It’s been a while.

It has been a long time since I have had the time or inspiration to write about anything- here or otherwise.  It has been busy and trust me when I say this, I am not used to being busy. I have no idea how the days fly by and it is a welcome change. Life back at home was stagnating, to put it crudely.

Post graduation- ohmygod is it hard or what? You’ve got to study, run around for your dissertation, prepare for conferences, keep up with your social life, eat food, breathe… get the drift?  I came to a land quite far off from home and I did not expect to find family here. But I did. I miss Mamma and I miss home, I miss my grandparents and friends who speak a similar tongue. Nothing would ever change that, but to have amazing people surround you eases the transition. I found three beautiful people who make me believe that maybe, just maybe, the sisterhood of travelling pants could be a reality.

I knew I would make friends, I am someone who does that easily, but to have people who are kind, caring, goofy and as good as family can get (when you’re away from home) is a relief. Here, I am not just pursuing another degree, but also trying to find who I can be and how I can grow as a person. Every day is a learning curve- from learning to sieve the bullshit from wisdom to understanding how different people are and how small things can make a huge difference. I’ve learnt to sleep with the lights on and learnt to ask if the music is okay- things I usually never bothered to ask- but it somehow comes from within because they do the same for me. As a side note, all of us have the same, and I mean the same choice in music (double yay). I’ve also learnt that I am usually always hungry, especially if someone else is cooking (nomnomnom)

From my room, I have an unobstructed view of this huge tree that has cotton pods hanging from its branches. Every now and then, a group of kids (I cannot believe I am calling UG students kids- I used to be one of them just a few months back!) gather around at midnight to lather each other with cake and I am reminded of all the birthdays I’ve been through and all the friends I’ve had. I often wonder, while watching them run around- trying to escape their friends who have cake in their hands, whether they have any idea how precious all of it is. The memories.

We do everything for only two reasons- to make happy memories or to build a happy future. Here’s to two years and eight more months of a life that better be worth the wait. Here’s to memories being made on the way to happiness. Here’s to friendship and more importantly, family.

 

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The countdown never ends, will college?

The countdown that I had started on my phone on a widget is on its last 60 days or lesser and I have a feeling that this will never really end. Once college ends, once I finish this final freaking year, I will be a doctor. Yes, I’ll have a year of internship left and my Masters and my PhD, but college does indeed end.

When college for you is a major KLPD like it was for me, one has to be glad. But am I really…glad? Not really. I never liked college but I like what I had to study. I had academic orgasms but the people quotient was a big let down and I had to fake it more than once. The fest is an apology for a fest. The administration only improved in the last two years. I’ve seen things be unfair and ignored. I’ve seen things be fair yet questioned. I’ve seen court cases and arrests. I’ve seen friends turn into strangers. I’ve seen flatmates turning into foes and when I said that the people factor was a let down, I wasn’t exaggerating. I haven’t touched alcohol in more than a year while at college and whilst that is a big yay for my parents, it isn’t for me. They say, no good story starts with roti-sabji and that’s all I had to eat in burdwan.
I’ve transgressed from no salwar kameez to an almirah full of them.

I’ve grown as a person and have been in contact with people who have terrible birth deformities. I’ve touched them, made them take their pills, assisted in operations and heard of one die. It takes a toll on you, cancer. Even if it is someone you haven’t known for more than a month, it shakes you down when he dies after a seemingly successful and radical surgery. I hadn’t assisted that particular case since I am junior but I knew of it.

College has shown me terrible lows. I’ve learned to trust more and have more faith rather than be guarded and expect treatment like that of a queen. It has been humbling. From travelling everywhere in a car to battling it out in the rains in the local town service buses, from never having to think twice before changing clothes to actually cleaning the bathroom myself…

But I’ve seen highs too, like everyone else. The usual impromptu outings, laughing our asses off prior to vivas and crying with my head on the room mate’s shoulder when I screwed them up. There are innumerable moments that I have collected unknowingly.
The ear injury, watching football matches, seeing Chelsea win against Bayern, seeing India win against Pakistan, surprise visits to a friends home for food, staying up all night to concoct a revenge against my roomies jerk ex-boyfriend, going out on photo walks, stealing shoes from the rude landlord and throwing them into a gutter. Ah, we were evil.

Friends came, and friends fell out. It hurts to know that I will walk out of college with a group of friends I can count on a single hand and not more, given that we were once the biggest group in college. But then again, I found a good handful.

