When you love a boy who doesn’t love you back

When you think you love a boy who doesn’t love you back
retrace your steps to the first time you met him
realize that it was you who extended your hand to solar flame and introduced yourself
you wore a smile so fearless that he could do nothing but stare
notice that his blank expression just blanketed his wonder
you have intrigued him from the very beginning
but he was never looking for you
remember how you called him out on his bullshit
said “don’t act like you don’t know me, we have a class together”
with so much confidence
that he recognized your voice before your body
he almost saw the woman in you
see, you’ve caught him looking in your direction a dozen times
always wondered why he never saw the green light in your eyes
he approaches everything with caution
his heart, an octagonal stop sign
but you’ve never been one for traffic signals
or geometry
you’ve run your share of red lights
and believe that hearts are shaped beautifully even when they’re broken
realize in that moment
that his heart was never yours for the taking
but you’re not a thief or a villain
or a superhero
the red cape was always a little too big for your shoulders anyway
and he never wanted saving
when you think you love a boy who does not love you back
retrace your steps to the first time you had sex with him
realize that euphoria can never be trusted, after all she’s just temporary
you found yourself
laying in your own loneliness until the sun gave you permission to walk home
remember how badly you wanted to let the tears fall…baby girl you could have started the healing process early
when he doesn’t text you back but still does weird shit like watch all your snapchats
don’t take it personally
your voice still scares the shit out of him
when you think you love a boy who doesn’t love you back
overthink everything because hopefully at some point you’ll just stop thinking
in fact close your eyes and let the relationship project itself like a motion picture across the insides
of your eyelids
I promise, it’ll help you see clearly
trust your instincts
you’ve never been one to love someone who does not love you back
remember the first night he let his guard down and stayed over
how you curled your body into his and interlocked fingers like you interlocked minds
remember how fucking somehow started to feel a lot more like loving
because he actually kissed you back this time
remember his night of surrender
when he not only let you see his scars but feel how he got them
how his eyes welled up tears and you just held him
remember how he told you that everyone sees his superman
but no one recognizes clark kent,
that all that flying away when you want him most
was his own fear of being grounded
that that green light in your eyes might have just been his kryptonite
you realize that it is he who wears the red cape
because all he’s ever known is saving himself
and you’ve forgotten about yourself completely
until he’s gone, moved to another city
and you’re left overthinking yet again
when you think you love a boy who does not love you back
stop thinking
trust your instincts,
he loves you back.

– From ‘MissFit Pages’ on Tumblr


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