Thank you so much people. I shall arrive to do better in the coming years.
Party party party!
Thank you so much people. I shall arrive to do better in the coming years.
Party party party!
Despair is exactly what I’m feeling right now. And I’ve taken a decision of not keeping in touch with most of the ‘friends’ I have in college. Yeah yeah, they say college friends are for life but I say, what a load of stinking fish.
The friends I’ve made in MY college are selfish, back stabbing, competition crazy, opportunistic people. And the ones who’re not my friends, are well, not my friends. I made bad choices, maybe. But the lot I know are horrendous. Just one of them from my college is worth keeping and that’s only cause he’s a guy and way above ego issues.
So that’s that. End of post. Byebye.
There are so many things we work really hard for- getting good grades, winning a marathon, making the folks proud, surprising a friend, you get the drift. And there are things you need to actually out in extra effort to avoid, for instance the urge to call someone or the will to surrender to circumstances. The negative sometimes, far outweighs the positive and that is when we need the final push to prevent us from spiralling back to where it started.
Like right now, all my friends are asleep and I’m wide awake like a friggin owl because I slept in the evening for like a trillion hours and I feel alone. Oh don’t get me wrong, I have a book in my hand and cookies to keep me company hut no human touch. And it is these precise moments that make me wish I had someone I connected with who’d be there’s joblessly waiting for me to yap and then he/she would disappear when my need expired. Or maybe, it is these precise moments where I colaose vaxk into the rut of searching for a person who’d maybe, suit my tastes and be with me? Is that what people call a boyfriend? So yeah, that. But I won’t fall into the rut cause I don’t want to. I won’t even call my ex because I don’t want to. I don’t want to do anything that makes me go back to where I was. I recently read this blog post about how settling for the Good prevents us from getting the Great. I have settled for nothing st the current moment and I’m gonna keep it that way because without anything to lose I can be fearless and go all out when the time arrives.
I’m talking about life here, not love. Taking one day at a time is what I’ll do. No planning for the future, no decisions about who and what to do, no words or questions about academics. One day. At a time. One.
The love was merely an example of how we make an effort to stay away away from things or people, just the way we put in hours to stay with people. Never under estimate the power if effort.
I’m getting jumbled in my thoughts now so byebye.
I found a dried rose in a really old diary of mine, the one I had in class 10. I can’t recall who it was from, cause I clearly remember not receiving any roses from the boyfriend I had at that time. And besides, I am not a very red rose person. I’m not a rose person at all.
I found a tattered piece of paper with a poem on it. It’s not written by me and it isn’t written by any of my friends but it is a poetry on friendship. And I can’t recollect who’s handwriting that is. (Yes it is handwritten so it had got to be from before the computers over took our pages)
I also found my old book of Idioms. I have my favourite ones dog eared and some are even underlined. And the book right beside it (The Fountainhead) also had similar underlined paragraphs. There was a time when I found idioms beautiful and that made the base for me to appreciate complicated sentences. No, actually, helped me understand the beauty of simplexity.
Simplexity is a word made of complexity and simplicity. There’s also a book by the same name.
It is amazing how I’ve grown and how people around me have come and gone. There once was a person who was important enough for me to have saved the rose he had given to me in a dary and now, I can’t even remember who it is from. There once was a friend who thought me worthy of poetry and now she’s lost to the new memories I’ve created. There was once a time where my mother bought books for idioms and now, she watches me read Rebecca and Shantaram.
Contentment comes from within and the family plays a huge role in it. By family, I don’t just mean parents and siblings but also the few close friends you have. I’m blessed with more than a few such friends apart from the loving family. I mean, my grand father just sent me a text stating how proud he is of having me as his grand daughter, and my mother is coming all the way to Burdwan to see me off for the teeny test I have, not because it is a test but because she has a holiday and she’s free, and my grand mother asks me if I’m pooping alright and another one sends me food from the other side of the street! I have friends who’re there for me no matter what and I have a flatmate who agrees to delay his date to collect something for me from home (a letter for college, beat that).