The interb year will be a year full of more discoveries. My interest in the subject, what I’m really good at and more unplanned visits.
But this countdown that I’ve started, won’t ever end. It’ll start again  because college for me never really began. I am yet to fail a test. I am yet to get caught doing something that I’m not supposed to. I’m yet to be looked down upon. I’m yet to be reprimanded for not adhering to the rules. College has been… loose. There were no rules. There was nothing to break. Everything was… accepted. I was at home. I had professors who have loved me, thought of me so highly that they referred me to their friends’ son for marriage (oopsie). I’ve been loved and adored and placed on on a pedestal after winning the IDA competition at the National level. The letter of appreciation is still there on the college notice board and I feel surreal each time I see it.
Why? Cause when I had walked into this college it was a little better than a shanty. To have seen it grow from merely a cement structure to a full fledged hospital where I’ve become what I will be. I had never once thought that there would be someone representing this college at a national level. I had never once expected to have been supported with as much gusto as I was. Professors allowed me to take their Thesis reports and not just those from my college but from various colleges in the city. Everyone rooted for me, and when I held that trophy in my hand, everybody suddenly knew that Burdwan Dental College exists. This is probably the first time I’ve publically named my college. I hadn’t yet because I wasn’t really proud of it. But hey, I’ve done enough. Toppers of the university are from here. 😀

Having stepped into a college in capris and keetos and rebuked by the seniors, I will walk out wearing a saree and heels.  A lot has changed in the last four years. From the length of my hair to the girth of my waist haha. Seriously, I’ve become a more grounded person. Could college have been better? Yes. Do I want to redo one bit of it? No.

I’ve had my heart stolen, broken, manhandled, mangled, trampled and then rebuilt again. I’ve had torrid fights and hot tears flowing down my cheeks. I’ve lost my bag, notes and probably a few more things that I don’t even know of yet. I’ve had joyous nights which passed in a haze, I’ve had days which refused to end and evenings which have been beautiful. I’ve had conversations and basically, a college life we all have.

So no, the people weren’t as bad, in hindsight and in conclusion. The mass of them, yes.. but the ones who helped me build the memories, irrespective of whether they’re still my friends or not, were a good bunch. 🙂

Sleep.

I am terribly sleepy and have academics to catch up with. I have three books to read at the same time and I am failing at it miserably. I am watching Prison Break at an alarming speed, given that I have said academics to deal with. Wentworth Miller is such a heart throb, OH MY DOG!

I’ve downloaded almost all the Oscar nominations for this year, God bless me, for I have sinned? Online piracy and all that.
Apparently, they check your illegal download history if you apply for a job at the CIA. Well, there goes one employment opportunity… One more, I should say.

My birthday went off sailingly. Being twenty-one is the same as being twenty, I must say. SO much hoo-cha-cha for a days worth of a difference! I got a lot of gifts though, and hugs. The friends from college were bitches, other than a few of them. (I have cribbed about the toxicity of college in several previous posts, so I shan’t tarnish the randomness of this one by delving into details) and the friends from school were the exact opposite of bitches; they were darlings. Family love was duly showered upon me, with adequately excessive doses of affection and adulation.

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‘Nuf for now.

Ciao!

Sleep and choices.

Ever since I’ve joined college, and I did so three whole years ago, I’ve had to make a lot of choices. Most of the choices that I had to make were basically between sleep and other-non-important-thing.

The first decision that I make every morning is choosing between a few more minutes of sleep and a bath. No, seriously,  we all bathe once a day and we know that is supposed to be sufficient but is it essential for it to be in the morning? None of us sleep when we’re supposed to. We sleep late and regret it every morning but do we correct ourselves? No no nooo. We sleep in the afternoon and feel blessed, yet again. So, bath sleep..sleep bath? What did you choose today?

The other choice is between a romantic rendezvous with a lover and sleep. But this time, the afternoon sleep, thus, making us all the more deprived by night. Then, do we sleep early? Nu uh. Nada. Negative. There’s some weird hormonal chemistry that makes us stay awake, robbing us from the siesta and every plan of sleeping early goes down the drains. A friend collapsed or a friend is born..hostels are a busy place at night. Dark circles, hello!

