102.

In keeping with what I decided sometime back (read: yesterday) I shall continue to write broken-up excerpts from whatever the hell I think of. Today, I think I’ll write about something that’s been going on in my mind for a day or two, plus about a lost friend.

1) I’ve been a good girl. Up until now, I haven’t really gone out of my way to be bitchy. Whatever bitchy thing I’ve done has come naturally haha, but yes seriously; I have never ‘planned’ to hurt anyone. I don’t drink (much). I don’t smoke (much). I don’t smoke up. I don’t strip in front of random guys. Oh no, don’t get me wrong..I’m not saying that those who do all of the above-mentioned are ‘bad girls’. I’m just saying that I have been good. The Maa-kya-kahegi syndrome is a little too strong in my head and sometimes I just feel it will burst open. But haven’t I been too nice? I’ve always wanted to try that squeezy tube ice thingy you get outside schools or in bus stands. They come in a variety of flavours- pepsi, cola, dahi, mango, orange, lemon..wow, I should try it sometime but… I don’t. Why? because good girls don’t do that. Because, it is unhygienic or because Sweta doesn’t want to see me do that. Aren’t I missing out?

It is not just about the sucking the life out of an ice tube thingy. It is about everything I might be missing out on. Hell I haven’t been mad sloshed and drunk yet. I am a tight arse. And now I feel sad about myself so I shall get down to other topics.

2) Let me remind you about this friend I once had. She and I became SO close in such a short period of time. Everybody knew that oh Sweta and her are bffs. The wall posts on Facebook were nauseating but we kept at it. We were determined to not let distance ruin what we had once we were in college. Well, distance couldn’t do nothing to us! Sadly, she could. It is amazing how well we can all adjust to loss. Loss due to death. Loss due to distance. Loss due to misunderstanding. Or loss due to plain and simple WILL. Up until now, I used to not worry all that much because she had her exams. I kept reasoning with myself that she’d call when she’s free..that she’ll understand she was wrong. (yes, we had an argument and the saddest part about that fight was that she didn’t even know how miserable she had become.) Remember the post Stretch. Stand Up  ? That was for her. And then, her exams ended but she never called, or texted. or emailed. or anything. She deleted me from her life and I, for once did not protest. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

I do miss it sometimes, having someone to confide in. But life has a way of throwing people at you, each one filling up the vacuum left by another or creating their own little space, in a fresh new manner. I realised that I never really am alone. Yes, a lack that ‘someone special’ and yes, I have no bff but that doesn’t leave me alone. I have SO many people who do care about me whereas in reality, I need just a handful. A friend in need is a friend indeed, right?

So, here’s to a friendless me. And here’s to a me, who’ll finally buy that delicious thing for 2 rupees and suck, lick and do all the other pervy stuff you’re thinking of right now.
– tangled much?

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4 thoughts on “102.

  1. Shorter is the thread of repent lesser is the chance of it, getting tangled…At 45 there are so many “I wish” sentences in my personal invisible diary I maintain.But I am STILL happy because those wishes were not fulfilled due to decisions taken by ME.

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