women (above 18) in India. Results out on 30th. Pray that I make it, please? I really want to get stuff like that on my CV too, other than the academic results. AND this blogger friend of mine really fell for what I write and has asked me to send in a poem as soon as I can churn one up so that he can post it on his blog as a guest author. I was so happy to be asked because his blog gets like a million hits or something! And this junior of mine asked me to write-up some captions for her pictures (which reminds me, i still haven’t done it; lazy me). So all this appreciating is really helping my ego. Some students in  my school have also gone up to my mother and told her about how ‘well’ i write. Thank You. Honestly, I didn’t think I was good enough. *bows*

Germany still isn’t scoring. 22 men running around and still no goal. Sigh.
-stay with me. xx

104.

Lets call this post ‘Train of Thoughts’. Why? Because it has been raining continuously for a long time and therefore I have been stuck in the room for a long time leading me to have a…train of thoughts which is well, long. There are a lot of wires that run from one electricity pole to another here, in Burdwan. And ever since it has been raining, there has been a formation of a train of droplets on them, every new drop ending in the one preceeding it. It keeps happening, no matter how much I will them to move ahead, the drops simply refuse to see that the wire continues beyond the point of coalescence.

Much like what’s happening to me. Remember, it was mum’s birthday on 18th? (which reminds me, thank you for the huge readership on that day!) Well, on the same day I got the news of one of my favourite teacher’s passing away. And everyone I spoke to asked me to move on on THAT very day. How? More importantly, why? When a person passes away, the world should stop, even if for a minute, but it should. It should make a difference. People should be sad. There should be a change. The earth must shift..only a litlle bit, but it should happen. Now ofcourse, if you did not know her, none of this is expected from you, but if you did know her, then hell yes- you should cry. There is nothing to be ashamed of, cry because she deserves it..
Ma’am had touched me and so many more. She was kind, beautiful and an amazing person not only from outside but also from the inside. She saw us as kids, not students. She saw her son in each one of us. She understood me. Ma’am you will be missed and you know that better than I can explain. I hope god takes you to a better place.

Yeh jeevan hai, iss jeevan ka, yahi hai yahi hai yahi hai rang-o-roop.
Thode gam hai, thodi khushiyan, yahi hai yahi hai yahi hai chao dhup.

– This song cannot get more appropriate.

It is still raining. My room-mate is cleaning her part of the room and organising her books. I, like always,am sneezing and snuggled under a blanket typing this out on my phone. There is a cat, sitting by the ledge near the window sill. It is white, with browninsh grey spots. And it is that cat which doesnt eat Marie biscuits so we have nothing better to offer. Choosy bitch, err, cat. I had decided to start studying at 5pm. That got postponed to 5:30pm and now, it is finally resting at 6pm. Have to start at a whole number, you see!

The rain has led like a gazillion insects into our lit room, we bengalis call this one urchinga. Not that you needed to know, but whats the harm in some free knowledge? Oh! I saw this horrendous movie yesterday – I Spit On Your Grave. It is a story about a girl who gets gang raped and then, about how she gets her revenge on those men (all of the men die in the end). It is ghastly and it made me nauseous. Surprisingly, the roomie I have cannot watch ghost stories cuz she’s scared of them could watch, follow and enjoy this movie which had me semi-puking after about an hour-and-half! Don’t watch it if you don’t think you can stomach teeth being pulled out, eyes being swallowed by crows, penises being cut and faces being acid-burnt.

Don’t, even if you think you can, because, you cant!

It has stopped raining, well reduced. I should go eat maggi. And study.