And who knows, even there people might get shelved into a folder in memory and gather dust until one day, where future me, finds a blog post written about them while rummaging through older ones. Or, I come across a note scribbled on my phone. Or a random message.
There’s always a reason. Find the happiest one 🙂
The world seems to be collapsing around you while you desperately try holding onto whatever you can lay your hands on- his favourite band, his favourite poem, the book he last dog-eared or the perfume you never really liked. You look around your room and spot his nail cutter on your dressing table or you look at an advertisement you had both laughed at, together, and then it happens- you feel a rush of tears stinging your eyes, your cheeks go warm and you repent your decision of ending things with him.
He wasn’t that bad after all, was he? All he wanted was for you to cut your hair or grow your nails. All you had complained of was him being an hour late sometimes and surely that can be worked out. All the differences and reasons for the ‘premature’ termination of your relationship begin to seem superfluous and frankly, childish. There is nothing a glass of wine and good conversation cannot sort out, is there? This is the Post Break-up Syndrome. It is characterised by reckless dating, excessive drinking, excessive shopping, stalking your ex boyfriends, a high sugar diet, self-doubt, prolonged sleeping hours, regret, irritation, reading break-up quotations online, understanding song lyrics and most of all, the need to get back.
So, you call your best friend and ask her if the haste made waste, if the dog pooped early, if…okay, I am out of metaphors. Simply put, you ask her if you were wrong. She will not give you advice but hear you out while you figure out your own mess and while talking to her, and in turn talking to yourself, you hear the reasons out loud and you realise that the decision was in fact right. A difficult choice to live with, but a correct one indeed.
So how does one get over a significant other? You can delete his number, block him on facebook and hide the photographs. You can remove his physical presence from your life, you can pretend that he doesn’t exist and all of this will go on perfectly fine till that one day where you suddenly listen to a song you both danced to, or an old message in you inbox that got ignored while you were on a deleting spree or the news of him dating someone else reaches you. The world will be a perfectly rotating spheroid TILL THAT DAY, after which all his ticks and non-sensical habit will make sense. You will see that you’ve grown and have matured enough to accept the mistakes he had made 7 months back and you will ache to get him back but it is too late. He has moved on, probably as painstakingly as you have (or may be not) and he won the break-up game.
But that’s what popular belief says; that the one who dates first is the winner. I do not agree- I believe that the one who ends up happiest is the winner. Yes, there will be hiccups in getting over him (for god’s sake you loved him once upon a fairytale time ago) and you will question the choices you made. Yes, there might be a chance that ending it was a mistake, you probably should have waited a day or two more, maybe just maybe things would have turned around.
And then you will read something. Something so life-changing that you feel happy and light, like cotton. You’re a reader and he was not. You sing in the shower while he just, showered. You asked philosophical questions and answered them with candy-floss analogies while his dream interview is with Smith and Wesson. You looked at the stars, he saw the dark, dark sky. And then, you call your best friend again, to share your epiphany and she calmly makes you understand that two halves make a whole. That, while you focussed on the stars and he looked at their background, while you read all the time, he read the newspaper (and that’s the point where you make a face and disagree- newspaper is not reading duh!).
Then, once your BFF is done explaining to you why opposites attract, you say just a few sentences to her and she knows that you’ve won the argument-
I need a man who knows what poetry is, how beautifully one sentence flows into another. I need a man who carries a handkerchief with him, not to wipe off my tears but to clean the ketchup that I accidentally dropped on his shirt. I need a man who reads out Beethoven to me, instead of making me listen to his symphonies. I need a man who can make me lose an argument. I need a man who shuts me up by kissing me. I need a man who understands my fascination with House. MD. I need a man whose words seem like a song, whose voice makes me tingle. I don’t get that in him, sweetheart. I get a lot of other things, but not these. I can put in a handkerchief in his pocket and make him watch sitcoms but can I make him feel the beauty of Haiku? Can I make him stir his soul like a good book stirs mine? I am incapable, not him.
