A wallflower; under construction.

I just watched The Perks of being a wallflower. And I feel sad, irrevocably sad. I’ve been feeling sad for quite a few days now and this feeling? I feel it only when I’m supposed to be doing something, something important,  but end up not doing it, for whatever reasons. Read the following with the voice in your head, do a mimic of Emma Watson. Make it sound deep. With background music, preferably.. I’d suggest Pearly-Dewdrops’ Drop or maybe a John Mayer song? People go. Some leave. Some linger. Some promise to return, but there is always one person, who you know will return, will keep that promise and will come back. And I miss my person. I miss her terribly. There are moments where I was weak and I need to be strong. In life, sometimes, all you can do is build memories with a person. Go outside with them, sing songs, dance, write, be with them..and then, when that person is away, you hope that those memories are strong enough to make a road to wherever that person is. And then, hope that the road is simple enough to lead you both back to where you belong. But where do two people, lost, swimming in a fish bowl, belong? They belong to one another. And then, you know, just know, that the memories you have are there for good and that all you can do is wait. Wait ror new memories.  Wait for that person to find the road and signal to you, in your own little code, that the way is clear; that she needs you too, she’s had bad days as well, that she’s missed you as pathetically as you’ve missed her. And you smile and look back at the days you wept because you had things to say and couldn’t, because she was happy and you wanted to be happy too but just couldn’t, because inside you wished that she would understand that you need her to ask you specifically- what has been going on, on the other side of that road? But you remember you’re smiling because the road was strong and she signalled. The road, leading to her new world..and you tiptoe into it, holding her hand, with glittering eyes and trembling fingers, and look at her and she smiles back. And you know, just know, that a road apart will not take her away. Your best friend. But till then, all you can do is wait. And hope that the memories build a road strong enough, strong enough to lead you both back. -written on 12.07.2013 @ 11:30pm

 

 

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10 thoughts on “A wallflower; under construction.

  1. Sad that for me, it was always me who missed and who had been waiting for over two years since ours roads went different ways. It does occur to me that I think she does miss me sometimes. But I know she doesn’t. Not because she says so, but because I have eyes to see.

    • I take that you’re referring to your best friend as well.
      Trust me, if it was a friendship that could be classified as more important than the rest, then she too has missed you sorely. We only kmow our side of the story. They have moved out of the shell and therefore, they find new people and new adventures which makes them more occupied. But believe you me, they miss us, they miss us a lot.

      Have faith on your friendship. 🙂

      • Probably you’re right. But to me, what matters most is the present. At present, i still miss her and no she doesn’t anymore. I may fail to argue this with any logic so I won’t try. I think you get my point.

      • Yes, it is an intrinsic feeling which we fail to explain with logic. You may try to do something about it though, make her miss you? 🙂

      • There is hope, that I agree with. Or else I’d have forgotten her already. But thanks to the Internet, he does read my “otherwise anonymous blog posts” (she does know I write them). But she never returns an email or text. That’s how I know she doesn’t care about me anymore.

        Funny thing is, nothing happened that could cause this. It’s all still a mystery.

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