Aaah! :(

What I wouldn’t do to be in Pune right now. Two of the people who mean the most to me are there and I could literally give an arm to go there asap!
My best friend has chicken pox and I really want to give her a hug. I want to sit and draw things with her and learn The Cup Song.
And my stud boy is achieving all these major feats in his college and I want to be a part of it too. He’s doing what he’s always wanted to and that makes me so happy!

I wish I could to there, just, that’s all I wish. As soon as possible.
I owe it to them, more than anything. I did not see my BFF’s college in Delhi and I haven’t seen stud-boy’s college the way I want to, per se. And they’ve both been more than enthusiastic, and have travelled with me to mine, albeit it’s closer to home than the distance I have to travel to see theirs. Ha!

Aaaah! I miss them so much 😦
I’d travel for a day just to be there for a day. *ptch*

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A wallflower; under construction.

I just watched The Perks of being a wallflower. And I feel sad, irrevocably sad. I’ve been feeling sad for quite a few days now and this feeling? I feel it only when I’m supposed to be doing something, something important,  but end up not doing it, for whatever reasons. Read the following with the voice in your head, do a mimic of Emma Watson. Make it sound deep. With background music, preferably.. I’d suggest Pearly-Dewdrops’ Drop or maybe a John Mayer song? People go. Some leave. Some linger. Some promise to return, but there is always one person, who you know will return, will keep that promise and will come back. And I miss my person. I miss her terribly. There are moments where I was weak and I need to be strong. In life, sometimes, all you can do is build memories with a person. Go outside with them, sing songs, dance, write, be with them..and then, when that person is away, you hope that those memories are strong enough to make a road to wherever that person is. And then, hope that the road is simple enough to lead you both back to where you belong. But where do two people, lost, swimming in a fish bowl, belong? They belong to one another. And then, you know, just know, that the memories you have are there for good and that all you can do is wait. Wait ror new memories.  Wait for that person to find the road and signal to you, in your own little code, that the way is clear; that she needs you too, she’s had bad days as well, that she’s missed you as pathetically as you’ve missed her. And you smile and look back at the days you wept because you had things to say and couldn’t, because she was happy and you wanted to be happy too but just couldn’t, because inside you wished that she would understand that you need her to ask you specifically- what has been going on, on the other side of that road? But you remember you’re smiling because the road was strong and she signalled. The road, leading to her new world..and you tiptoe into it, holding her hand, with glittering eyes and trembling fingers, and look at her and she smiles back. And you know, just know, that a road apart will not take her away. Your best friend. But till then, all you can do is wait. And hope that the memories build a road strong enough, strong enough to lead you both back. -written on 12.07.2013 @ 11:30pm

 

 

Post Break-up Syndrome.

The world seems to be collapsing around you while you desperately try holding onto whatever you can lay your hands on- his favourite band, his favourite poem, the book he last dog-eared or the perfume you never really liked. You look around your room and spot his nail cutter on your dressing table or you look at an advertisement you had both laughed at, together, and then it happens- you feel a rush of tears stinging your eyes, your cheeks go warm and you repent your decision of ending things with him.
He wasn’t that bad after all, was he? All he wanted was for you to cut your hair or grow your nails. All you had complained of was him being an hour late sometimes and surely that can be worked out. All the differences and reasons for the ‘premature’ termination of your relationship begin to seem superfluous and frankly, childish. There is nothing a glass of wine and good conversation cannot sort out, is there? This is the Post Break-up Syndrome.  It is characterised by reckless dating, excessive drinking, excessive shopping, stalking your ex boyfriends, a high sugar diet, self-doubt, prolonged sleeping hours, regret, irritation, reading break-up quotations online, understanding song lyrics and most of all, the need to get back.

So, you call your best friend and ask her if the haste made waste, if the dog pooped early, if…okay, I am out of metaphors. Simply put, you ask her if you were wrong. She will not give you advice but hear you out while you figure out your own mess and while talking to her, and in turn talking to yourself, you hear the reasons out loud and you realise that the decision was in fact right. A difficult choice to live with, but a correct one indeed.

So how does one get over a significant other? You can delete his number, block him on facebook and hide the photographs. You can remove his physical presence from your life, you can pretend that he doesn’t exist and all of this will go on perfectly fine till that one day where you suddenly listen to a song you both danced to, or an old message in you inbox that got ignored while you were on a deleting spree or the news of him dating someone else reaches you. The world will be a perfectly rotating spheroid TILL THAT DAY, after which all his ticks and non-sensical habit will make sense. You will see that you’ve grown and have matured enough to accept the mistakes he had made 7 months back and you will ache to get him back but it is too late. He has moved on, probably as painstakingly as you have (or may be not) and he won the break-up game.

