You know how there are times where something comes at you, out of the blue…something desirable, something that you might have wanted but never knew that you wanted, and then you take your hand out to grab it and then hesitate. You think; do you really need it or is it just an added way to kill time? So you retract your hand just for a microsecond and the opportunity whooshes past just when you realize that you REALLY wanted that thing and now it’s gone forever- never to return and never to be yours. Has this happened to you? We take so many things for granted. Rather, we take the ‘absence’ of so many things for granted that we never truly appreciate how much we would like for it to be a part of our lives. I missed two beautiful opportunities in the same day. And I know how fucking much it pains to have lost something you know could be yours.
Lets start with this- While it was raining, I decided that I wanted to capture the lightning on my camera. So I stood at the window sill, holding my camera with it in the burst mode, ISO and aperture all set perfectly and I started pointing and shooting, hoping that it strikes within the frame. My aim was perfect. The only thing that wasn’t correct was my drifting mind. I kept guessing where it would strike next and I got almost perfect at it. I let the camera off for one second to think about how I would go prancing to Mamma to show the picture and voila, the damn lightening went off at that very moment and stayed for at least 2 seconds. Why? My camera was ready, the positioning was right. One second and I lost it. And I’ll never get that back. I breathed in, uttered a few curses and started shooting again. This time, it struck and I was ready but it stayed for too little a time and I couldn’t capture it. I lost it. Again. And I was heart-broken. And I felt like a moron.
Then about the boyfriend I gave up a few years ago. No, I am not a cry-baby. This wretched weather is making me think about my ex. So. Yeah he was handsome and intelligent and rich. Yes, we had good times but he kept getting on my nerves. One day, we broke it off. Y’know just, out of the blue. The ‘I don’t think it is working anymore’ kind and he, like an idiot, agreed and that was the end of it. I was fine till I actually lay back on my bed and thought hard about it that night. What the fuck had I done? I wasn’t done with him in my life. I wanted him back in my life. What the heck did I mean by ‘it is not working’? Of course it won’t work if I’m not willing to make it. I wanted him back right at that moment but I was too late and too full of the ever-famous ego. I never called him to tell him how much I craved for him and he never felt the need to ask me. I waited that night. I still wait, sometimes.
Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse-
My mother’s aunt called up to ask if I was willing to go to the KKR v/s PWI match in club-house with her. Just so you know, Sunday is the day my childhood friend is coming to visit me after almost 5 years and I THOUGHT 5TH MAY WAS A SUNDAY, so I denied albeit with a heavy heart. My mum conveyed the message.
AFTER hanging up, my mum and the genius that I am, figured that 5th is Not a Sunday and that I was, in fact free and totally available. So I called up my grandma (mum’s aunt) but by then she had already said no to the sponsor for the passes (her husband is at a very high post) and so I lost my ticket to my first ever IPL match and my first ever match as a whole and possibly my only chance to watch a match in the club house.
I hated my life. I hated how I choose to lose out on opportunities which are practically handed out to me.
Life says: ye lo beta, enjoy..I say No thank you ji. Ugh! But things weren’t going to be that bad after all. My monididu worked some magic (she probably felt bad for me) and arranged for those passes again and I am going to that match now. Hellyeah!
And in between the time that I thought I wasn’t going to that match and where I learnt that I was, I was a major sulk. I couldn’t study. Hell I dint even feel like clicking pictures. I wasn’t talking to mum properly, trying to figure out a way to blame her for the entire thing in my head. And then, as soon as I got the confirmatory call, I changed. Like totally completely 180 degrees changed! I was blurting out college gossip to mum in absolutely no time.
I don’t know why my mood changed. I’m not even a fan of IPL. So then that got me thinking and I realized that we value stuff much lesser than they actually should be valued. I know I know, I’m not going to get all Dr. Phil now. I’ll just sum up everything (mostly because I have exams and need to study. All this excitement and mood swinging has taken up wayyy too much time today)- Don’t get upset over lost opportunities. One day, you will buy your own club house passes and the day that happens, you will get the best feeling you will ever have.
So that’s how my sad day turned awesome!
Adios. Stay there.