Happiness in HDR.

Have you ever touched a butterfly? The touch in itself is magical; the sun shines brighter and time stops just for a brief moment- long enough to make you realise how beautiful life can be.
You make me feel the same way. Every time I touch you, there’s just a hint of gold dust left on my fingers. When I look at you sitting across the room- I know that I’ve found my magic.
I’ve only felt this happy once before and that was when I read Memory Keeper’s Daughter for the first time. The words metamorphosed into images and I could picture myself writing them in the future. And look, I’m using my words to let you know how absolutely elated you make me feel.
Words have always been the most inexhaustible source of magic for me and now, every time my body brushes past yours, I feel exhilarated- just like a magician after her first successful trick for an audience. I’m in love with you because you make me see the beauty around me that is beyond words and poetry.
You are becoming my magic.

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Why the new year turned out to be happy after all.

The first words that I have said to anyone, be it my domestic help or my best friend, in  the last few days have been- Hey, happy new year! But then, what is truly so amazing about this year, or for any such beginning for that matter? Almost a week into 2013, it is turning out to be exactly like last year, maybe just a little more grown up. So what makes 2013 MY year? How am I going to let this year define my life? This is definitely not going to be a post on my achievements from last year or the mishaps from the past. This is not going to be about how i grow as a person this year or how my life will change because of what I eat.

The new year is really never good. The partying made my back ache and my neck cramp. I danced like a mad-woman and my hair was knotted and tussled. It is even worse for those who follow the drink-puke-pass out-drink cycle the next day, thanks to the hangover. Why o why do they say that the new year is good, or happy? January first, for most people is a haze of aspirin and missed calls.

This New Year party thingumajimmy that we all participate in was the best I have ever had till date but the days that preceded it made it what it was. It wasn’t all sun-shine and stars, trust me; there were tears and waiting in  the sun for your boyfriend to turn up, and there were last-minute panic phone calls to your girlfriends about what to wear and then ultimately looking stunning! Trust me when I say this- I had not expected the new year to be this great. Oh! and there was almost a break-up that was on the cards, but that dint happen thankfully.

My blog has hit 9,000+ hits already and it is not even a year old. I have already typed an application for an award to the Indian Dental Association for topping my college. I did not break up with my boyfriend, and we look so hot together. I have the best pals in the world. My parents just booked another apartment in another city. And life looks sunny! The last month two weeks were probably the most fun two weeks in the history of my life (minus the days in Thailand, of course) but this was so much fun!

My cousin, who is studying the US (so proud) wrote to me about how his friends ‘love’ my blog. Thank you, people. *big shout out*. Oh. And the drummer of ‘p a r i k r a m a’ messaged me himself AND gave me his number. I probably shouldnt be bragging about it but sc-o-o-o-o-reeee! And even better- he praised this blog and I quote ‘Very inspired writing’.

My brother and Mr. Mahajan here made me get my lazy arse back to the laptop and type-type-type. And thanks, to all of you too! Your praises make me write better, lyk rlly mks me wryt bttr. (laugh if you got the joke)

I remember, on Christmas Eve, my friends and I stood in queue (we broke in) and fought really hard to get into the Church and it was totally worth it. I cry every time I step into a Church and that night, while the Priest blessed me in His name, tears flowed down my cheeks and onto my tee and then to my jeans. I was overwhelmed by everything I felt and everything that was blessed unto me and everyone I had met. I cried because I felt blessed more than anything else I felt.

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I remember crying my eyes out when I saw my friends acting like a couple before me. I missed S so much I couldn’t help but cry. I felt like  a limb was being torn away from me. Everytime the couple held hands, a part of me ached. And then we met and there were smiles and tears and jokes and going out and hatred and discoveries and love and all that shizz!

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I remember laughing like a kid while playing Taboo with all my friends then throwing Santa caps in the air, followed by Shisha and then dancing in the winter chill, it was all worth it. Drinking a peg or two of whiskey and the holding on for my dear life while swaying my head to dance numbers for 6 straight hours without rest. I have never dont this and I never exercise so my body was shocked to do that much work with so much attitude in that much time! 😛

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All in all, this year is off to a good start. The praises for my blog and the praises for my photography have made me happy. I found a boyfriend who is an idiot and loves me like one. I found new friends who’re dating my best friends. My best friend finally had her first kiss. I understood how mature we are all becoming and how childish we still are going to be. I love my parents and my grandparents.

Happy New Year to all of you. Continue to de-tangle (or mess it up even further) with me !

