The X-YZ of things.

I am bitter and not feeling very bright at the moment, so pardon the hatred. This is almost exclusively for a particular set of people in the world and that is, surprise surprise, the ex. It could be an ex boyfriend or a girlfriend or heck, even a friend. It is human tendency to do two of the things that I will write about here, post an ‘end’ to the said relationship.
First, you would want to claw back to the person (assuming that you re the one who was dumped, obviously)
Second, you would bad mouth that person or, listen to others talk bull about them.

Let’s go serially:
The clawing back phenomenon is very common. Obviously, they were an important part of your life and without them it feels empty and you want to fill their void only with their presence. Everything that you would have taken for granted suddenly becomes about them. I read a comic strip on Facebook a while back which went something like this-
Person A-“Yes! I am finally over her. I can live now”
Friend- “Great! Hey, want some water?”
A- “OMG SHE LOVED WATER :'(”

Yes I know It would look better with the comic strip, but I can not seem to find it. Blah.

Anyway, the point is, the feeling is normal. You would do everything in you power to get them to like you again. It is not your fault. It happened to me too when I was dumped, long long ago. I was heart-broken and sad and whatnot. At one point in time, I assumed that person to be someone without whom I would not be able to live, but look at me now; living and all. Ha!
But there are some of you who take this to a whole new level. Don’t play the sympathy card with their friend(s). Yes, the sad part is ‘you still love them’ despite the fact that they ‘mutilated’ your heart and stomped on it, repeatedly. Don’t do that. It isn’t healthy, not for your ego or for the friendship. Just because they took the call of ending the relationship does not mean they aren’t hurting. It does not mean they have a stone cold heart.

The usual protocol after a break up is to not talk for a couple of months, preferably years. Maintain it. Only because a person was your everynight-phone-companion, does not mean they will remain so for life. While dating, people say a lot of things
– I will always love you
– I will watch our grandchildren grow old with you
– Let’s go to switzerland
– Buy a dog
-Laser tag is a sad sport
Making lists is fun (…but I digress)

But don’t hold it against them when the break up does happen. I mean seriously, are you new to the dating world? People say things. It doesn’t mean they did not mean it while they said it! So don’t play the sympathy card. Don’t try to rope in all of their friends on to your side. Remember, a break up always has two people involved. The one to call it quits may have started the process earlier but they need their friends too.

break_up_by_LNePrZ

The second:
And if you DO end up playing the fool by pretending to be the one who is the victim, like they announced war on your tiny heart, grow up. The first rule to move on is accepting the fact that you need to. Pretending to be ‘fine’ and acting ‘cool’ is not helping anyone.
Also, learn to differentiate between those who really want your good and those who just want to laugh at you behind your back while you grieve. Let me tell you my story. Long back, when I broke up with this guy, I was in regular contact with one of his friends. After the break up, the guy had only sad, sad things to tell me about the said boy. He filled me in with snippets of false news that made me pity my ex. The friend told me all about his grades in school (they were low) and  spats with teachers (thee were many), popularity (hated by all class mates) and simultaneously, the friend kept praising himself (high grades, and I assumed he was a teacher’s pet and student of the year). At that age, the three criteria that were mentioned to me were important aspects of a student’s life, the fact that a boy once dated was flunking grades disturbed me. Two months later I came to know how the friend was really trying to make me fall for him. Every word that he uttered about the ex was a tweaked version of the truth, a lie actually.

^the moral there is don’t believe everything people have to say. Also, don’t go on spreading rumours and make the poor -ex an anomaly to the social structure. Respect the privacy. Understand the dynamics of the people. By telling everyone that you love them despite the horrendous way they treated you and describing how you JUST know they never loved you, makes them the bad person . What have they actually done? Broken up with you and not spoken? THAT is the crime you are holding them responsible for and therefore that makes them heartless? Then yes, maybe they’re guilty in YOUR court of law. I have done it myself too, when I was new to this world. But now, I have matured. And I hope you do too.

Advertisements

Post Break-up Syndrome.