-wired and droplets make me smile. :’)

103. Happy Birthday Mommy!

17th June, 2012 was Father’s Day. Yes, I wished my father but then that was it. We talked a little this and little that, nothing more or nothing less. I’m not very close to him and I don’t know whose fault it is or whom to blame. So, I’ll just blame the Indian Army! Haha, no I’m just kidding. And tomorrow’s my mother’s birthday. To be precise, by the time this post will be up it should be ‘today’ instead of tomorrow.
Last year, Father’s day and my mother’s birthday were on the same day. I had to take a very calculated and diplomatic call as to what to wish first and whom. You should know how much of pressure I had toendure. While my mum is cool and doesn’t bother about the petty nitty-gritties, she tends to remember the details if they hit her heart a tad bit off-chord. On the other hand, my dad likes to the centre of attention at the times he thinks are his moments; much like me (the only difference being, I like being the centre of everything, irrespective of whether I deserve it or not). Anyway, so I wished my mum first and then quickly wished my dad, standing beside her. The trick was, to wait for him to wish her first and then I went Oh! happy birthday mamma AND happy father’s day. I probably shouldnt be putting this up on my blog cause one out of the two parents reads this regularly, but what the hell, eh? My blog, my rules 😛

Anyway, so my mother’s turning a year wiser to-daaay. She read my blog about a month back, for the first time and she had some kind words to say on my Facebook page and here’s what she had to say:

See the love?

Happy birthday Mamma. I know, this year I don’t have any of the hand-made cards that I have given to you over the years. I know, that I don’t even have any cake or gift. (I’m beginning to feel unhappy) I don’t even have my presence to offer to you, thanks to it being a Monday and people working on Mondays.
#note to self: change Mondays to holidays once world leadership is guaranteed for self.

Mamma, you are the one static thing in my world, which is changing so much and so fast ever since school ended. I know that I am annoyingly irritating and lazy at times..most of the times..I hope you know that I don’t do any of it knowingly. It somehow, just, happens. I suddenly become a laid back sack of wheat in when I am with you. You take charge so effortlessly, of situations, of events, of packing, of food, of life as a whole. I don’t know what I will do without you, you know, when the whole growing-up-is-necesssary bit comes in to play. More than not knowing, I am scared. Scared of screwing things up so bad that even you can’t repair them back to what it used to be like. You have made life easy, not only for me but also for Baba. You have made everything smooth. Without your meticulously planned schedules and vacations, the two of us would surely have been floundering about hopelessly.

Mamma, everything I say and do is not enough to explain how much I love you and how much I wish to make you and Baba proud. I work hard, just so that I can be like the two of you. Whatever issues Dad and I have, I hand it to him for being involved the top institutions of the country- Don Bosco (mumbai), St. Xavier’s, NDA, IMA, IIM-A, IIM-C. Woah! Anyone who sees that list will fall off the chair. And you, Mamma? You’re an angel and I have the backing of the innumerable lives you touch every single day at school…

You, Mrs.  Bhattacharya are the best teacher in world, in the true sense of the word to me. Because, you’ve not just taught me the most difficult subject in the world, but also shared it with me- living. I might crib about how much you ‘interfere’ and nag me about studies and it is only because I am a hormone driven nut, who mistakes your care for something else. And you, be the ever so calm Mommy and understand all my harsh words and embrace every fault. Zyada english ho gaya?
What I mean to say is, I owe my success to you and your ways. Every time I feel I am swaying away from what YOU think is best for me, I mend my ways. The results in class 12, the university rank in college, the reason that majority of the people like me- ALL BECAUSE OF YOU and how YOU taught me to go about things.

You have never told me what to do or how, only given me an opinion about the other options. Never have you told me not say what I feel because I might be rude. you’ve let me say what I feel and how and then have fiercely protected me when the world turns against me because you know I was right. You believed in me when most looked away, not once but repeatedly. You are the one pillar of strength in my life. The ONE.

I love you.

And I always will.

-yours forever, tangled and messed up. You always loved untangling things :*

The Then and Now, only I have changed.You remain the same- ephemeral, beautiful and mine 🙂

Unexpectedly good days!

I’ve successfully given two of the three exams! And good news, they end on 21st which means ONE full week of vacation without mommy at home. Yabadabadooooooooo! Although I wont do nothing wrong, but still this feeling is unparalleled. To celebrate this achievement of freedom from 3 whole subjects for a few weeks atleast, my roomates and I went out to watch Ishaqzaade.
Oh, review? I’ll tell you the story in a few words- slap, marry, sex, revenge, dead mom, political rivalry with hindu-musalman spats, apology, marry (again), sex (again), love, kill each other. Story is bleh. Parineeti Chopra is mind blowing. Arjun Kapoor is oh well, I hated his character so I guess his aim to portrat a sick jerk paid off too. I like the title track and that’s about it. I want to watch Ek Tha Tiger nowwwwww!