Fake this shit!

It has been a while since I last posted here. Have been busy. No, make that- very busy. third year of college started this October and I have finally entered The Clinics. I was super kicked about reaching this particular year, given that I am halfway through undergrad college and that means I am 50% through the ordeal called Barddhaman. and I was pleasantly surprised! I reached Burdwan on 1st and headed to college and waited for 30 minutes to greet my professor (what with all the ‘first impressions’ thing going on so strong these days) and I was informed about the Intra-college Sports tournament that was being organised.
My dad was in the Indian Army and I’ve had a fairly okay exposure to sports. By that, I mean i can move better than most girls and I mean that in the most innocent way possible. So, I signed up for Badminton (given that the other sports were Football and Carrom, neither of which I was sure of playing, I can shoot alright in Football but that’s about it). And I cleared the quarters and then reached the semis. Knocked out and I lost to the final winner so no pride lost.

Anyway, as Clinics duty proceeded in the day, the sports tournament moved forward after college. And I shouted A LOT while cheering for my batch. The usual ‘jeetega bhai jeetega’ and ‘ come ooooonnn!’, blah, and I cheered for the opponents as well O:)
I even wore track pants to college. Oh, and my work in the clinic was basically in the Prosthodontic Dept. and I made removable partial dentures for two patients. One has already been (successfully) delivered and the other is due on Wednesday. There is this fake sense of know-it-all while you are around patients…i say fake, because obviously I don not know it all, I am merely in third year. But you get to actually BE doctor after all the years of playing with plastic stethoscope and toy ambulances and this halo of importance and reverence surrounds you and you just, feel, important.

All the bitterness that was there last year, given the political influence on my baby college, I felt happy that we were all bonding and more importantly talking! Talking too is fake- it gives everyone a fake importance. ‘Oh, we talk’ ‘Oh, he spoke to me’. Just because we talk, it doesn’t mean we’re close. It just allows all of us to carry on with our lives without others feeling left out. People feel they’re close to you because you talk. WOAH! Huge epiphany! We’re all wonderful actors. No really, take a second and sit back. Think about all the times you have pretended to be something/someone you are not IN A DAY. And it is perfectly normal to pretend. We’re taught to perform in a particular manner from the day we learn to understand emotions and that is exactly what all of us do. We all act. we all pretend. We all put up with a farce.

So, how are we making the ones we love know what we really feel. To come to think of it, we need to be real sometimes! Shouldn’t we be able to be ‘who we are’ before the ones we care about at least? As for me, I don’t pretend before the ones I like/love. Strangely, I become even more blatant and point-blank and then I end up hurting them. Shaa.

ANNNNYWAY. There was also a DJ night in college following the Sports tournament which left all of us super-fit doctors with neck cramps and shoulder pain. I couldn’t move out of bed without an Ooooh-aaaah for four days in a row and I enjoyed every bit of that night and those ten days. It is good to be back with college ‘for real’ and even with all the aforementioned pretentious behaviour, I am happy. It is great to have stories to tell and jokes to share twenty years down the line. I hope this stays the way it is, or it may become better. 🙂

-stay loved. stay as true as possible!

Memoirs of a Memory with a Song.

Don’t you just detest it when a perfectly brilliant song is ruined because some jack-ass halfway around the globe decided to make a memory with you precisely when that song was playing and then BAM! three months later he isn’t there and the perfectly brilliant song is pooped. Yknow, there are categories of songs- the mediocre, the good and then, there are the brilliant.

The mediocre are the ones which find their way into your playlist because
– someone gave them to you via bluetooth
-a dude shared his playlist with you to get you to listen to grunge rock
-a break up
-PMS
-by mistake
-really sad sitcoms which make you think ‘wow that song is brilliant’ and then you download it and listen to it on repeat for 567 hours and then, by the end of it you are ready to puke.
-initially a brilliant track which slips to the mediocre because of *surprise surprise* the MEMORIES.