The world seems to be collapsing around you while you desperately try holding onto whatever you can lay your hands on- his favourite band, his favourite poem, the book he last dog-eared or the perfume you never really liked. You look around your room and spot his nail cutter on your dressing table or you look at an advertisement you had both laughed at, together, and then it happens- you feel a rush of tears stinging your eyes, your cheeks go warm and you repent your decision of ending things with him.
He wasn’t that bad after all, was he? All he wanted was for you to cut your hair or grow your nails. All you had complained of was him being an hour late sometimes and surely that can be worked out. All the differences and reasons for the ‘premature’ termination of your relationship begin to seem superfluous and frankly, childish. There is nothing a glass of wine and good conversation cannot sort out, is there? This is the Post Break-up Syndrome.  It is characterised by reckless dating, excessive drinking, excessive shopping, stalking your ex boyfriends, a high sugar diet, self-doubt, prolonged sleeping hours, regret, irritation, reading break-up quotations online, understanding song lyrics and most of all, the need to get back.

So, you call your best friend and ask her if the haste made waste, if the dog pooped early, if…okay, I am out of metaphors. Simply put, you ask her if you were wrong. She will not give you advice but hear you out while you figure out your own mess and while talking to her, and in turn talking to yourself, you hear the reasons out loud and you realise that the decision was in fact right. A difficult choice to live with, but a correct one indeed.

So how does one get over a significant other? You can delete his number, block him on facebook and hide the photographs. You can remove his physical presence from your life, you can pretend that he doesn’t exist and all of this will go on perfectly fine till that one day where you suddenly listen to a song you both danced to, or an old message in you inbox that got ignored while you were on a deleting spree or the news of him dating someone else reaches you. The world will be a perfectly rotating spheroid TILL THAT DAY, after which all his ticks and non-sensical habit will make sense. You will see that you’ve grown and have matured enough to accept the mistakes he had made 7 months back and you will ache to get him back but it is too late. He has moved on, probably as painstakingly as you have (or may be not) and he won the break-up game.

But that’s what popular belief says; that the one who dates first is the winner. I do not agree- I believe that the one who ends up happiest is the winner. Yes, there will be hiccups in getting over him (for god’s sake you loved him once upon a fairytale time ago) and you will question the choices you made. Yes, there might be a chance that ending it was a mistake, you probably should have waited a day or two more, maybe just maybe things would have turned around.

And then you will read something. Something so life-changing that you feel happy and light, like cotton. You’re a reader and he was not. You sing in the shower while he just, showered. You asked philosophical questions and answered them with candy-floss analogies while his dream interview is with Smith and Wesson. You looked at the stars, he saw the dark, dark sky. And then, you call your best friend again, to share your epiphany and she calmly makes you understand that two halves make a whole. That, while you focussed on the stars and he looked at their background, while you read all the time, he read the newspaper (and that’s the point where you make a face and disagree- newspaper is not reading duh!).
Then, once your BFF is done explaining to you why opposites attract, you say just a few sentences to her and she knows that you’ve won the argument-

I need a man who knows what poetry is, how beautifully one sentence flows into another. I need a man who carries a handkerchief with him, not to wipe off my tears but to clean the ketchup that I accidentally dropped on his shirt. I need a man who reads out Beethoven to me, instead of making me listen to his symphonies. I need a man who can make me lose an argument. I need a man who shuts me up by kissing me. I need a man who understands my fascination with House. MD. I need a man whose words seem like a song, whose voice makes me tingle. I don’t get that in him, sweetheart. I get a lot of other things, but not these. I can put in a handkerchief in his pocket and make him watch sitcoms but can I make him feel the beauty of Haiku? Can I make him stir his soul like a good book stirs mine? I am incapable, not him.

Till the time you reach an epiphany, the post break-up syndrome continues.

-All the best, I hope this helped. And if it did not, boo hoo, just start to not care and you’ll soon find another jerk who’ll also leave you 🙂

love_268___break_up_v_by_theplatypusgallery-d333g4a

Why the new year turned out to be happy after all.