But that’s what popular belief says; that the one who dates first is the winner. I do not agree- I believe that the one who ends up happiest is the winner. Yes, there will be hiccups in getting over him (for god’s sake you loved him once upon a fairytale time ago) and you will question the choices you made. Yes, there might be a chance that ending it was a mistake, you probably should have waited a day or two more, maybe just maybe things would have turned around.

And then you will read something. Something so life-changing that you feel happy and light, like cotton. You’re a reader and he was not. You sing in the shower while he just, showered. You asked philosophical questions and answered them with candy-floss analogies while his dream interview is with Smith and Wesson. You looked at the stars, he saw the dark, dark sky. And then, you call your best friend again, to share your epiphany and she calmly makes you understand that two halves make a whole. That, while you focussed on the stars and he looked at their background, while you read all the time, he read the newspaper (and that’s the point where you make a face and disagree- newspaper is not reading duh!).
Then, once your BFF is done explaining to you why opposites attract, you say just a few sentences to her and she knows that you’ve won the argument-

I need a man who knows what poetry is, how beautifully one sentence flows into another. I need a man who carries a handkerchief with him, not to wipe off my tears but to clean the ketchup that I accidentally dropped on his shirt. I need a man who reads out Beethoven to me, instead of making me listen to his symphonies. I need a man who can make me lose an argument. I need a man who shuts me up by kissing me. I need a man who understands my fascination with House. MD. I need a man whose words seem like a song, whose voice makes me tingle. I don’t get that in him, sweetheart. I get a lot of other things, but not these. I can put in a handkerchief in his pocket and make him watch sitcoms but can I make him feel the beauty of Haiku? Can I make him stir his soul like a good book stirs mine? I am incapable, not him.

Till the time you reach an epiphany, the post break-up syndrome continues.

-All the best, I hope this helped. And if it did not, boo hoo, just start to not care and you’ll soon find another jerk who’ll also leave you 🙂

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Why the new year turned out to be happy after all.

The first words that I have said to anyone, be it my domestic help or my best friend, in  the last few days have been- Hey, happy new year! But then, what is truly so amazing about this year, or for any such beginning for that matter? Almost a week into 2013, it is turning out to be exactly like last year, maybe just a little more grown up. So what makes 2013 MY year? How am I going to let this year define my life? This is definitely not going to be a post on my achievements from last year or the mishaps from the past. This is not going to be about how i grow as a person this year or how my life will change because of what I eat.

The new year is really never good. The partying made my back ache and my neck cramp. I danced like a mad-woman and my hair was knotted and tussled. It is even worse for those who follow the drink-puke-pass out-drink cycle the next day, thanks to the hangover. Why o why do they say that the new year is good, or happy? January first, for most people is a haze of aspirin and missed calls.

This New Year party thingumajimmy that we all participate in was the best I have ever had till date but the days that preceded it made it what it was. It wasn’t all sun-shine and stars, trust me; there were tears and waiting in  the sun for your boyfriend to turn up, and there were last-minute panic phone calls to your girlfriends about what to wear and then ultimately looking stunning! Trust me when I say this- I had not expected the new year to be this great. Oh! and there was almost a break-up that was on the cards, but that dint happen thankfully.

My blog has hit 9,000+ hits already and it is not even a year old. I have already typed an application for an award to the Indian Dental Association for topping my college. I did not break up with my boyfriend, and we look so hot together. I have the best pals in the world. My parents just booked another apartment in another city. And life looks sunny! The last month two weeks were probably the most fun two weeks in the history of my life (minus the days in Thailand, of course) but this was so much fun!

My cousin, who is studying the US (so proud) wrote to me about how his friends ‘love’ my blog. Thank you, people. *big shout out*. Oh. And the drummer of ‘p a r i k r a m a’ messaged me himself AND gave me his number. I probably shouldnt be bragging about it but sc-o-o-o-o-reeee! And even better- he praised this blog and I quote ‘Very inspired writing’.

My brother and Mr. Mahajan here made me get my lazy arse back to the laptop and type-type-type. And thanks, to all of you too! Your praises make me write better, lyk rlly mks me wryt bttr. (laugh if you got the joke)

I remember, on Christmas Eve, my friends and I stood in queue (we broke in) and fought really hard to get into the Church and it was totally worth it. I cry every time I step into a Church and that night, while the Priest blessed me in His name, tears flowed down my cheeks and onto my tee and then to my jeans. I was overwhelmed by everything I felt and everything that was blessed unto me and everyone I had met. I cried because I felt blessed more than anything else I felt.

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I remember crying my eyes out when I saw my friends acting like a couple before me. I missed S so much I couldn’t help but cry. I felt like  a limb was being torn away from me. Everytime the couple held hands, a part of me ached. And then we met and there were smiles and tears and jokes and going out and hatred and discoveries and love and all that shizz!