The good ones are good primarily because they are cult classics, I mean, Pink Floyd will never become mediocre because a d-bag decided to ruin it for you. NO! You always come back to life after Pink Floyd, literally. And then is John Mayer and Coldplay and ABBA (and ronan keating). And Death Cab For Cutie (at least some of their songs. I don’t know why they decided to sing for Twilight- the Meet me on the equinox). Some songs never die. I mean, yeah whatever some guy might ruin one or two of those ‘classic’ songs but forgive them. They know not what it means to dance to ‘I will follow you into the dark’. Word of advice, limit these classics to those you know will NOT let you down. Ever. EVER. Like best friends or parents or children. That way, no one can ruin good songs for you. 🙂

^that is a really cute rendition of I Have A Dream, ABBA. Watch it :’)

Then come the brilliant ones. These are comprised mainly by The biggies themselves, each of us have our personal favourites and I wont name mine but you would which songs figure in your list of brilliant, wouldn’t you? The ones which you always listen to, anytime all the time. Like I could listen to Fix You for-evvvver and never get tired of it and I would not let anyone ruin that song for me. No one is allowed to dedicate it to me. No one is allowed to expect it from me. This is MY song. and will remain so because it is too precious for me. The words are too personal. If this song is dedicated to me by someone I love and then he breaks my heart (or whatever) then these very words will prick me and make me bleed. So I wont let anyone burst my bubble. And if you really love me, you wont dedicate this to me.
You could, however, dedicate a ‘Baara maheene mein baara tareeko se’ to me because that song is already hopeless. It means all that you want a love song to and then too it doesn’t stand a chance of getting ruined with a memory because the song already is at the lowest level of music. Seriously. LOWEST.

^Don’t watch this if you aren’t ‘READY’

Now, it isn’t just sad memories that attach themselves to songs. there are songs to which you have joys and birthdays related to. There are songs which make you smile no matter what. there are those songs to which you danced on your first night stay or the song you sang to your BFF after the epic fight or a song you dedicated to your mom on mother’s day. Some songs become good from the mediocre scale because of the memories so never underestimate those underdogs, you!

^Like this one, that I’d love to sing- fights or no fights, we are stuck with each other Pie. Oh, Happy Birthday! 😀

But getting back to the sad stuff (because sad things always appeal more, sadists we are),
I missed out one more category of songs. they are the happy songs which mean nothing. Or sad ones, the blues, which say absolutely nothing to you. Yknow, the kind to which you were introduced to because someone dedicated them to you. The conversation goes like:
Random person who knows you- ‘Hey, this is a nice song and I, in my right senses dedicate this absolutely nonchalant piece of music to you!’
You- ‘Oh, alright gracious man/woman/person, I shall listen to it right away’
And then you and that person become really good friends, lovers, pals, siblings, online facebook open relationship partners, whatever, and slowly you drift away BUT the song still remains on your iPod/Walkman/Really awesome phone like SGIII. And while you’re on a long journey the song begins to play and you remember that friendship (or affair) and just…smile. No bitterness, no joy either but just a memory that does not affect your emotion.
Like, right now, I am listening to ‘Addicted’ by Enrique. No, don’t judge me it is a really nice song okay, whatever. And  this song has become rotten by all the so-called dedication but still it has managed to remain on my playlist and I have no memory associated with it whatsoever. None!

So, lesson to be learnt is just one:

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.

Don’t fight the memories and don’t fight the world from making them for you. If some guy, in his mushy weakness dedicates ‘Perfect two’ by Auburn to you, just smile and listen to the song. And then, remember the song. Memories are a part of life. We wouldn’t stay up at night if it wasnt for those wretched memories and future-planning. Happy or sad, songs and memories are intricate and you can’t argue over the fact that a little bit of heartache makes the songs even more beautiful, ’cause lets face it- even though you categorise them as mediocre because of the sourness attached to them, they are still there on your playlist, aren’t they?

Let life play itself out. 🙂

A final treat for you-

-entangle.

Hell Yeah!

You know how there are times where something comes at you, out of the blue…something desirable, something that you might have wanted but never knew that you wanted, and then you take your hand out to grab it and then hesitate. You think; do you really need it or is it just an added way to kill time? So you retract your hand just for a microsecond and the opportunity whooshes past just when you realize that you REALLY wanted that thing and now it’s gone forever- never to return and never to be yours. Has this happened to you? We take so many things for granted. Rather, we take the ‘absence’ of so many things for granted that we never truly appreciate how much we would like for it to be a part of our lives. I missed two beautiful opportunities in the same day. And I know how fucking much it pains to have lost something you know could be yours.

