Death by choice.

There are phases every time
Where you trample over me
Over my mind and my body
There are ways you tread gently
Softly over the shards of
The remnants of my wishes.

There are elaborate plans
That you make, to design a ruse
To caress my hair, stroke my arms
And then rip my eyes out with
Those very fingers that I kissed.
And lips I kissed so lovingly
Turn vicious and venomous

There are nights that I await
Your return from the graveyard
Only to have you tear my heart out
And make me bleed all for your
Sinister pleasure.
You make me cry and howl
In a silent room in a Nowhere palace
Surrounded by a clouded sky
Guarding the melancholic moon
Around a field of open nothingness.

I lay out my future at your disposal
The colosseum of my colours
Turn to gray when you walk in
And yet, and yet, I still prefer you
To my ever changing destiny,
To my rainbow
To my all
Because, I know not any other life
Because, love is such a thing.

Living life like a boss. And CAKES!

Whenever I feel lazy to type in a blog entry, I start hyper ventilating. I keep saying to myself (while I procrastinate)- ‘OMG, Sweta, this is it, this is going to be the last time you try to write something and your blog will slowly decay into oblivion and no-one will care’. I start thinking of topics. Every thing, even ants and dust seem to motivate me to write but nothing is ever good enough. I know, some of you do read my blog regularly (have i ever thanked you enough?) and some don’t (why, WHY?) but will it matter if I stop writing?

Now this is not a quest for fishing compliments. I am only just being honest. I would miss a blog if it dies (given that I like it already and it is awesome and its death is untimely). I love the blogs I follow and I read them regularly. I am like this dog that returns to its place of worship but then, there are days where I just don’t feel inspired enough to write something substantial. I mean, hello? I have a standard to keep here! So days go by before I write something for the blog and by that time the stats fall down to a trickle. Shaa, what a waste huh?

Anyway, so what i was saying was that every time I decide that ‘that, that post was IT and my blog will definitely die NOW’, I get a new follower or a new like or a new comment. Something positive always happens and I get all bubbly and bouncy about it. I feel like a little girl on a sugar rush and my fingers automatically type in a new post. 😀

So here’s one for today-
I have been on vacation. post-exams I have nothing to do but laze around, surf the internet, watch TV, watch movies (i recently watched Casablanca, An accidental husband, Autumn in New York, Lost in Translation and Barfi :D), watch House and catch up on Gossip Girl. Oh, and blog. And Read!  It being international book week and all, I decided to buy one of the International best sellers. I am currently reading Shantaram. I am loving it till now and I am only on the 30th page. Shantaram is also my mum’s gift to me on Daughter’s Day! (thank you ma!)

Thats what I did last night- Some old wine, a new book, and chocolates. 😀

My mother’s going on an exchange programme to Germany as a teacher representative and India being a tropical country, we were short on the required woollens so she and I went shopping. She bought her stuff while I looked around the clothes and wandered into Crossword and then, I got stuck. All the books literally stared back at me so I went through some of them (Catcher in the Rye, What Young India Wants, etc) and then decided to buy a book instead of buying clothes. And the moment in which I made that decision, I felt so happy and grown up. I felt like I was buying something that was for life. And so, I am now a proud owner of Shantaram, by Gregory David Roberts. And then mum and I went to a cake shop and I ate a big slice each, of  Blueberry cheese cake and Chocolate Truffle Cake. And then I was bloated. And then we went out decided against having Puchka. We ate Puchka nonetheless and happily trotted back home.

Yumm.

Double yumm.

I read the first page of the book out loud (because it was that good) while mamma tried on her new acquisitions. Oh, and she recently purchased a saree for herself which I wore as well, yknow, just to try it on and my god did I look awesome or whaaa? 😛

India, Incredible India?

Life has become and endless session of TV-Internet-Shopping and phone calls and I am not complaining. College reopens on 1st and holidays (for Durga puja) begin soon after so yes, I am living life right the way I want to!

-Enjoy and don’t detangle!

Why I wont miss second year.

I finished my final final viva exam. No, that isn’t a word repeat error. I actually gave my last final exam for the second year! and when i waltzed out of the conservative dentistry dept., I actually ran to the canteen and jumped in joy. and then I shouted out for my roomie (who was nowhere to be seen) and then I found her looking up patients (already) and we hugged while the bedazzled patient looked on at two girls hug in their aprons (or doctor coats, for the layman). That was a quiet a scene. We adjusted ourselves and controlled our joy, straightened our hair and gave the poor boy a prescription for his gingivitis. Well, we didn’t, our professor did but, oh well.

Anyway, that was that.
Second year is finally over and I will not miss it. I’ll tell you why and I read this somewhere. I am going to list the things that I will not miss about college (or second year, for that matter) and therefore fell happy. That is how the glass-half-full people look at life, right?

the people
The people in my college are not my kind of people. In case you have read some of my previous posts about college, I have made it insanely clear that I have exactly ONE good friend  (my roomie) and then there are two others who fit into the list of people I can like and the rest are nagging, self-proclaimed-know-it-alls who merely attend college because they happen to be in the same state as the building. State= the geographical state. Dont get me wrong, they are all nice people but just not the kind of people I would miss, since that is the whole point of this post.

the curriculum
The curriculum for the second year is vast. VAST. And I do not understand why the DCI doesn’t provide us with a concrete syllabus. There are so many hazy lines in the syllabus which are unclear and I, like the nerd-good-girl that i am, had to study everything. I can safely say that I know more pharmacology than at least 40 percent of the med students and that is no mean feat, given that the government increases the number of MBBS seats at the rate of cancer!