Following which, inevitably, our adorable colleges will schedule a term paper thus choosing between sleep and studies is the next tough choice. Sleep wins, mostly. You can’t battle sleep with books open, unless maybe, if there’s an endless supply of Redbull. And coffee. And smokes?
‘Sleep is..defined as a…ha..bi…’ *snore*

There are endless number of nights that we stay awake, surfing the internet and watching episode after episide of House M.D, Gossip Girl, Grey’s, That 70s show and whatnot. It always begins with ‘this will be the last one I watch’, the battle between the laptop and our dreams. We literally stay up and watch films about dreams rather than sleep and dream for real. Or sleep,for the very determined..but do you really not want to know what Meredith says to Derek? :O

And then, there are times where all we do is sleep.
Class? Forget it.
Bath? Are you crazy?
Girlfriend? Screw it. (You wish)
Studies? I’ll manage.

Sitcoms? Okay, just one though. . .

‘Nuff about sleep. There are a lot of other seemingly difficult choices we have to make while in college. Of course i dont want the world to think that, us, college students have nothing better to do, than sleep.
Now this is assuming you’re away from home cause lets face it, if you were at home, mommy would make sure you ate your dinner instead of making a Top Ramen broth three out of five days at night.

#1 do I wear the same night suit twice (maybe more) in the same week? Washing clothes, such a pain. Ironing them? Hahaha.
#2 should I maybe study instead of staring at my phone for half and hour?
#3 should I clean my room, including that corner with the spiders..and the floor?
#4 should I get off my bed or sleep?
Oh, wait, this was the list without sleep as a choice. Sigh.. I guess I am out of things that don’t include sleep. -_-

Lets face it, the things that keeps us from sleeping without hesitation are
– 7% battery on the laptop/ phone while surfing the internet.
– beer party in the next room.
– a sudden knowledge of a pending lab report in class tomorrow.
– an exam, maybe.

Writing about sleep has made me drowsy.
Zzzzzzzzz
Stay strong.

Laugh!

Every one must laugh. Laughter is one of the most beautiful expressions of what you are, or could-be feeling and the best part about laughing is that no-one has ever taught anyone to laugh. It is something that is inherent.
But with time, we lose the ability to laugh freely. We hold it in, for fear of being judged, for hesitation creeps in, because we learn manners and finally, because we begin to think.

A few days ago, a few of us friends got together and we started cracking very unsuitable jokes at the fattest friend’s expense. She is used to it, being the butt of most of our jokes and she laughed along with us. She could’ve easily felt bad and taken it all in the wrong stance, but she didn’t. She had nurtured the ability to laugh at herself. She knew that we all loved her, no matter what and she laughed.. and boy! did she look beautiful while doing that. I admire her ability to take it in her stride and what she says is very true- Jo sach hai, toh woh toh dikhega hi na. (the truth can’t be hidden, can it?) the ‘sach‘ being her belly fat!

:')

:’)

A few days later, I got together with a different friend group and yet again, someone became a butt of the jokes. This time, we weren’t laughing at the expense of her weight but at her sense of geography. Rome was the capital of Argentina and Greece was a city near Venice! She was innocently hilarious and we laughed with tears in our eyes. And then, the one we were laughing at became all serious and said ‘Why are you always laughing at me?’. And all of us shut up and did not laugh any more. This wasn’t the first time we had to shut up cause she didn’t like it. What she always failed to understand was we never laughed AT her..we only wanted to laugh and we never intended to it at her expense. it would’ve been someone else, if nopt her and that time, she too would be laughing! And she would have enjoyed too, had she taken it in the right spirit. It isn’t like she doesn’t laugh at the shortcomings of others, not in a condescending way of course, but y’know how it is when a large group of friends get together, right? No one means harm!

If you know how to laugh at yourself, you’ll have to worry much lesser and have lesser ego issues too. Someone said something about the way look and you dint like it? say ‘thaank you man!’ and give a big smile. Somebody pulled a fast one on you? say ‘good one, I’ll try it on someone soon!’

And if you can’t take it in the right way, at least learn to deal with your ignorance if that is what people are laughing at. Read, research and the next time, be ready with an answer, instead of being a sour puss. And if everyone laughs at how fat you are, figure out their tics and joke with them (in case you are too lazy to exercise, like me!)! There is ALWAYS another way. 🙂

 

-stay tangled! keep laughing!

Despair

Despair is exactly what I’m feeling right now. And I’ve taken a decision of not keeping in touch with most of the ‘friends’ I have in college. Yeah yeah, they say college friends are for life but I say, what a load of stinking fish.
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The friends I’ve made in MY college are selfish, back stabbing, competition crazy, opportunistic people. And the ones who’re not my friends, are well, not my friends. I made bad choices, maybe. But the lot I know are horrendous. Just one of them from my college is worth keeping and that’s only cause he’s a guy and way above ego issues.