Lets start with this- While it was raining, I decided that I wanted to capture the lightning on my camera. So I stood at the window sill, holding my camera with it in the burst mode, ISO and aperture all set perfectly and I started pointing and shooting, hoping that it strikes within the frame. My aim was perfect. The only thing that wasn’t correct was my drifting mind. I kept guessing where it would strike next and I got almost perfect at it. I let the camera off for one second to think about how I would go prancing to Mamma to show the picture and voila, the damn lightening went off at that very moment and stayed for at least 2 seconds. Why? My camera was ready, the positioning was right. One second and I lost it. And I’ll never get that back. I breathed in, uttered a few curses and started shooting again. This time, it struck and I was ready but it stayed for too little a time and I couldn’t capture it. I lost it. Again. And I was heart-broken. And I felt like a moron.

This is downloaded :/

Then about the boyfriend I gave up a few years ago. No, I am not a cry-baby. This wretched weather is making me think about my ex. So. Yeah he was handsome and intelligent and rich. Yes, we had good times but he kept getting on my nerves. One day, we broke it off. Y’know just, out of the blue. The ‘I don’t think it is working anymore’ kind and he, like an idiot, agreed and that was the end of it. I was fine till I actually lay back on my bed and thought hard about it that night. What the fuck had I done? I wasn’t done with him in my life. I wanted him back in my life. What the heck did I mean by ‘it is not working’? Of course it won’t work if I’m not willing to make it. I wanted him back right at that moment but I was too late and too full of the ever-famous ego. I never called him to tell him how much I craved for him and he never felt the need to ask me. I waited that night. I still wait, sometimes.

Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse-
My mother’s aunt called up to ask if I was willing to go to the KKR v/s PWI match in club-house with her. Just so you know, Sunday is the day my childhood friend is coming to visit me after almost 5 years and I THOUGHT 5TH MAY WAS A SUNDAY, so I denied albeit with a heavy heart. My mum conveyed the message.

AFTER hanging up, my mum and the genius that I am, figured that 5th is Not a Sunday and that I was, in fact free and totally available. So I called up my grandma (mum’s aunt) but by then she had already said no to the sponsor for the passes (her husband is at a very high post) and so I lost my ticket to my first ever IPL match and my first ever match as a whole and possibly my only chance to watch a match in the club house.

I hated my life. I hated how I choose to lose out on opportunities which are practically handed out to me.

Life says: ye lo beta, enjoy..I say No thank you ji. Ugh! But things weren’t going to be that bad after all. My monididu worked some magic (she probably felt bad for me) and arranged for those passes again and I am going to that match now. Hellyeah!

And in between the time that I thought I wasn’t going to that match and where I learnt that I was, I was a major sulk. I couldn’t study. Hell I dint even feel like clicking pictures. I wasn’t talking to mum properly, trying to figure out a way to blame her for the entire thing in my head. And then, as soon as I got the confirmatory call, I changed. Like totally completely 180 degrees changed! I was blurting out college gossip to mum in absolutely no time.
I don’t know why my mood changed. I’m not even a fan of IPL. So then that got me thinking and I realized that we value stuff much lesser than they actually should be valued. I know I know, I’m not going to get all Dr. Phil now. I’ll just sum up everything (mostly because I have exams and need to study. All this excitement and mood swinging has taken up wayyy too much time today)- Don’t get upset over lost opportunities. One day, you will buy your own club house passes and the day that happens, you will get the best feeling you will ever have.

So that’s how my sad day turned awesome!

Adios. Stay there.

Few Words:

The four words which make a girl feel elated, absolutely thrilled, which make her genuinely happy are not Will You Marry Me?
They are You Have Grown Thin!

The most satisfying experience isn’t sex. It is a) licking on melting chocolate b) to go shopping and find clothes that make you look sexy or whaaaa.

Horoscopes : the one thing no one will agree to believe in yet have a stash of the ‘star sign’ bookmarks. I know you do too.

Everyone gets scared when a baby starts crying and the mother isn’t around. A baby is cute as long as it’s not yours when it poops and cries.

There is no better feeling in this world than the feeling after a good shit faecal excretion! Trust me, it can take you from Ah to AaahaaAAaa.

People fart.

Farts stink. And the bed vibrates while you feel someone else ‘pass air’

‘I Love You’ is less likely to make a girl say it back to you. Do something to make her say it to you first. Smart boy, she wants to say it to you, just give her one frikkin’ chance!

There is a God.

There is Evil too.

You still need to survive.

(this post is getting serious)

Follow a sport. Any sport. Do it with all your heart and you will know exactly why I asked you to.

Love isn’t life. Music is.

Set your priorities straight. Trust the right people.

Read something inspiring as often as you can.

Burp!

And… Stay tangled. (:

Timberlake

Timberlake. Read: What goes around comes back around.
The song? That.

