The Uprising.

There was not a sound around him. Silently, un-steadily he walked ahead.
He was alone. He was loved, don’t get me wrong, but alone.

How much are you willing to trade for something so special that it’s not possible to own? Something which is elusive, not material. Something that is touch-and-you-lost-it. Something that you’ve wanted for a long long time. Something that you later realise, wasn’t worth it at all, that it was too glorious for you to have asked for it. Something so magical that it shouldn’t even exist?

Have you ever asked something simple and received the most extraordinary blessing and then realised what a curse it was?

He wanted to be a man.
Instead, he was made a legend

Have you felt that?

There have been times where I have closed my eyes and furiously prayed to God, to anyone for better health, for better grades, for better people… more often than not, I have been granted my demands, my whims. More often than not, I regretted asking for them. Now, I have the best of friends, the best 0f grades and a health to envy (touch wood) and I have an excess of expectations. Everyone expects me to perform, to raise the bar.

I have raised the bar.. the ‘up’ rising? I’ve raised it so high that I am struggling to get there. What if I don’t top this year? What if I fail at another relationship? What if i die? What if I shame my parents? I’ve raised it so high that now, it is difficult to fathom it’s reach. I’m trying to do as much as I can. I was made into something elusive when all I wanted was to just be a good daughter, a good friend, a good partner, a good student. No, I did not want stardom! No, I did not want to stand out. because now, people take my uprising for granted, to put it crudely.

I wanted to be a man, metaphorically. I was made into who I am. I love the way I am..
but,
Just let me close my eyes, and sleep, in peace. don’t expect. What if I fail to deliver? What if i screw up? What if I hurt you, again?
…what if?

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The Continuation of Blog Blabber

Y’know how sometimes you just know? That’s exactly what happened to me, now. Epiphany struck. (oh, check out a blog called The Epiphany of Spontaneity)
I was digressing. Coming back; there are times or moments in your life where intuition strikes SO hard that you know something will happen, that you start apprehending the course of action of people, events, animals…dust, anything!
In my case, though, it is exactly the oppostie. I could predict what will not happen. Somehow, I knew that I will not travel the world with my bff.
This is wrong, to discuss all of this online, but who reads this anyway, eh? 😛

So she’s a sweetheart, my bff. She is studying in one of the elite Delhi (and Indian) colleges. She’s smart, talented, pretty, funny, bla bla you get the drift. But then she has her own life and I have developed my own. Yeah, college does that. Don’t get me wron, I still love her as much but we, as people, are changing (read: evolving). Both of us are become more of what we were. I, more intelligent and she, more blonde. Haha. Okay, jokes apart, we’re both realising that we need to accept the changes. And one of which is, that I don’t see myself travelling the world with her. Well, yeah that’s all I could foresee but how many of you can even do that?

Also, I lost my hard disk. I hate the digital world. Digital photographs, digital books, hell one day there will be downloadable food. I did not lose much, thanks to my backing up the back up too but it is the reponsibility that counts. ‘I’ lost it. To be fair, I squarely remember where I had kept it and when I went there to search for it, it had vanished. I think one of my two roomies must’ve taken it home, either by mistake or maybe not.. I know I’m abitch to doubt them but one tends to do that when no other option is left viable.
a) who would steal a hard disk, and by who I mean the maids, house help, etc
b) only they knew about the hard disk
c) even my pharma copy ‘vanished’ mysteriously like that.
I’m upset. 😦

Until the next time,
-stay secure.