I don’t understand this business of secrecy. I admit, I suck at keeping secrets which are of no value to me. It might sound selfish, but I know that I can’t keep them if they have no personal attachment to me. Half the secrets I come across are floozy and have no real need to be kept secret. The other half are just plain boring.
Besides, if you really did not want the word of your ‘secret’ to get out into the world, you wouldn’t share it in the first place! You would only tell someone because you couldn’t digest the fact alone. Similarly, I can’t digest facts alone and thus, I share.
Now, of course, if you confide in me about who the father of your illicit child is, I won’t go on about telling everyone. I can keep secrets which are worth keeping. I can be quiet when needed. But in general, I’m not a very quiet person and I think it is good. I bear no malice in my heart and my conscience is clear. If I love you I’ll let you know and if I detest you, I’ll make it clear. I won’t bitch about you behind your back while sweet-talking you otherwise.
I have a clear heart, a big heart and in that big heart, I am clearly aware of what’s important and what’s not. I will never hurt anyone willingly but I never mislead someone either. I try and maintain a balance. But sometimes, my judgement fails and that is where people begin to think I have issues. I don’t!
Now, about secrets, there are so many kinds. There is the type where life and death is dependant or where someone got dumped. There are the kind with surprises (both good and bad). There are the stupid kind which basically idle gossip. And there all the other Shhhh variety. And there is the kind that confuses me..the kind where I am to simply believe something about someone without adequate proof.
Why should I? And that is where I go wrong. In order to clear my doubt I go ahead and ask the very person (about who the secret was) the truth and then the cat goes out of the bag. Apparently, the first rule if secrecy is to never question. The second rule is, okay detective only if you are the master of the art, which I’m not.
Out of all of this I can only properly keep the first kind and let’s face it, no-one really keeps a secret. Everyone has a confidant and that confidant has a confidant and therefore, everybody knows but nobody agrees to knowing it. Everybody pretends to be ignorant and then subsequently, fakes a surprise ‘really?‘ when the secret IS out, finally.
I’m open about almost everything with my family. They know me and I know them. And this transparency is what makes me so open about secrets, so to say. A secret is never a secret unless you are the only one who knows it. People who know me intimately will be aware of secrets that I have kept to myself for more than a decade of m life. I can keep meaningful secrets but not silly teenage gossip. If you don’t want to tell me, then please don’t. My brain is, as it is, clogged with names of unpronouncable diseases and I could really do with lesser information about who is banging whom!
You’ll be doing us both a favour (here you, stands for people in general, lest someone starts thinking this post is about them)