V for Vhat is the eternal buzz. The eternal buzz of the mind, that is. It is funny, how we all say that the brain is responsible for our thoughts and actions and everything that we do. But what we forget is, most of the times it is our heart that controls the brain. Ofcourse, not scientifically cuz that would actually be a part of the brain controlling the whole of it.. What I mean is that, emotions control our logic. We justify everything to ourselves (and others) based on how we would WANT to feel. Atleast I do.
Its funny how emotions dictate most of the things that we do. If I were to go outside of my body and actually see all the things I were doing/ thinking, I’m so sure that I would die laughing. This out-body experience isn’t something I would advocate unless in dire circumstances. I am in one, so I will use this. Lets see. I fell for someone hopelessly. Made him the centre of my world for a few days. Met him. Fell deeply. He hit me like I was some kind of annoying fly. My wing got bruised. I fell, but this time not the kind of falling we all like. And I walked away, limping. But that is what I ‘think’ happened.
What if, in reality, I wasn’t an annoying fly in his life? What if, he was just being a person who acts sensibly? Surely my judgements had been clouded by what my emotions for him were. I made him the centre of my universe..but I might’ve just been a fringe in his world. Right? I was imposing myself. He was, infact, such a gentleman. Met me, satfisfied my urge to ‘see’ before ‘fall’. He couldn’t have been more gracious about the sudden impingement I had enforced on him. He couldn’t have been more complying. He did all that he could, for someone on the fringe and I take my hat off to him and bow.
I hope and wish and Pray that someday I’d reach a perigee in his life. No, not because I used to like him but because he is a person worth knowing. He is an enlightened person, more for me because I know nothing about his world of art and his expression of life. I want to learn and I want to grow. That is why I want to be a part of his life instead of making him a part of mine. No, friendship is far too small a term to explain what I want. I need a give-take bond. He gives and I take, like a puppy waiting for the master to return home.
I salute him..for taking my bullshit. Though I hope he took it with a pinch of salt. I don’t always mean what I say. I don’t always get pissed off. I don’t always talk shallow. I have my weak moments but there are those epic moments where I rise outside myself and look at the world with a different perspective. I did that, today, for him. And I think I deserve a pat on my back for trying to understand someone else’s world, someone else’s actions and trying to justify it all in THEIR favour instead of trying to just prove him to be wrong.
For the first time, it would be MY loss and not his. I wish I wish, he reads this. I wish.