The first words that I have said to anyone, be it my domestic help or my best friend, in  the last few days have been- Hey, happy new year! But then, what is truly so amazing about this year, or for any such beginning for that matter? Almost a week into 2013, it is turning out to be exactly like last year, maybe just a little more grown up. So what makes 2013 MY year? How am I going to let this year define my life? This is definitely not going to be a post on my achievements from last year or the mishaps from the past. This is not going to be about how i grow as a person this year or how my life will change because of what I eat.

The new year is really never good. The partying made my back ache and my neck cramp. I danced like a mad-woman and my hair was knotted and tussled. It is even worse for those who follow the drink-puke-pass out-drink cycle the next day, thanks to the hangover. Why o why do they say that the new year is good, or happy? January first, for most people is a haze of aspirin and missed calls.

This New Year party thingumajimmy that we all participate in was the best I have ever had till date but the days that preceded it made it what it was. It wasn’t all sun-shine and stars, trust me; there were tears and waiting in  the sun for your boyfriend to turn up, and there were last-minute panic phone calls to your girlfriends about what to wear and then ultimately looking stunning! Trust me when I say this- I had not expected the new year to be this great. Oh! and there was almost a break-up that was on the cards, but that dint happen thankfully.

My blog has hit 9,000+ hits already and it is not even a year old. I have already typed an application for an award to the Indian Dental Association for topping my college. I did not break up with my boyfriend, and we look so hot together. I have the best pals in the world. My parents just booked another apartment in another city. And life looks sunny! The last month two weeks were probably the most fun two weeks in the history of my life (minus the days in Thailand, of course) but this was so much fun!

My cousin, who is studying the US (so proud) wrote to me about how his friends ‘love’ my blog. Thank you, people. *big shout out*. Oh. And the drummer of ‘p a r i k r a m a’ messaged me himself AND gave me his number. I probably shouldnt be bragging about it but sc-o-o-o-o-reeee! And even better- he praised this blog and I quote ‘Very inspired writing’.

My brother and Mr. Mahajan here made me get my lazy arse back to the laptop and type-type-type. And thanks, to all of you too! Your praises make me write better, lyk rlly mks me wryt bttr. (laugh if you got the joke)

I remember, on Christmas Eve, my friends and I stood in queue (we broke in) and fought really hard to get into the Church and it was totally worth it. I cry every time I step into a Church and that night, while the Priest blessed me in His name, tears flowed down my cheeks and onto my tee and then to my jeans. I was overwhelmed by everything I felt and everything that was blessed unto me and everyone I had met. I cried because I felt blessed more than anything else I felt.

DSC_0126

I remember crying my eyes out when I saw my friends acting like a couple before me. I missed S so much I couldn’t help but cry. I felt like  a limb was being torn away from me. Everytime the couple held hands, a part of me ached. And then we met and there were smiles and tears and jokes and going out and hatred and discoveries and love and all that shizz!

DSC_0069

I remember laughing like a kid while playing Taboo with all my friends then throwing Santa caps in the air, followed by Shisha and then dancing in the winter chill, it was all worth it. Drinking a peg or two of whiskey and the holding on for my dear life while swaying my head to dance numbers for 6 straight hours without rest. I have never dont this and I never exercise so my body was shocked to do that much work with so much attitude in that much time! 😛

DSC_0291

All in all, this year is off to a good start. The praises for my blog and the praises for my photography have made me happy. I found a boyfriend who is an idiot and loves me like one. I found new friends who’re dating my best friends. My best friend finally had her first kiss. I understood how mature we are all becoming and how childish we still are going to be. I love my parents and my grandparents.

Happy New Year to all of you. Continue to de-tangle (or mess it up even further) with me !

I promise..

image

..and watch them twinkle

When I said them, I had meant them. I don’t lie. I didn’t lie. And I miss you. I miss the nights we spent dreaming about the could-be and should-be. And about the day dreams we shared and the nightmares that made us huddle together. I miss the touch of your hand when the warm tears flowed down my cheeks and the sound of your laughter. I miss sounding gay and dancing around after being drunk on 2 pegs, like that’s even possible. I miss planning to watch movies with you. I miss not ending up watching them, afterall. I miss hoping to be with you. I miss the thrill of not knowing whether you’re coming.

