Sex.

Sex- the word was just to get your attention, now read what I have to say. 😛

pay taxes and get them Mis-Used.

Although I wasn’t really gone for long*, I missed the laptop. Oh, the things one gets used to on a vacation albeit for studying are disastrous once taken away.

This post isn’t about sex but about something related- Power.

Anyway, I’ll quit beating around the bush and come straight to the point. I returned from college (in Burdwan) today, in a State Transport bus. There was this VIP crossing  over from Calcutta and heading to some place. I would call it trespassing, but that would be wrong.
The bus had to halt in one tiny margin of the road and three-quarters of the road was left wide open AND VACANT for those 5 measly cars to whoosh past. We were stuck on that highway for at least 30 extra minutes. I know that it is a small price to pay, but what about all the ‘time is money’ philosophy we are fed with ever since we’re in grade school?

What has made these people the Very Important People they are? US! The aam junta or the mango people, as some celebrity had stated in some movie. (i think it was saif) And when they have to go to a district, in their white AC ambassadors; we the people, the ones who gave them that very power, have to sweat it out in the heat and then later apply Nycil on our prickly rashes. *hating it*
What justice and what a way to thank us. All for what? For giving us interviews on TV shows from which a certain-somebody can walk out just because s/he can.

Power is addictive. Power is maddening. Power gets to you and hits you harder than a kick with cocaine. But power without respect is the worst of its kind. One has to earn the respect and carry the onus of that power carefully and responsibly. Without proper judgement and without the correct balance between enjoying the perks and that of knowing the limits, one can fall off track with the heady initial hit. Today, while waiting for on the highway, all that I realised was that why should anyone be treated specially?
Yes ShahRukh Khan stood up for his daughter at Wankhade. So what?  I personally know of a handful of dads who do just that every single day. Just because he is the SRK, his life gets highlighted?
Just because someone became a CM doesn’t give her the rights to label other people as cadres of the opposition. I mean, yes it is a democracy if she can say what she wants to, can we not ASK what we want to? Everyone is so caught up with who raped whom in IPL, people forgot about the rest of country, let alone the world.

I agree, the ones we vote for have the very important duty of running the administration of our state/ country and they should be given their due importance but not at the cost of the public’s time, money and sweat (literally). Our parents pay the taxes and the government makes Birth Anniversary advertisements for legends. they are already legends, pay homage to them in front of their monuments, which have already been built out of the taxes WE pay or will pay. Instead of blowing OUR money into painting stuff blue, why doesn’t the government just say that it is in its manic phase of neurotics and we, the people, will accept it like we accept all Bipolar. Right?

I digressed. Power. Evil power and good power. We all know who wins in the end but isn’t there a sick sense of pleasure in being the bad guy? Haven’t you ever hurt someone purposely, just to get a kick out of it? I have. And I’m not proud of it..but it was good while it lasted.

Even the cases of Rape and sexual abuse that we so lovingly gulped down in the last two weeks of the Show Satyamev Jayate, are an example of gender Powerplay. males are stronger, more powerful than Females. Yeah, right. And the apes evoleved from human beings.


Power is always handed over but respect is always earned, never passed down. Aim for the latter and the former will follow through.

And i just remembered a joke.
Masochist: Hurt me.
Sadist: No!

Who has power now, eh?

Unexpectedly good days!

I’ve successfully given two of the three exams! And good news, they end on 21st which means ONE full week of vacation without mommy at home. Yabadabadooooooooo! Although I wont do nothing wrong, but still this feeling is unparalleled. To celebrate this achievement of freedom from 3 whole subjects for a few weeks atleast, my roomates and I went out to watch Ishaqzaade.
Oh, review? I’ll tell you the story in a few words- slap, marry, sex, revenge, dead mom, political rivalry with hindu-musalman spats, apology, marry (again), sex (again), love, kill each other. Story is bleh. Parineeti Chopra is mind blowing. Arjun Kapoor is oh well, I hated his character so I guess his aim to portrat a sick jerk paid off too. I like the title track and that’s about it. I want to watch Ek Tha Tiger nowwwwww!

