Thought Catalog

I believe you are my person. I love you, even though you don’t love me. I love you, even though there’s nothing in it for me anymore. There’s just loving you, but that’s enough for me. I find you to be one of the most exquisite humans I’ve ever met, and knowing you is all it takes to love you. I don’t need anything in return. Getting to be acquainted with your intelligence, depth, understanding, endurance, humor, wisdom, (I could go on), is what love is, and it’s why I choose to love you so intently.

Thank you for loving me when I didn’t love myself. I pushed away because I believed that I wasn’t worthy of love. I came back because I thought you were the only person who cared.

But you weren’t, and you’re not. You were, however, the person with whom I fell most intensely in love…

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Moral of the story

Is it morally okay to feel happy when a couple breaks up? I mean, not to be over joyed or anything but just, feel er, normal. I feel a sense of relief wash over me when a struggling, premature love suffocates under the pressures of long distance or misunderstandings or forgotten anniversaries. I feel a sense of belonging when couples end up, well, ending. They stop koochie kooing in front of me and I stop feeling like a kebab mein haddi.
I can finally stop bailing early from parties just cause I dont have a date because now, my friend is single and we can party together. I can finally stop feeling eeky at the movies because there’s noone making out right beside me. I can finally feel that I’m normal despite breaking up the number of times I have. Obviously, relationships are meant to end?

I see people dating these days and I wait for the day they announce a changed relationship status on facebook.. so-and-so is single, and I go, damn, another one bites the dust but who hadn’t seen that coming?
But is it morally correct to advice a couple to break-up just cause one of them is going away and you know, just know, that a relationship won’t last the test of distance.. you know that no love is that strong right now? Isn’t it wrong to make people contemplate an end just cause yours didn’t survive? It is, you would say. They are different, they aren’t you.
And I agree, i’m different but I also judge people quite well, I judge love well enough by now, or atleast what we all think love is (texting, talking, dates and making out qualifies as love, no? NO). So isn’t it right to atleast warn them of what they’re heading into, asking for?

Relationships end. They either end totally or metamorphose into, culminate into, marriage. Either way, they end and new one(s) begin. And the change is hard, and difficult to deal with. And, while everything changes, you have chocolate and the love of inanimate objects, like, er, chocolates!!

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Birthday!

A few weeks ago, I stepped out of my teens and entered the much-advertised 20s. Sounds incredulous! *imagine hands thrown out* Finally in the twenties, finally, the decade that shapes my life, finally life, finally this, finally ALL!
And what did I do to celebrate this life changing day? Nothing, nothing at all. I removed the details from Facebook, closed my wall, asked my BFF not to post mush and I was all set to have a no-show birthday. But then, a few people called and then some more did. And some of those who weren’t even in the expectation-list called and I was pleasantly surprised. I know, my birthday wasn’t a river of booze or a plethora of cakes and gifts, but it was what I wanted and I was more than okay with what I got.

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The family and my new Haircut!

Frankly, 20 is not much different than 19. I got a new haircut (chopped off more than half of it). Bought a solitaire ring with mamma. Went for dinner with the grandparents and met a dear ol’ friend. My cousins are here, with me and the entire family looks so happy.

We had to buy two cakes, the younger one also wanted to celebrate her ‘Happy Birthday’, though the original date for hers is in October! Kids, they make you laugh!

Cheers,
To a new decade and hopefully, wiser choices, better words and more memories.

It is hard to let go.

Which sex would you choose?

To talk to about your feelings?
To talk about lizards?
To talk about China?
To discuss your boyfriend?

WHO would be your choice, and I am asking this as a girl to other girls. (boys could answer just for fun) Would you call a girlfriend or choose a boy over the so-called fairer sex (although I couldn’t agree less with this ‘name’)? I would choose my best friend, who is a girl. Then, I would choose someone who’s next to my bestie, and she too is, well, a she. And then, I’d look at a guy to discuss some other things.

I’ve been told that guys ae easier to talk to, less of a hassle and more straightforward, with lesser ego issues. So, maybe that is why most girls end up talking things out with boys, or keeping in touch with guys or even have more guy friends. I too have more male friends than female, but the girl-friends I do have are very dear to me. I keep in touch with them as much (and equally) as compared to the guys.

Something has been disturbing me and I cannot voice it out, ’cause I do not know it yet. As soon as I do, I”ll let you know. What bugs me is how someone, so integral to your life, can vanish one fine day. I mean, you know that person is out there, living breathing and talking to other people, but not with you. It isn’t like they are ignoring you, they reply to your texts and ask you what’s up, but you know that the conversations aren’t and may never be the way they were. Why? Because you see them talk and live, without making you a part of it, involuntarily, with no malice or spite. They just slowly eradicate you from their life and you leave, without protest, and that’s your fault and totally your call.
You leave with a hole in their lives, and that hole stays forever cause no one is replaceable.  They decide not to replace you and you thank god for that, but they find new space for new people and those new people start encroaching on your space.

You tell yourself, that it isn’t a competition and that your importance is important. But the question marks come into your mind, seeds of doubt germinate and you look at them in a way, with a view, that you never have before. Did you slip from being a friend to an aquaintance to just another face in the Facebook friend-list? When they like a picture by the newer people, you ask yourself; would they like yours? And then you see that they don’t and your heart breaks just a little bit more. You ask yourself, is this PMS and then you check your Tracker to see that it isn’t.

It is hard letting go, of friends more than anything and it is even harder to see yourself fade out of their life when there was no problem in the first place, except maybe, they found better interests or hobbies or work or worse, people. And it sucks when they are still on your priority list when you have slipped off of theirs. And sucks even harder when you see what or who you have slipped because of. It sucks the hardest when you know you slipped off to someone who they can flirt with, or talk random BS with. You know you’ve lost, and it wasn’t even a competition.

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Echoing exactly what I feel at times!

Thought Catalog

People in Relationships,

It’s funny, because I used to be one of you; all sweaty-palmed and dinner-dated and loved. I was there, where you are, passing holidays at my parents’ house in the bathroom, tapping out Morse code I wishes and I misses to whomever I was sharing a bed and a heart with that year. You can’t type those things to just anyone, did you know that? That’s my first question, by the way. You’re lucky that “I miss you” is part of your vocabulary — the rest of us have to get creative, find alternatives like happy thanksgiving or what was that book you recommended again or even silence, on occasion.

What is it that you miss, exactly, when you miss someone? Is it recounting the dullest moment of your day to a hungry audience or is it your scalp memorizing the fingerprints of digits that are at…

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And a big shout out to stanfordgirlusa for this 🙂

Scarlet World

I was randomly surfing through my inbox when I found this long lost piece of French beauty. Indeed, a beauty 🙂

L’AMOUR DOULOUREUX!

She was used to the piercing, shearing, burning pain she always felt
when he was not around. He was never around.

She could not let him go because she did not know where she would be
without him. Every time he refused her, she felt the warm and
ironically, comforting flow of her tears. Every time she wanted to be
there for him, she was shunned by a cold, penetrating gaze that sent
her fleeing, fleeing towards him. She ran towards her pain and
misfortune.

He was her love. He, was her suffering. She had taken upon herself a
lifetime of this bitterness. She did not know what life was without
him. She could not live a life with him. He did not let her go. But…

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I do.

I find love in the books I read
I feel it in the wind,
the same wind that blew dust in my eye
the same dust that I bit.

I wished for a falling star
I saw one shooting by,
all I needed was some stardust
all I needed was magic.

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