I miss you. Drinking coffee and making cookies. And planning to make the coffee. And the cookies. And I miss completing the unfinished movies with you while trashing Harry Potter. I miss waiting for you to text first. I miss making you recharge my number. I miss making myself scold you.

I miss listening to lyrics and thinking about you. I miss confusing you about posts on my blog. And feeling irritated when you simply don’t understand stuff. And then I see your cute bespectacled face and melt. I miss talking like your lesbian lover. I miss loving you, like, in a non-sexual way. Or maybe, sexual too 😛

I don’t know who this post is about. There are glimpses of many friendships and relationships. Go figure.

And there have been many affairs
Many times I’ve thought to leave
But I bite my lip and turn around
Cause you’re the warmest thing I’ve ever found
– You’re in My Heart/ Rod Stewart.

Of sudden breaths and real feelings.

I am listening to some really bad music by A.R Rehman and I realised that grand romantic gestures happen only in the movies. Do boyfriends really fly down from half the way around the globe to meet the one they love? Do roses really look more red onscreen? Are there really no cheaper gifts than diamonds? Do normal girls meet their prince in a Rolls Royce only in gossip girl? Or is there some semblance of reality in what they show on the silver screen?

image

I would like a grand romantic gesture, if someone decided I am worth the effort (and let’s face it, money). Yknow, the kind where I am sent bouquets after bouquets merely because I am unwell. Or the occasional diamond (haha). Okay no seriously, how many of us really end up getting the fairytale romantic gestures? It isn’t fair, how the movies glorify love. To us, girls, love is like a dream sequence where the boy would propose in a game of Scrabble and we would see hearts on the coffee foam. It is surreal, the way we imagine love, in the true sense of the word.

Do the horse-coach pick ups and limousine drop offs only happpen in books and stories? Why haven’t I seen a candle light dinner yet, one that is actually planned so and not forced by CESC? I want to simply know if the ‘hands to your cheeks surprised’ expression that the female brightens the screen with, is genuine or make belief. All I want is one dance I the rain. All I’d like is one valentine gift. All I want is one sunrise together and maybe a sunset too. All I want is youuuuuu. Okay that was U2 speaking.

Knight in shining armour, prove to me that you exist and give me my grand romance. Just once, cause post that it would just be an overdose.

image

– waiting for the star to fall.

Third post in.

I’m currently on my flight till Bangkok from Phuket. There are a lot of Indians on this flight. Lot. Yesterday was a good day, we went to Phi Phi island. Funny thing, I haven’t quite understood why they keep referring to it as P.P island..peepee could actually mean something else! And to have an entire island dedicated to it seems legit because that is primarily what is most used there. French, Russian, American, European, you name it and they are there with their Thai escorts massaging them to glory and orgasms. There was this biiiiiig group of French men travelling with us (and a hundred others) on the cruise till the Island. They were the ones enjoying the most- singing, drinking, smoking and one of the guys was a proud owner of 5 hickeys on his neck!

Anyway, after a 2.5 hour ride we changed boats and wentboff for snorkeling which was scary initially. Breathing through your mouth becomes difficult if you’re from a country like India where you’re taught to specifically breathe through your nose to avoid the pollution! After a minute of hesitation and a minor ‘Give up’ I finally did end up looking underwater and it was beautiful 🙂
There were so many fish and corals and algae and so many colours! Although the reef isn’t the best that is available but it was good enough for me. It isn’t anything special really, not for the ones who’ve been to better, more exotic locations abut it was pretty nice for me. Oh. And I wore a bikini! WoOt.

The 2.5 hour journey in the sun on the deck was tiring but fun, courtesy the number of ethnicities I was surrounded by. There was a lady from Bahrain who kept saying how good the camera of her iPhone was and how sucky Canon is. And her son kept laughing. He had long eyelashes. We all look like the country we belong to…and I could easily identify the Indians and precisely begalis in the crowd.

After another journey back to Phuket, which was mainly spent in sleeping and watching The Karate Kid (the one with will smiths son) in interstices. And I has the Kwality Walls Magnum. I wonder why they don’t introduce it in India. I am tired of the Feast and Chocobar :/

Anyway, Bangkok and Pattaya should be as good.
-stay a traveller 🙂