So that’s that. End of post. Byebye.

A really mediocre post.

I found a dried rose in a really old diary of mine, the one I had in class 10. I can’t recall who it was from, cause I clearly remember not receiving any roses from the boyfriend I had at that time. And besides, I am not a very red rose person. I’m not a rose person at all.

I found a tattered piece of paper with a poem on it. It’s not written by me and it isn’t written by any of my friends but it is a poetry on friendship. And I can’t recollect who’s handwriting that is. (Yes it is handwritten so it had got to be from before the computers over took our pages)

I also found my old book of Idioms. I have my favourite ones dog eared and some are even underlined. And the book right beside it (The Fountainhead) also had similar underlined paragraphs. There was a time when I found idioms beautiful and that made the base for me to appreciate complicated sentences. No, actually, helped me understand the beauty of simplexity.
Simplexity is a word made of complexity and simplicity. There’s also a book by the same name.

It is amazing how I’ve grown and how people around me have come and gone. There once was a person who was important enough for me to have saved the rose he had given to me in a dary and now, I can’t even remember who it is from. There once was a friend who thought me worthy of poetry and now she’s lost to the new memories I’ve created. There was once a time where my mother bought books for idioms and now, she watches me read Rebecca and Shantaram.

Contentment comes from within and the family plays a huge role in it. By family, I don’t just mean parents and siblings but also the few close friends you have. I’m blessed with more than a few such friends apart from the loving family. I mean, my grand father just sent me a text stating how proud he is of having me as his grand daughter, and my mother is coming all the way to Burdwan to see me off for the teeny test I have, not because it is a test but because she has a holiday and she’s free, and my grand mother asks me if I’m pooping alright and another one sends me food from the other side of the street! I have friends who’re there for me no matter what and I have a flatmate who agrees to delay his date to collect something for me from home (a letter for college, beat that).

And who knows, even there people might get shelved into a folder in memory and gather dust until one day, where future me, finds a blog post written about them while rummaging through older ones. Or, I come across a note scribbled on my phone. Or a random message.

Sigh. 🙂

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Boys, I tell you.

There is a college right beside my room in the place that I live in while attending college. Raj college. And it is blaring out songs at full volume because of its fest. And I can’t study. The thyroid isn’t half as interesting when a not-so-melodious singer sings remix Hindi songs. And my roommate is out, she’s watching her professor perform some surgery and the other flat mate is a boy, so expecting him to be a little considerate and be there with me while I get bored even after telling him so is useless because he is sleeping and because he is a boy.

Q: Are all boys like this?
A: Yes.
Q: Men too?
A: Yes!

Take any boy you know, however mature, they are irresponsible and irritating and sing weird un-tunely songs proclaiming themselves to be the king of the world. Sorry, I got carried away by the songs being played. But either way, boys live in a pseudointellectual world of their own where the world is all chilled out at relaxed and no work needs to be done in time. They have their own schedule and own timetable, completely ignorant of the other half of the world; females, and therefore oblivious to the harrassment we have to face simply because they decide something isn’t as important as the PS3.

All humans with penis are the same at the basic level. Some may understand more than the rest, some might care more than the others but the problems remain the same. The mature ones aren’t good looking. The handsome mature ones aren’t your age. The ones that are your age are short heighted. The tall ones are too tall and the absolutely perfect ones don’t exist. Well, some do but who cares cause they aren’t available in the first place.

Boys don’t know how to converse. They don’t know how to talk. Hell, they don’t even know language. Very few know how to write. And even fewer know how to interpret.

Bleh. I hate the songs that are playing and I am VERY irritated and I’m lashing out on men. No, they’re actually nice things and deserve to be treated with care and fed biscuits and patted from time to time. There essential to the human race and did I say I hate the songs?

I’m hating them more because I am alone and my roomie is a spoil sport sometimes and doesn’t dance with me when I want to. The party and the fun always happens when she is in the mood. I’m sure, when she comes back she’ll not be super enthusiastic about it when I ask her if we should get up on the bed and dance our killer moves. All she’ll say would be- ‘No I have to study cause sir will ask questions tomorrow’ and I will have to go to the other room so that she can study in peace and I’ll be technically alone again 😦
Only if she is in the mood to have fun, we have fun and I hate it. Urgh!

– crossed. tangled. whatever.

I TOPPED COLLEGE!