Life has a weird way of coming a full circle. Things will fan out in a way where the good get rewarded and where the ugly get punished. Things.will.be.alright.

Be it now or even 6 years 4 days later, that guy who dumped you will get dumped. Be it now or weeks later, the one who wronged you will be given it back, and given it back good and *phat* in his face. Life maybe cruel, but it is just. The world turns and revolves in mysterious ways. The stars align in magnificent ways. Things happen and always happen for the better.

Trust me when I say that because I’ve seen how just destiny is. I’ve seen it for a fact today. I can’t divulge what or how cause it’s not about me but trust me it’s true. Y’know how The Secret goes on about ‘think good things and they’ll happen when you’re ready’? Well you’re only *ready* to get those happy things when the universe is ready to give them to you. And the universe takes its own sweet time BUT it will give you what you deserve. Not what you want, but what you deserve.

Close your eyes and think of something bad that had happened to you. Think of that person and forgive him/her. The world will take care of it after that. But when something does happen to that person in the end, should you feel guilty? I mean, isn’t he getting punished because of the things he did to you? So technically, he is hurt because of you. He is suffering because of the wrong he did to YOU. So his condition has got something to do with you. And similarly, if you are say, punished for the bitchy things you have done, should the doee feel bad when the doer is hammered down by ”life”?

Small gray areas down there, eh?
Now close your eyes and think of something magical and pretty like stars and sparkles. close your eyes and sleep with the happy thought 🙂

The Indigo Sheep.


When the eyes are closed, we lose touch with the world outside. But what is that endears us so much? It is not like we won’t survive if we don’t know what’s happening around us. Yet, when the windows to the world, our eyes are closed, we feel lost. We feel out of sync with the world. Each colour we see, each petal we feel, every move we make is only after a careful visual selection. It has been very correctly said, a man who can explain the meaning of ‘colours’ to a man blind since birth, is the greatest teacher of all. Despite being aware of this dependence, how many times do we stop to think about how would it be if the world was made of only one single colour, only one shade of it- black? Darkness would have been our true companion.

 Not just merely ‘looking’ at things. It is about looking at things with the correct perspective, a perspective that would enable us to see the future with clarity, with a purpose. The very fact that none of us stop to think and thank these tiny things that actually make life what it is shows how little time we have for ourselves. I heard that the gift of life is Life itself so living it should also be done with panache and style. Vision, tastes, touch- these are what make us see and be the world we are in. 

The people we meet, the friends we make, the fights we try to stop, the coffee we savour, the songs we sing and the music we hear…the things we write, the words we speak, the dresses we wear,all of it will become unimportant if did not possess these small little ‘gifts’.. Think about it. When will we get our priorities straight? When will we value the olfactory over the perfume?! The world has become overly materialistic, too dependent on tangible things. It is just sad that we fail to believe in ourselves and what we already have that we chase after the things we don’t have. Love and friendships are merely used as words to please people. 

Those people who can provide us with a sense of pleasure or security. We are never content with what we have; perhaps it is just human nature. But then, it is human to err (and even more human to blame it on others!) Words seem to fail me at these moments. Till then, make the best out of what you have.

“It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s life. Have the time of your life!”

Enjoy, breathe, look, feel and ultimately you will realise your own power. The power bestowed upon you. The decision to harness it is totally left up to you and your rationality. Perhaps you would choose to be different, but most will be happy to be the white sheep in the herd of white sheep. Some will be the black sheep…but I? I will be the indigo one. 

Different. 

Decided. 

Determined.


Why is it that I see everything with two perspectives? One with which the world views it, and one with which it ‘could’ be viewed with? When i look into a man’s eyes, i don’t just see the tiredness in them. I see so much more. I see his broken dreams resurfacing, trying their best to get a glimpse of what they could have been. I see the love he has for his family and children, I see his helplessness. I see him fighting for what is correct, for what he believes. I see his joy and pride. I see his anger and frustration.  I see what he has tried to bury for the past so many years.  I see what he has been hiding from the world. Perhaps, I imagine too much, but don’t all of us have broken rainbows and fallen egos, tumultuous joys and happiness, frustration and anger harbouring within us. Yet we choose to remain poignant and perfect before the make-belief world we live in. Trust me;

Crying alone is better than laughing with people who pretend to like you. 

Being with them is even more punishing! Break away from the normal. Stay up at night, listen to the dogs bark and hear the birds awaken. Do something you have not done. 

Try. To. Live. 😀