There was not a sound around him. Silently, un-steadily he walked ahead.
He was alone. He was loved, don’t get me wrong, but alone.
How much are you willing to trade for something so special that it’s not possible to own? Something which is elusive, not material. Something that is touch-and-you-lost-it. Something that you’ve wanted for a long long time. Something that you later realise, wasn’t worth it at all, that it was too glorious for you to have asked for it. Something so magical that it shouldn’t even exist?
Have you ever asked something simple and received the most extraordinary blessing and then realised what a curse it was?
He wanted to be a man.
Instead, he was made a legend
Have you felt that?
There have been times where I have closed my eyes and furiously prayed to God, to anyone for better health, for better grades, for better people… more often than not, I have been granted my demands, my whims. More often than not, I regretted asking for them. Now, I have the best of friends, the best 0f grades and a health to envy (touch wood) and I have an excess of expectations. Everyone expects me to perform, to raise the bar.
I have raised the bar.. the ‘up’ rising? I’ve raised it so high that I am struggling to get there. What if I don’t top this year? What if I fail at another relationship? What if i die? What if I shame my parents? I’ve raised it so high that now, it is difficult to fathom it’s reach. I’m trying to do as much as I can. I was made into something elusive when all I wanted was to just be a good daughter, a good friend, a good partner, a good student. No, I did not want stardom! No, I did not want to stand out. because now, people take my uprising for granted, to put it crudely.
I wanted to be a man, metaphorically. I was made into who I am. I love the way I am..
Just let me close my eyes, and sleep, in peace. don’t expect. What if I fail to deliver? What if i screw up? What if I hurt you, again?