Yes I shall gloat because I want to. (okay no, more because this blog is mine and I can say what i wish to) And because I think I did well. I worked quite hard. I admit, I could have worked harder with respect to the ‘depth’ of knowledge of the subjects. But I did do well and that is what matters. I enjoy life, I have boyfriend(s), I have tried smoking, drinking and I’ve done most of the bad-girl stuff AND I managed good grades so I deserve a pat on my very sexy back. But then, why is it even called bad-girl stuff? Bad girls do worse, right?

Anyway, I did well and so did my other flatmate but my room-mate dint do as well as she thought she would/should and she is sad. I don’t like her being sad. And I’d like her to cheer up. What I really want is to shout into her ears that I STILL CARE and THIS ISNT THE END OF THE WORLD! But I wont do that. I’ll just be there with her, silently until she decided she is fine with it. i am a good friend, you see. (actually I am just scared that I’ll blurt out something insensitive that’ll hurt her even more so I’ll just stay out of her hair for a while, maybe more than a while) I just don’t want her bruised any further because I am socially awkward.

Okay, so back to gloating; I got above 75% in two subjects (out of the three theory papers that we have) and that is apparently really good. The year before this, like my previous batch, a senior got THREE honours, which is WOAH! but I’m happy with what I scored and I am super happy that my college has the least number of ‘fails’. 😀
Hmm, I wonder what I would get for good results. Parents, are you listening? Haha.
I have to go now, I’d love to sit and chat and boast but I’m getting an important call *wink wink*

-study much?

Fake this shit!

It has been a while since I last posted here. Have been busy. No, make that- very busy. third year of college started this October and I have finally entered The Clinics. I was super kicked about reaching this particular year, given that I am halfway through undergrad college and that means I am 50% through the ordeal called Barddhaman. and I was pleasantly surprised! I reached Burdwan on 1st and headed to college and waited for 30 minutes to greet my professor (what with all the ‘first impressions’ thing going on so strong these days) and I was informed about the Intra-college Sports tournament that was being organised.
My dad was in the Indian Army and I’ve had a fairly okay exposure to sports. By that, I mean i can move better than most girls and I mean that in the most innocent way possible. So, I signed up for Badminton (given that the other sports were Football and Carrom, neither of which I was sure of playing, I can shoot alright in Football but that’s about it). And I cleared the quarters and then reached the semis. Knocked out and I lost to the final winner so no pride lost.

Anyway, as Clinics duty proceeded in the day, the sports tournament moved forward after college. And I shouted A LOT while cheering for my batch. The usual ‘jeetega bhai jeetega’ and ‘ come ooooonnn!’, blah, and I cheered for the opponents as well O:)
I even wore track pants to college. Oh, and my work in the clinic was basically in the Prosthodontic Dept. and I made removable partial dentures for two patients. One has already been (successfully) delivered and the other is due on Wednesday. There is this fake sense of know-it-all while you are around patients…i say fake, because obviously I don not know it all, I am merely in third year. But you get to actually BE doctor after all the years of playing with plastic stethoscope and toy ambulances and this halo of importance and reverence surrounds you and you just, feel, important.

All the bitterness that was there last year, given the political influence on my baby college, I felt happy that we were all bonding and more importantly talking! Talking too is fake- it gives everyone a fake importance. ‘Oh, we talk’ ‘Oh, he spoke to me’. Just because we talk, it doesn’t mean we’re close. It just allows all of us to carry on with our lives without others feeling left out. People feel they’re close to you because you talk. WOAH! Huge epiphany! We’re all wonderful actors. No really, take a second and sit back. Think about all the times you have pretended to be something/someone you are not IN A DAY. And it is perfectly normal to pretend. We’re taught to perform in a particular manner from the day we learn to understand emotions and that is exactly what all of us do. We all act. we all pretend. We all put up with a farce.

So, how are we making the ones we love know what we really feel. To come to think of it, we need to be real sometimes! Shouldn’t we be able to be ‘who we are’ before the ones we care about at least? As for me, I don’t pretend before the ones I like/love. Strangely, I become even more blatant and point-blank and then I end up hurting them. Shaa.

ANNNNYWAY. There was also a DJ night in college following the Sports tournament which left all of us super-fit doctors with neck cramps and shoulder pain. I couldn’t move out of bed without an Ooooh-aaaah for four days in a row and I enjoyed every bit of that night and those ten days. It is good to be back with college ‘for real’ and even with all the aforementioned pretentious behaviour, I am happy. It is great to have stories to tell and jokes to share twenty years down the line. I hope this stays the way it is, or it may become better. 🙂

-stay loved. stay as true as possible!