I see the boys and girls around me, holding hands and dating like there is no today or tomorrow, snogging under trees and winking in class and I am often left wondering, wtf is it that makes their relationships last. I mean, how or what sustains a relationship. What is it that the girl sees in him to carry on, despite the way he treats her in front of us.
Maybe he’s different when they’re alone. Hopefully he is.
I have seen so many kinds of relationships. There was one where the couple has been together for the last year or so, but the girl cant help but hope for someone else, a particular someone else, to confess his love for her. It’s strange, the things people put themselves through for love and companionship. It’s strange and amazing.
There was one more relationship where the girl decided to quit going to her college trip, albiet a brief one, because her boyfriend fell ill. He wasnt even there and she decided to stay back. I would’ve felt bad as well, yknow with my boyfriend suffering from a disease but forgoing the trip wouldn’t have struck me. Eaxh to his own, I guess. Maybe that is why she still has a boyfriend 😛
And then I see relationships that are based solely for the purpose of entertainment and i’m totally in favour of it as long as both parties are aware of the ‘only entertainment’ bit!
There is such a scrounging for holding onto relatonships and people accept anything and everything just to have that girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever and I am always left wondering, what is it that glues them together?
There are so so so many things I desire from a relationship. I take every boy as a prospective life partner, maybe not right from the begining but yes, somewhere down the line in the course of the relationship, the thought does occur to me.
Anyway, I know there’s someone. There better be someone. Oh and to al those people holding on against odds, hats off to you and your commitment!
There is constant pull between the things I want and the things I really want. Im not referring to a need but a want. I need to blame this constant state of flux on something so I blame it on my zodiac. Call me superfluous if you may, but the two fish swimming in opposite directions does have a significance in my life. The tug at each other, constantly moving in circles around the same centre.
I want to be with you. I can’t be with you. I should be with you. I don’t want to be with you. I don’t know what I want. I know exactly what is required. I know how but I don’t know why.
Let us be friends. God, how did we become friends? Let’s date. Oh, I am not sure. I can’t wait to meet you this time. Why are you coming?
I want ice cream. Ice cream is fattening. Let me gorge on chocolates. But im not in love. They aren’t related. How does it matter? I need choclate and I need love but I can’t stand either.
I love you. I hurt you. You piss me off. Stay away. I want you closer. Not so close. Don’t go further. I am sorry. But why should I be? It isn’t my fault. It is all my fault. I can’t be constant. I cannot decide. I cannot ascertain.
I’m hollow. I’m overflowing. I need you here. I don’t want you here. Need. Want. The constant flux. In turmoil. In turmoil.
Yes I shall gloat because I want to. (okay no, more because this blog is mine and I can say what i wish to) And because I think I did well. I worked quite hard. I admit, I could have worked harder with respect to the ‘depth’ of knowledge of the subjects. But I did do well and that is what matters. I enjoy life, I have boyfriend(s), I have tried smoking, drinking and I’ve done most of the bad-girl stuff AND I managed good grades so I deserve a pat on my very sexy back. But then, why is it even called bad-girl stuff? Bad girls do worse, right?
Anyway, I did well and so did my other flatmate but my room-mate dint do as well as she thought she would/should and she is sad. I don’t like her being sad. And I’d like her to cheer up. What I really want is to shout into her ears that I STILL CARE and THIS ISNT THE END OF THE WORLD! But I wont do that. I’ll just be there with her, silently until she decided she is fine with it. i am a good friend, you see. (actually I am just scared that I’ll blurt out something insensitive that’ll hurt her even more so I’ll just stay out of her hair for a while, maybe more than a while) I just don’t want her bruised any further because I am socially awkward.
Okay, so back to gloating; I got above 75% in two subjects (out of the three theory papers that we have) and that is apparently really good. The year before this, like my previous batch, a senior got THREE honours, which is WOAH! but I’m happy with what I scored and I am super happy that my college has the least number of ‘fails’. 😀
Hmm, I wonder what I would get for good results. Parents, are you listening? Haha.
I have to go now, I’d love to sit and chat and boast but I’m getting an important call *wink wink*