After the movie, a tub of popcorn and a glass of Georgia cold coffee later, we realised we hadn’t catered for dinner so we headed for our favourite Roll shop. Trust me, there is no better Roll place than Calcutta (or burdwan okayfineiknow). And there, I saw this family, hindi speaking, fairer than the average bong and strangely exuding Army vibes. The lady was asking for a sweet shop to taste ‘mishti doi’ and I, being the ever helpful and ever talkative soul that I am, dove in to guide them to my favourite mithai joint in Burdwan. And then, I asked- where are you from? And out came the response I love to hear- We’re from Pune and uncle here, is posted in Burdwan. And I went Woooooooah! Army people! Yay yay!
You would not understand the kin-ship I felt and the feeling of oneness and belongingness that I had in me while talking to them. With us army people, it’s like everyone knows everyone and everyone has this unique bond to the ONE soul institution- NDA. Within minutes, we were talking about Pune and Khadakwasla and NDA and when Dad was commissioned, when uncle was commissioned, where their son is studying, what aunty does. We even found a mutual friend in the NCC, jadavpur branch and life was suddenly good again. I realised that no matter what, no matter where I go, what I do, how I end up..this tag, this label is something that I would bear proudly and this tag will make me feel at home at all costs. Noone will understand the feeling of walking into an Army Officer’s Institute in any part of the country and knowing that you shall be treated with utmost care. Fort William, while I wait there every weekend for my car, still makes me smile. There is something special about being involved with the ‘fauj’ and being a fauji ‘beti’. Only in there will I be known as Bhatta!

And while walking back, I was explaining all of this to my roomie. Trying to make her understand maybe t percent of what I was feeling- the joy and elation of knowing that there is a CSD, the happiness to know that an ‘uncle’ is around and is bound by responsibility to take care of me during distress. Ah! Inexplicable to those unaware of the Army Life :’)
I happened to mention one of my friends of long ago studying in the IMA, Dehradun to be a fauji. Lets call him a ‘Noun’. And while eating the Rolls that we got packed, my phone rang with an unknown number. The man on the other side said that apparently, my phone number had been scratched on a seat of some bus with my name..some crap. I thanked him for informing me and hung up. 10 minutes later, another unknown number. I picked up the phone, hesitantly, ab kya ho gaya? On the other side was a guy, decent voice, english speaking and did I mention decent? That kept me from hanging up. He asked me to ‘guess’ who he is. Annnnnnnnd guess what!!?? NOUN had called.

Noun! After almost 5 years. I spoke about him TODAY. To my roomie. And TODAY itself he called! Wowowowowowow! And we spoke and caught up. And we pulled each other’s legs and joked. And exchanged phone numbers. Life was good, again.

And incidents like these, moments like these make me go on. It’s wonderful, the life army has given me. It’s amazing, the number of friends and ‘nouns’ I have met because of my dad’s profession. I salute these men. And I am so so happy to be a part of this.

-sometimes, life just untangles itself for you. ❤

Until the next time.

I have exams from Tuesday. And right now, this is what is going through my mind:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! THE WRETCHED THING IS BACK AGAIN!

And as super as my college is, I don’t know when they will exactly end. Can you believe it? I mean, the first and probably only thing we do during exams is count our days till it’s done and over with. But no, my college will not grant me that luxury. Anyway, I am hoping to get done in a week or so.
Although people have told me that Avengers Assemble is hyped, I haven’t YET gotten to watch it so can’t wait for that. Hopefully, I’ll get to watch it with someone other than my usual ‘chalo movie chale‘ people. So yay.

And oh! I’ve had a very, very refreshing last two days. Went all deep and diving into some really basic things about myself. have to thank Sneha (sorry for using the noun, but the alternative was Sofia, which is how your name pops up on t9 but I had a feeling that you’d prefer the original :P). Anyway, Sneha.. you’ve meant a lot to me and still do and always will. I have no clue whatsoever about why we became friends but that’s besides the point. The point is, I’m glad I have you in my life to slap me out of my Barbie dreams so that I can weave better ones. The way you know me, is eerie. Are you this way with everyone? Because if you are, I wonder how people live around you! Most of us live under the garb of pretence and we have ‘layers’ as you had mentioned the last time we spoke. We all have these layers but you, missy, slice right through them these days. And some of the advice that you’ve given me is the best advice I’ve received.

Talking to you is releasing, relieving. I can’t write a lot about people I like because I just start blabbering after a point. And I’ve reached that point right about now so I should shush.
So, I love you in as many ways as possible- untouched, pristine, always, straight, gay, bi..you get the drift.
Cheers to you us!

Yes ma’am that is you :’) and also, the only picture I have of you.

V for Vhat?

V for Vhat is the eternal buzz. The eternal buzz of the mind, that is. It is funny, how we all say that the brain is responsible for our thoughts and actions and everything that we do. But what we forget is, most of the times it is our heart that controls the brain. Ofcourse, not scientifically cuz that would actually be a part of the brain controlling the whole of it.. What I mean is that, emotions control our logic. We justify everything to ourselves (and others) based on how we would WANT to feel. Atleast I do.