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I remember laughing like a kid while playing Taboo with all my friends then throwing Santa caps in the air, followed by Shisha and then dancing in the winter chill, it was all worth it. Drinking a peg or two of whiskey and the holding on for my dear life while swaying my head to dance numbers for 6 straight hours without rest. I have never dont this and I never exercise so my body was shocked to do that much work with so much attitude in that much time! 😛

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All in all, this year is off to a good start. The praises for my blog and the praises for my photography have made me happy. I found a boyfriend who is an idiot and loves me like one. I found new friends who’re dating my best friends. My best friend finally had her first kiss. I understood how mature we are all becoming and how childish we still are going to be. I love my parents and my grandparents.

Happy New Year to all of you. Continue to de-tangle (or mess it up even further) with me !

I promise..

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..and watch them twinkle

When I said them, I had meant them. I don’t lie. I didn’t lie. And I miss you. I miss the nights we spent dreaming about the could-be and should-be. And about the day dreams we shared and the nightmares that made us huddle together. I miss the touch of your hand when the warm tears flowed down my cheeks and the sound of your laughter. I miss sounding gay and dancing around after being drunk on 2 pegs, like that’s even possible. I miss planning to watch movies with you. I miss not ending up watching them, afterall. I miss hoping to be with you. I miss the thrill of not knowing whether you’re coming.

I miss you. Drinking coffee and making cookies. And planning to make the coffee. And the cookies. And I miss completing the unfinished movies with you while trashing Harry Potter. I miss waiting for you to text first. I miss making you recharge my number. I miss making myself scold you.

I miss listening to lyrics and thinking about you. I miss confusing you about posts on my blog. And feeling irritated when you simply don’t understand stuff. And then I see your cute bespectacled face and melt. I miss talking like your lesbian lover. I miss loving you, like, in a non-sexual way. Or maybe, sexual too 😛

I don’t know who this post is about. There are glimpses of many friendships and relationships. Go figure.

And there have been many affairs
Many times I’ve thought to leave
But I bite my lip and turn around
Cause you’re the warmest thing I’ve ever found
– You’re in My Heart/ Rod Stewart.

It is so awesome to be:

Blushing again.
Dreaming again.
Smiling for no reason.
Spacing out.
Did I say blushing?
Thinking like a doofus.
Feeling like a princess.
Checking the phone for texts.
Checking facebook for pictures.
Calling late at night.
Skyping late at night.
Listening to songs.
Listening to classy songs.
Listening to girly songs.
Finally understanding the meaning.
Then smiling.
Then blushing.
Then covering your face.
Liking silly updates.
Then feeling silly.
Then smiling again.
Gushing about someone.
Feeling super happy.
Feeling super duper happy.
Jumping on the bed with my room mate. Just.

It is so awesome to feel these things again. To have a crush.

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-to being tangled ❤

Angel; Devil? Gossip Girl.

I have had a myriad of thoughts for this posts. It is like my mind whizzes through ideas and decides to jump from one amazing concept to another. Gosh.

A few of them are:

  • To write a synopsis of the IIFA awards. but then, it will be out in the papers tomorrow and as usual, the supplement is the first thing I read (after the first page cuz that is literally thrust into my face). So that idea is scratched. Besides, I did not like it enough to write about it.
  • To write about exams.
  • To sleep.
  • To watch Gossip Girl, not write this post at all and ogle at Chuck Bass.
I’m Chuck Bass. Your argument is invalid.

I had more but I forgot. does this happen to you as well? do you have short-term memory loss too? I keep forgetting stuff. I walk into the bathroom without my towel.

(wait important phone call. I will forget what I thought AGAIN)

And as predicted, I have forgotten. Woohoo! -__-
Anyway, I think I should go back to watching Gossip Girl and continue my preparations to being a bitch and what not. Poor Serena gets  all the trouble. HAHA.

I am a very nice person. I called my bff’s roomie. First step. AGAIN. Will this lead to the friendship again? Kehte hai na, ek baar gaanth par jaye toh hatana mushkil hai. So I feel my angel halo glowing right now. I don’t know what good will come out of that one fateful phone call. I am weirded out by the fact that I might have to talk to her again.
You ever felt that way, the kind where you forget how it was talking to someone because you haven’t spoken to them in ages? I get that feeling SO often these days courtesy texting and im-ing, phone calls have become a thing of the past.

See now that is why I need to watch (and learn from) GG. Being a bitch becomes essential in college. Why?

  • To save your file work from being xeroxed and plastered onto every other file in the universe
  • To save your spot on the benches near the AC
  • To get the best parking space so that the cycle seat doesn’t get all hot.
  • To get into the bathroom on time (while it is clean).
    To mention just a few. Oh, and to prevent dirty almost-nude pictures of yourself and your girls from going online! That’d be ghastly.
  • From kicking your ego aside again and again to remain friends with your friends.
  • To hide behind walls when the professor looks for you to do a project. (bitches know where to hide and how, and in style)

Anyhoo, I shall bid adieu now. *i wonder if gorgeous yummy men will flock to the Serenas of the world*

– XOXO