There is constant pull between the things I want and the things I really want. Im not referring to a need but a want. I need to blame this constant state of flux on something so I blame it on my zodiac. Call me superfluous if you may, but the two fish swimming in opposite directions does have a significance in my life. The tug at each other, constantly moving in circles around the same centre.
I want to be with you. I can’t be with you. I should be with you. I don’t want to be with you. I don’t know what I want. I know exactly what is required. I know how but I don’t know why.
Let us be friends. God, how did we become friends? Let’s date. Oh, I am not sure. I can’t wait to meet you this time. Why are you coming?
I want ice cream. Ice cream is fattening. Let me gorge on chocolates. But im not in love. They aren’t related. How does it matter? I need choclate and I need love but I can’t stand either.
I love you. I hurt you. You piss me off. Stay away. I want you closer. Not so close. Don’t go further. I am sorry. But why should I be? It isn’t my fault. It is all my fault. I can’t be constant. I cannot decide. I cannot ascertain.
I’m hollow. I’m overflowing. I need you here. I don’t want you here. Need. Want. The constant flux. In turmoil. In turmoil.