Its funny how emotions dictate most of the things that we do. If I were to go outside of my body and actually see all the things I were doing/ thinking, I’m so sure that I would die laughing. This out-body experience isn’t something I would advocate unless in dire circumstances. I am in one, so I will use this. Lets see. I fell for someone hopelessly. Made him the centre of my world for a few days. Met him. Fell deeply. He hit me like I was some kind of annoying fly. My wing got bruised. I fell, but this time not the kind of falling we all like. And I walked away, limping. But that is what I ‘think’ happened.

What if, in reality, I wasn’t an annoying fly in his life? What if, he was just being a person who acts sensibly? Surely my judgements had been clouded by what my emotions for him were. I made him the centre of my universe..but I might’ve just been a fringe in his world. Right? I was imposing myself. He was, infact, such a gentleman. Met me, satfisfied my urge to ‘see’ before ‘fall’. He couldn’t have been more gracious about the sudden impingement I had enforced on him. He couldn’t have been more complying. He did all that he could, for someone on the fringe and I take my hat off to him and bow.

I hope and wish and Pray that someday I’d reach a perigee in his life. No, not because I used to like him but because he is a person worth knowing. He is an enlightened person, more for me because I know nothing about his world of art and his expression of life. I want to learn and I want to grow. That is why I want to be a part of his life instead of making him a part of mine. No, friendship is far too small a term to explain what I want. I need a give-take bond. He gives and I take, like a puppy waiting for the master to return home.

I salute him..for taking my bullshit. Though I hope he took it with a pinch of salt. I don’t always mean what I say. I don’t always get pissed off. I don’t always talk shallow. I have my weak moments but there are those epic moments where I rise outside myself and look at the world with a different perspective. I did that, today, for him. And I think I deserve a pat on my back for trying to understand someone else’s world, someone else’s actions and trying to justify it all in THEIR favour instead of trying to just prove him to be wrong.

For the first time, it would be MY loss and not his. I wish I wish, he reads this. I wish.

 

Do or Don’t, you still Die.

There are so many photographs all around tumblr, Facebook, twitter telling us to –
‘Miss someone- call. Want someone- ask. Love someone-say it’ etc..you get the drift. But now that I face one of those questions/ situations/ moments/ crisis I dont really know if ‘following my heart’ and ‘going with the flow’ would be absolutely correct. I mean, what I would like to do is insane and what I am doing is, well, nothing.

But that’s because doing nothing is wise! Texting him like a school-going bubblegummer would be stupidity, right? There is this really close friend I have and she’s several continents away so I can’t ask her what I’m supposed to do. But I need to know.
If I want to talk to someone, should I ‘just message’ and look like a dufus or should I wait it out and ‘ppretend’ that oh well, I have a life and that he’s not the temporary centre of my universe? Gaa. I’ve always been so sure of everything and this one area of life, where the head is as essesntial as the heart, dear ol’ God decideds to take it all away from me and turns me into a mumbling whacko.

Yeah yeah, I know everyone would just tell me to text and I would like to tell them that ‘Whoo ego’ is not what’s keeping from doing it. Also, I fought with my bff and I don’t think I’m gunna be talking to her for sometime to come SO, I need help! Crushes are madness and I havent really been mad for 2 years now. 😛

-see. i told you- wireswilltangle.

Hell Yeah!

You know how there are times where something comes at you, out of the blue…something desirable, something that you might have wanted but never knew that you wanted, and then you take your hand out to grab it and then hesitate. You think; do you really need it or is it just an added way to kill time? So you retract your hand just for a microsecond and the opportunity whooshes past just when you realize that you REALLY wanted that thing and now it’s gone forever- never to return and never to be yours. Has this happened to you? We take so many things for granted. Rather, we take the ‘absence’ of so many things for granted that we never truly appreciate how much we would like for it to be a part of our lives. I missed two beautiful opportunities in the same day. And I know how fucking much it pains to have lost something you know could be yours.

Lets start with this- While it was raining, I decided that I wanted to capture the lightning on my camera. So I stood at the window sill, holding my camera with it in the burst mode, ISO and aperture all set perfectly and I started pointing and shooting, hoping that it strikes within the frame. My aim was perfect. The only thing that wasn’t correct was my drifting mind. I kept guessing where it would strike next and I got almost perfect at it. I let the camera off for one second to think about how I would go prancing to Mamma to show the picture and voila, the damn lightening went off at that very moment and stayed for at least 2 seconds. Why? My camera was ready, the positioning was right. One second and I lost it. And I’ll never get that back. I breathed in, uttered a few curses and started shooting again. This time, it struck and I was ready but it stayed for too little a time and I couldn’t capture it. I lost it. Again. And I was heart-broken. And I felt like a moron.