the city/town
So a few months back Dominos opened up a franchise in the B-town and it was more crowded than Calcutta pandals during the pujas. I mean, people it is only just pizza and not very good ones at that! I went in to my usual coffee place and ate donuts that day to defy the public trend and to prevent being killed in a minor stampede that occurred shortly after the first pizza was called out to a family of 5. Yes, grand mommy wanted pizza too 🙂
And that is probably the most happening place in the city/ town. There’s a pub too, but the DJ plays very sad songs which are remixed with bad beats. Impossible to dance. They do not make a mean screwdriver either. And I had fallen into a bowl of green chutney in there so I avoid going there out of embarrassment.

the fights
I have fought with, misunderstood, disagreed and lost touch with ALL the important people in my life. Be it my best friend or my boyfriend. This year has been way too exciting for me and I could do with some sort of balance. I am working on it. I have already got back two of them and I don’t really want the rest back so Yay! I will not miss the fights but I will miss the plotting and planning my roomie and I had done to sabotage her ex boyfriend’s new relationship. But then, we decided that we might have more fun feeding laxatives to the ones we hate and went with that. but then our conscience kicked in (angels, we are) and we did not do that even though we had a full bottle of Mag. Sulf. in our hands. We resorted to making fun of the drunk guy who proposed to her and clicked funny pictures of our other room-mate, which if leaked online will cause the poor soul to kill us.

the politics
No, the politically inclined have not left college. They still cheat in exams and get undue favours and think themselves to be the kings and queens of the world (how small is their world?!). Those of you who know me on Facebook might have read or even shared/liked a certain Open Letter that I had written (which was subsequently deleted by ‘people’). but I decided that my life is far above their dreams. Like, my reality is more cherry-on-the-cake than what their aspirations will ever be so why bother? I distanced myself from them and I refrain from acknowledging their presence in my life from this moment on. Also, I am scared that if I turn into Rani Lakshmi bai in front of them, they might just harm (read: rape) me or my roomie. Better safe than sorry, eh?

the studying without understanding
No further explainatino required in this one. We all do it, and you know why and how and all the details.

 

I know, this isn’t the fun and frolic post that I should probably make my BIG return with after my hiatus post exams. So yeah, here’s the fun part.

I am amazingly relieved that the wretched exams are over and I finally get to go into clinics and kill people. Muhahahaha. Okay, kidding. I am shit scared of the fact that i can just kill someone with a wrong or perhaps, a right diagnosis. I am surrounded by people with shallow aspirations and I need to breathe above the muck. and such dangerous thoughts help me. I am crazy, no? Haha.

Anyhoo, I am certified to touch your teeth now. So if you are prepared to let an under trained person do you, err, your teeth for a fraction of a cost, call me.

See my teeth? Ha.

 

Dont. Trust me. Dont call.

 

-tangled and joyous!

And RIP.

$$ Million Dollar Baby $$
Yes, I finally saw this movie. After being asked to, for a million years and by a gazillion people, I SAW IT.
And now I know why. This movie, although not a true story is moving, to say the least. I never really came about to sitting on my sweet ass to watch it through and through ’cause I thought (read: assumed) it to be one of those triumph over self kinda flick with a chick boxer. So wrong! It is nothing like that. If i could say something, I’d go to the extent of saying- It is better than Cinderella man. Now if you haven’t watched Cinderella Man, you should die. die!

Kaun Jeetega?!

Both the movies have a similar theme but totally different storylines and approaches. Clint Eastwood, as amazingly suave as he is, has done a marvellous job. And Hilary Swank, omfg, if you have seen P. S I Love You and you think you know her, *surprise surprise* you do NOT. She is superb in her skills and by skills I don’t just mean acting- I mean her hooks, her punches, everything. I was attracted to her, yes, drawn towards her. Anyway, The thing is, the movie is a sad movie. It’s not even close to being a comedy. When does one decide that life is ready to be severed? Euthanasia has always been a debated issue. Still is. There are a few points in favour of and a few against it. Well, I am pro- euthanasia for some very simple reasons-

  • It is my life and if I am in such insufferable pain that I would rather be free off it, I should have that option.
  • If I am in coma for the last 15 years, then I sure as hell know I’m not seeing the light of day outside a hospital. What will I do with my life, assuming a miracle happens and I do live and live well? 15 years have vanished. In those 15 years, so much has happened that I would probably just kill myself out of anguish and anxiety of not being able to cope with things. (like in The Shawshank Redemption, when the sweet old library man Brooks) I was here.
  • There is a limit until which one can endure after which there is nothing left to do but sit and wait for death to come and strike eventually. Instead of waiting, might as well get on with it. Eh?
  • Yes life is beautiful, nonetheless- crap. Tell that to a person who has her C1, C2 vertebrae fractured and her leg amputated and she’ll show what beautiful is.

But my mother isn’t pro euthanasia. And she thinks-

  • Pain often makes us want top escape it. Everyone would choose that option if it were made legally available. Pain makes us decide wrongly. suffering often blinds the ones who care. They get so preoccupied with the thought of relieving you that they take the wrong decision..make the wrong call.
  • There is always hope. What if, after those 15 years, everything is fine and everything suddenly falls back into place? Wouldnt it be a pity to lose out on that chance?

Although I have more points in my favour, she does have a valid reason to belive in what she believes in. So in my opinion, with valid clauses and well-justified age limits, reasons, conditions and statuses, euthanasia should be legalised. Yes, it is a touchy topic. No, everyone will not agree to what I say. But in the end, the truth is :