Till the time you reach an epiphany, the post break-up syndrome continues.
-All the best, I hope this helped. And if it did not, boo hoo, just start to not care and you’ll soon find another jerk who’ll also leave you 🙂
I recently watched a Salman Khan starrer called Dabangg-2. It is a sequel to a much better, funnier and politically correct movie called *surprise surprise* Dabangg. Dabangg primarily means something that is well, dabangg…i.e, super duper fantabulously studly and awesome to the power infinity. And the first movie did deliver, be it the item number (munni badnaam hui) or the ‘chhedi singh’ dialogue. The sequel was a pale after taste as compared to the first movie, which released way back in 2010.
But I am not remotely as upset as I am with the content of the film, as I am with two particular dialogues:
i) In a particular scene, the nephew of the badman (Chunni, thats the nephew’s name) calls out to and slurrs the protagonist (Chulbul Pandey). In reply, Pandeyji, as he is ‘lovingly’ referred to, replies with a sexist statement that made my blood boil and almost made me vandalise Inox property. What was it?
Arre chunni kop bolo ki naam jaisa hai waisa kaam kare. Ladkiyo ka naam hai toh unhi ki tarah ghar pe baithkar bacche paida kare aur unka dekhbhal kare.
Which in translation would mean something like- Since his name, Chunni, is that of a girls, he should sit at home and take care of children and deliver more babies (when possible; lets add humour to life)
And that statement of his did not create any uproar of the kind I was hoping for. The multiplex erupted with laughter and the general mentality of the masses irked me. And these are the very people who would participate in Peace Walks and protest against Rapes, when they get a chance. This level of hypocrisy is unacceptable. Besides, this level of tolerance is stupid. Just because a superstar says something sexist, it does not make the statement any less (or more, let us also be fair) horrendous. What scares me is that the girls too found the statement funny. I mean, HELLO?! Women are not present in this world for reproduction only and are certainly not here to make sandwiches for their male counterparts! Grow up, people and Mr. Salman Khan, GROW UP! Just to make a few bucks, please do not cover yourself in this muck, because trust me if I ever end up meeting you I will question you very sternly on this subject. You owe me an apology, you also owe your girlfriend an apology and you owe everyone an apology!
ii) In a scene where this random girl was getting married to a boy, Gaenda (another nephew of the badman) goes up to the bride and asks her to stop the marriage. Chulbul Pandey comes in at that precise moment to prevent a chaos and asks Gaenda to leave the damsel alone. Ganeda’s reply?
Door hatt jao nahi toh main yaha Jalianwalla bagh bana ke chorunga
Which in english would roughly be- Move aside or else I will fire so many bullets that there will be a second Jallianwallah Bagh massacre here.
SERIOUSLY? Is that what cinema in India has come down to? Not even two month after the terrible, bone-chilling shoot out at Connecticut, the makers of this stupid film choose to come out with this dialogue? Do they even know how many people were brutally murdered at Jallianwallah Bagh that day? Are they aware of how it feels to lose ones entire family in one go? This sort of insensitive comment on a national (perhaps international) level was made, censored and released, viewed and NOT ONE MEDIA PERSONNEL POINTED IT OUT? If this is not hypocrisy, then what is? How can a ‘super star’ be allowed to get away with this? What if Ramdev baba had said it; then I am sure there would be a series of news episodes dedicated to maligning the public figure, but because this film was made and it was ‘based on fictional events and characters’, we forgive all of it? What a sham this country and its people is turning into. We dont even realise when we agree to things that should, in an ideal world, hurt our sentiments deeply.