After the movie, a tub of popcorn and a glass of Georgia cold coffee later, we realised we hadn’t catered for dinner so we headed for our favourite Roll shop. Trust me, there is no better Roll place than Calcutta (or burdwan okayfineiknow). And there, I saw this family, hindi speaking, fairer than the average bong and strangely exuding Army vibes. The lady was asking for a sweet shop to taste ‘mishti doi’ and I, being the ever helpful and ever talkative soul that I am, dove in to guide them to my favourite mithai joint in Burdwan. And then, I asked- where are you from? And out came the response I love to hear- We’re from Pune and uncle here, is posted in Burdwan. And I went Woooooooah! Army people! Yay yay!
You would not understand the kin-ship I felt and the feeling of oneness and belongingness that I had in me while talking to them. With us army people, it’s like everyone knows everyone and everyone has this unique bond to the ONE soul institution- NDA. Within minutes, we were talking about Pune and Khadakwasla and NDA and when Dad was commissioned, when uncle was commissioned, where their son is studying, what aunty does. We even found a mutual friend in the NCC, jadavpur branch and life was suddenly good again. I realised that no matter what, no matter where I go, what I do, how I end up..this tag, this label is something that I would bear proudly and this tag will make me feel at home at all costs. Noone will understand the feeling of walking into an Army Officer’s Institute in any part of the country and knowing that you shall be treated with utmost care. Fort William, while I wait there every weekend for my car, still makes me smile. There is something special about being involved with the ‘fauj’ and being a fauji ‘beti’. Only in there will I be known as Bhatta!

And while walking back, I was explaining all of this to my roomie. Trying to make her understand maybe t percent of what I was feeling- the joy and elation of knowing that there is a CSD, the happiness to know that an ‘uncle’ is around and is bound by responsibility to take care of me during distress. Ah! Inexplicable to those unaware of the Army Life :’)
I happened to mention one of my friends of long ago studying in the IMA, Dehradun to be a fauji. Lets call him a ‘Noun’. And while eating the Rolls that we got packed, my phone rang with an unknown number. The man on the other side said that apparently, my phone number had been scratched on a seat of some bus with my name..some crap. I thanked him for informing me and hung up. 10 minutes later, another unknown number. I picked up the phone, hesitantly, ab kya ho gaya? On the other side was a guy, decent voice, english speaking and did I mention decent? That kept me from hanging up. He asked me to ‘guess’ who he is. Annnnnnnnd guess what!!?? NOUN had called.

Noun! After almost 5 years. I spoke about him TODAY. To my roomie. And TODAY itself he called! Wowowowowowow! And we spoke and caught up. And we pulled each other’s legs and joked. And exchanged phone numbers. Life was good, again.

And incidents like these, moments like these make me go on. It’s wonderful, the life army has given me. It’s amazing, the number of friends and ‘nouns’ I have met because of my dad’s profession. I salute these men. And I am so so happy to be a part of this.

-sometimes, life just untangles itself for you. ❤

Hell Yeah!

You know how there are times where something comes at you, out of the blue…something desirable, something that you might have wanted but never knew that you wanted, and then you take your hand out to grab it and then hesitate. You think; do you really need it or is it just an added way to kill time? So you retract your hand just for a microsecond and the opportunity whooshes past just when you realize that you REALLY wanted that thing and now it’s gone forever- never to return and never to be yours. Has this happened to you? We take so many things for granted. Rather, we take the ‘absence’ of so many things for granted that we never truly appreciate how much we would like for it to be a part of our lives. I missed two beautiful opportunities in the same day. And I know how fucking much it pains to have lost something you know could be yours.