This is downloaded :/

Then about the boyfriend I gave up a few years ago. No, I am not a cry-baby. This wretched weather is making me think about my ex. So. Yeah he was handsome and intelligent and rich. Yes, we had good times but he kept getting on my nerves. One day, we broke it off. Y’know just, out of the blue. The ‘I don’t think it is working anymore’ kind and he, like an idiot, agreed and that was the end of it. I was fine till I actually lay back on my bed and thought hard about it that night. What the fuck had I done? I wasn’t done with him in my life. I wanted him back in my life. What the heck did I mean by ‘it is not working’? Of course it won’t work if I’m not willing to make it. I wanted him back right at that moment but I was too late and too full of the ever-famous ego. I never called him to tell him how much I craved for him and he never felt the need to ask me. I waited that night. I still wait, sometimes.

Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse-
My mother’s aunt called up to ask if I was willing to go to the KKR v/s PWI match in club-house with her. Just so you know, Sunday is the day my childhood friend is coming to visit me after almost 5 years and I THOUGHT 5TH MAY WAS A SUNDAY, so I denied albeit with a heavy heart. My mum conveyed the message.

AFTER hanging up, my mum and the genius that I am, figured that 5th is Not a Sunday and that I was, in fact free and totally available. So I called up my grandma (mum’s aunt) but by then she had already said no to the sponsor for the passes (her husband is at a very high post) and so I lost my ticket to my first ever IPL match and my first ever match as a whole and possibly my only chance to watch a match in the club house.

I hated my life. I hated how I choose to lose out on opportunities which are practically handed out to me.

Life says: ye lo beta, enjoy..I say No thank you ji. Ugh! But things weren’t going to be that bad after all. My monididu worked some magic (she probably felt bad for me) and arranged for those passes again and I am going to that match now. Hellyeah!

And in between the time that I thought I wasn’t going to that match and where I learnt that I was, I was a major sulk. I couldn’t study. Hell I dint even feel like clicking pictures. I wasn’t talking to mum properly, trying to figure out a way to blame her for the entire thing in my head. And then, as soon as I got the confirmatory call, I changed. Like totally completely 180 degrees changed! I was blurting out college gossip to mum in absolutely no time.
I don’t know why my mood changed. I’m not even a fan of IPL. So then that got me thinking and I realized that we value stuff much lesser than they actually should be valued. I know I know, I’m not going to get all Dr. Phil now. I’ll just sum up everything (mostly because I have exams and need to study. All this excitement and mood swinging has taken up wayyy too much time today)- Don’t get upset over lost opportunities. One day, you will buy your own club house passes and the day that happens, you will get the best feeling you will ever have.

So that’s how my sad day turned awesome!

Adios. Stay there.

Carpe Diem!

Often, we find our minds wandering. for instance, I was supposed to be sleeping now but my mind refuses to shut up. It is thinking at a speed that is faster that light and far too difficult to slow down. Doesn’t it annoy you when you’re really trying to concentrate and do something, the thought of something totally random brushes past your mind and it’s almsot like the mind is trying to run after ans seize that thought..and in that attempt, YOU completely lose track of what you were doing. Say, while reaidng (or studying) don’t you read an entire page but not know anything about it? the mind goes into a trance. And this ‘zoning out’ happens way too often with me.

And what my mum says is true. Noone can make you do something if your mind doesn’t want to.

Trreat your mind like a dog

 

 

 

Think of your mind as a dog. Yes, you heard me. And now, train it to listen to you. It wont be easy. You’ll have to take it out for walks, feed it, nourish it, love it, make it grow, let it breathe, let it play but most importantly, you have to teach it to be loyal and to be obidient; the latter being the most important part of it all.

 

 

Treat your mind to the occasional snooze days where all you do is sit and relax. Take your mind out to strolls in creative places- write, draw, explore, exercise! Feed it with information, news, study something new everyday, solve crossowrd puzzles 9or for the more akin, Sudoku). Nourish it with good food and by good, I don’t mean salads..eat the food that pleases you, that makes you drool. Love your mind for your mind can take you places. Let it play- imagine, dream, desire, LOVE. Never hasten your mind to think like an adult. It will only be what it really is, your mind, once trained to think like someone it is not, will forever pretend and i know, noone wants that. And finally, make your mind listen to you. but who am i kidding? Making your mind do that is not an easy feat.

Everyday would become a stepping stone to achieve that schedule in your ‘mind training’. Scold it, scorn it and one day, maybe you will conquer your mind. But that will only be an illusion:

You think that you are the master of your mind but in reality the mind is the master of you.

It becomes a vicious cycle. You make the mind listen to you and ultimately, will yourself start listening to your mind. The mind is a powerful device. What it thinks, you create. What it dreams of, you achieve. What it hopes for, you make happen. the mind is who you are. you are what your mind is.

Sieze your mind. And you shall sieze the day.

Carpe Diem!