I request you to please share this post, not out of any personal greed but out of a feeling of irksomeness and apathy towards the people who thought these dialogues would be funny. Now, I dont remember the exact dialogues word by word but I have tried to quote them as accurately as possible and I have not, in a ny way, changed what tey originally meant in the movie. How can people like the producers and writers of this film have the courage to release a film with not one but TWO insensitive dialogues? Apologise NOW!
The first words that I have said to anyone, be it my domestic help or my best friend, in the last few days have been- Hey, happy new year! But then, what is truly so amazing about this year, or for any such beginning for that matter? Almost a week into 2013, it is turning out to be exactly like last year, maybe just a little more grown up. So what makes 2013 MY year? How am I going to let this year define my life? This is definitely not going to be a post on my achievements from last year or the mishaps from the past. This is not going to be about how i grow as a person this year or how my life will change because of what I eat.
The new year is really never good. The partying made my back ache and my neck cramp. I danced like a mad-woman and my hair was knotted and tussled. It is even worse for those who follow the drink-puke-pass out-drink cycle the next day, thanks to the hangover. Why o why do they say that the new year is good, or happy? January first, for most people is a haze of aspirin and missed calls.
This New Year party thingumajimmy that we all participate in was the best I have ever had till date but the days that preceded it made it what it was. It wasn’t all sun-shine and stars, trust me; there were tears and waiting in the sun for your boyfriend to turn up, and there were last-minute panic phone calls to your girlfriends about what to wear and then ultimately looking stunning! Trust me when I say this- I had not expected the new year to be this great. Oh! and there was almost a break-up that was on the cards, but that dint happen thankfully.
My blog has hit 9,000+ hits already and it is not even a year old. I have already typed an application for an award to the Indian Dental Association for topping my college. I did not break up with my boyfriend, and we look so hot together. I have the best pals in the world. My parents just booked another apartment in another city. And life looks sunny! The last month two weeks were probably the most fun two weeks in the history of my life (minus the days in Thailand, of course) but this was so much fun!
My cousin, who is studying the US (so proud) wrote to me about how his friends ‘love’ my blog. Thank you, people. *big shout out*. Oh. And the drummer of ‘p a r i k r a m a’ messaged me himself AND gave me his number. I probably shouldnt be bragging about it but sc-o-o-o-o-reeee! And even better- he praised this blog and I quote ‘Very inspired writing’.
My brother and Mr. Mahajan here made me get my lazy arse back to the laptop and type-type-type. And thanks, to all of you too! Your praises make me write better, lyk rlly mks me wryt bttr. (laugh if you got the joke)
I remember, on Christmas Eve, my friends and I stood in queue (we broke in) and fought really hard to get into the Church and it was totally worth it. I cry every time I step into a Church and that night, while the Priest blessed me in His name, tears flowed down my cheeks and onto my tee and then to my jeans. I was overwhelmed by everything I felt and everything that was blessed unto me and everyone I had met. I cried because I felt blessed more than anything else I felt.
I remember crying my eyes out when I saw my friends acting like a couple before me. I missed S so much I couldn’t help but cry. I felt like a limb was being torn away from me. Everytime the couple held hands, a part of me ached. And then we met and there were smiles and tears and jokes and going out and hatred and discoveries and love and all that shizz!
I remember laughing like a kid while playing Taboo with all my friends then throwing Santa caps in the air, followed by Shisha and then dancing in the winter chill, it was all worth it. Drinking a peg or two of whiskey and the holding on for my dear life while swaying my head to dance numbers for 6 straight hours without rest. I have never dont this and I never exercise so my body was shocked to do that much work with so much attitude in that much time! 😛
All in all, this year is off to a good start. The praises for my blog and the praises for my photography have made me happy. I found a boyfriend who is an idiot and loves me like one. I found new friends who’re dating my best friends. My best friend finally had her first kiss. I understood how mature we are all becoming and how childish we still are going to be. I love my parents and my grandparents.
Happy New Year to all of you. Continue to de-tangle (or mess it up even further) with me !
Musings on poetry, language, perception, numbers, food, and anything else that slips through the cracks.