Lets start with this- While it was raining, I decided that I wanted to capture the lightning on my camera. So I stood at the window sill, holding my camera with it in the burst mode, ISO and aperture all set perfectly and I started pointing and shooting, hoping that it strikes within the frame. My aim was perfect. The only thing that wasn’t correct was my drifting mind. I kept guessing where it would strike next and I got almost perfect at it. I let the camera off for one second to think about how I would go prancing to Mamma to show the picture and voila, the damn lightening went off at that very moment and stayed for at least 2 seconds. Why? My camera was ready, the positioning was right. One second and I lost it. And I’ll never get that back. I breathed in, uttered a few curses and started shooting again. This time, it struck and I was ready but it stayed for too little a time and I couldn’t capture it. I lost it. Again. And I was heart-broken. And I felt like a moron.

This is downloaded :/

Then about the boyfriend I gave up a few years ago. No, I am not a cry-baby. This wretched weather is making me think about my ex. So. Yeah he was handsome and intelligent and rich. Yes, we had good times but he kept getting on my nerves. One day, we broke it off. Y’know just, out of the blue. The ‘I don’t think it is working anymore’ kind and he, like an idiot, agreed and that was the end of it. I was fine till I actually lay back on my bed and thought hard about it that night. What the fuck had I done? I wasn’t done with him in my life. I wanted him back in my life. What the heck did I mean by ‘it is not working’? Of course it won’t work if I’m not willing to make it. I wanted him back right at that moment but I was too late and too full of the ever-famous ego. I never called him to tell him how much I craved for him and he never felt the need to ask me. I waited that night. I still wait, sometimes.

Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse-
My mother’s aunt called up to ask if I was willing to go to the KKR v/s PWI match in club-house with her. Just so you know, Sunday is the day my childhood friend is coming to visit me after almost 5 years and I THOUGHT 5TH MAY WAS A SUNDAY, so I denied albeit with a heavy heart. My mum conveyed the message.

AFTER hanging up, my mum and the genius that I am, figured that 5th is Not a Sunday and that I was, in fact free and totally available. So I called up my grandma (mum’s aunt) but by then she had already said no to the sponsor for the passes (her husband is at a very high post) and so I lost my ticket to my first ever IPL match and my first ever match as a whole and possibly my only chance to watch a match in the club house.

I hated my life. I hated how I choose to lose out on opportunities which are practically handed out to me.

Life says: ye lo beta, enjoy..I say No thank you ji. Ugh! But things weren’t going to be that bad after all. My monididu worked some magic (she probably felt bad for me) and arranged for those passes again and I am going to that match now. Hellyeah!

And in between the time that I thought I wasn’t going to that match and where I learnt that I was, I was a major sulk. I couldn’t study. Hell I dint even feel like clicking pictures. I wasn’t talking to mum properly, trying to figure out a way to blame her for the entire thing in my head. And then, as soon as I got the confirmatory call, I changed. Like totally completely 180 degrees changed! I was blurting out college gossip to mum in absolutely no time.
I don’t know why my mood changed. I’m not even a fan of IPL. So then that got me thinking and I realized that we value stuff much lesser than they actually should be valued. I know I know, I’m not going to get all Dr. Phil now. I’ll just sum up everything (mostly because I have exams and need to study. All this excitement and mood swinging has taken up wayyy too much time today)- Don’t get upset over lost opportunities. One day, you will buy your own club house passes and the day that happens, you will get the best feeling you will ever have.

So that’s how my sad day turned awesome!

Adios. Stay there.

Carpe Diem!

Often, we find our minds wandering. for instance, I was supposed to be sleeping now but my mind refuses to shut up. It is thinking at a speed that is faster that light and far too difficult to slow down. Doesn’t it annoy you when you’re really trying to concentrate and do something, the thought of something totally random brushes past your mind and it’s almsot like the mind is trying to run after ans seize that thought..and in that attempt, YOU completely lose track of what you were doing. Say, while reaidng (or studying) don’t you read an entire page but not know anything about it? the mind goes into a trance. And this ‘zoning out’ happens way too often with me.

And what my mum says is true. Noone can make you do something if your mind doesn’t want to.

Trreat your mind like a dog

 

 

 

Think of your mind as a dog. Yes, you heard me. And now, train it to listen to you. It wont be easy. You’ll have to take it out for walks, feed it, nourish it, love it, make it grow, let it breathe, let it play but most importantly, you have to teach it to be loyal and to be obidient; the latter being the most important part of it all.

 

 

Treat your mind to the occasional snooze days where all you do is sit and relax. Take your mind out to strolls in creative places- write, draw, explore, exercise! Feed it with information, news, study something new everyday, solve crossowrd puzzles 9or for the more akin, Sudoku). Nourish it with good food and by good, I don’t mean salads..eat the food that pleases you, that makes you drool. Love your mind for your mind can take you places. Let it play- imagine, dream, desire, LOVE. Never hasten your mind to think like an adult. It will only be what it really is, your mind, once trained to think like someone it is not, will forever pretend and i know, noone wants that. And finally, make your mind listen to you. but who am i kidding? Making your mind do that is not an easy feat.

Everyday would become a stepping stone to achieve that schedule in your ‘mind training’. Scold it, scorn it and one day, maybe you will conquer your mind. But that will only be an illusion:

You think that you are the master of your mind but in reality the mind is the master of you.

It becomes a vicious cycle. You make the mind listen to you and ultimately, will yourself start listening to your mind. The mind is a powerful device. What it thinks, you create. What it dreams of, you achieve. What it hopes for, you make happen. the mind is who you are. you are what your mind is.

Sieze your mind. And you shall sieze the day.

Carpe Diem!

Stretch. Stand up.

Till where can you stretch? No, I do not mean ‘stretch’ in the true sense of the word like elasti-girl stretch..because that would just be perverted and cheap!

Not her!

By ‘stretch I mean- what is your limit? Have you set any standards or are you floundering about this big beautiful world till you get to a point in life where you can look at yourself and say ‘Eh, not bad’? Are you okay with being dependent on people around you? Even if those people are your closest, truest buddies, would you pile on to them for every little thing in your life or would you rather open a dictionary to look up the word P-R-I-D-E?
God, Almighty, Allah; whatever name, has given you two arms, a pair of feet, a head with a brain in it and a heart. Use that heart to get yourself to feel something. I’m going to hint at: ego. Yes, everybody says that an ego is a terrible thing to have. And we all know one fact (thanks to House MD): Everybody Lies. To me, Ego is nothing but Self Respect. Weigh things out proportionately and nothing in life is bad. Jealousy is good too, it’ll make you perform better if you know what I mean 😉

Anyway, I digressed.
Ego. Ego is good. Ego is necessary. Without an ego, you don’t really know who you are or where you draw the line for someone. For instance, how much would you let a friend support you? Yes, I said friend. Omg, now don’t jump up and say ‘But he is a friend so he is SUPPOSED to help me out’ or ‘She is a sister, more than a friend, she loves me’. Trust me, after a point, you need to frikkin’ stand up on your two feet and look down at the world with contempt. Contempt because, the world gave you a friend who halts your growth. If you have no one, then you have noone to either push you up..or pull you down. Friends are great to share, enjoy, vent, bla bla bla. But when a friend becomes a means to get what you otherwise wouldnt be able to get on your own, then you must rethink your so called friendship. Yeah, friends become family after a point but they can never replace your family.

A few days back, this friend of mine was telling me how lucky she is to have been able to live with a family which she got to choose and a family which so SO loving and so much cooler than most others. That she ‘got’ to choose to live with them and that she’s one of the lucky few. I’ll tell you one thing; my family is not perfect by any means.. I mean i could find a trillion things that I’d love to change, alter, add, do away with but never, in my wildest dreams, would I choose some other family over mine. It maybe broken but it is MINE and I will guard its integrity till life leaves me.

Draw a line. Live above it.

Respect yourself. Respect what your family has (or hasn’t) provided you with. Fill in those blanks that stare gapingly at you. Get off your sweet ass and do something about it instead of leaning on people. You have a spine, use it and stand straight.

One day, the world will know you for who you are and not for who you were with.

Break free if it's a facade.